Trouble with Mom

@spcbrass (1190)
United States
December 14, 2006 10:58am CST
I have decided to move to Canada to be with the girl that I love. My mom however disagrees with this move. She herself moved about 300 miles south of me about two years ago and she was already giving me trouble about not coming down to see her enough. Well now I am moving another 800 miles north and won't be able to visit her for at least another year. She is very upset that I would do this to her and doesn't understand why I would make this decision. Keep in mind I am 29 years old and have found a life of my own and have proven that I can support myself without the aid of my family. What can I say to her that I haven't already said that would help her believe that I am not abandoning my family.
5 people like this
54 responses
@emarie (5447)
• United States
14 Dec 06
well, she's just probably scared of losing her baby and being alone. tell her you still love her, but she has to let go of you someday. if you're planning on starting a life with this woman, then you should be with her. and you don't always have to go to see her, if she really wants to spend time with you, she'll come and see you.
1 person likes this
@spcbrass (1190)
• United States
14 Dec 06
I think you are right. I hope that she can come spend some time here because soon I will have to stay in Canada for at least a year wihout being able to leave.
1 person likes this
@Etharon (217)
• Malaysia
20 Dec 06
All loving and caring mothers just hate to be far away from the kids. They are constantly worried about how their kids are keeping, be it financially or emotionally. Try to call her every week, she'll be alright once she gets used to it. It takes time and is obviously a work in progress. You can't just expect her to take it without a fight!
1 person likes this
@lissaj (532)
• United States
14 Dec 06
If you can manage it, you could try to make a trip to see your mom before you move to Canada. You can talk to her face to face and explain how you feel. She is probably worried about you and maybe a bit lonely since you said that you don't visit often. After the move, call and visit as often as you can afford to do so.
1 person likes this
@spcbrass (1190)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Unfortunately I have already startes the process to begin moving up there. It will be about a year before I am able to leave once I file the official paperwork.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Dec 06
It is possible that U might tkae her along with U to Cannada if govt. permits and Ur package permits U to Do so
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Dec 06
As long as you are not abandoing your family, I think you mom need to let go of her son. I live in USA and my whole side of family live in Japan, my parents dont like the idea but it my life and it was my choice. They are okay with my choice. Once you move to Canada, calling your mom once a week or once in every 2 weeks to let her know that you are doing fine might help. Good luck
@spcbrass (1190)
• United States
14 Dec 06
She reads all of my blogs so I know she knows the daily happenings of my life. The trouble now is when I do get her on the phone. That is when she is really persistant that I not leave.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Dec 06
You can quote ur example of staying away from family, then u can give ur model of life.To add, my mom was also upset when my brother was moving to states from India, but afterwards everything went right
1 person likes this
• India
15 Dec 06
tak ur mom into confidence and cnvince her that u will be comfortable without her , but at same time make her feel that she is still required in your life.
1 person likes this
@isha900 (1459)
• India
15 Dec 06
it can be right dicesion
1 person likes this
@clickerz (471)
• Philippines
15 Dec 06
Well, just visit here.maybe shes old enought and they need your time.We know she will not last for another 50 or hundred years.How old is she by the way?Always keep your line of communication often and talk to her more frequent.Spending time with them is more important than material success.
@spcbrass (1190)
• United States
15 Dec 06
She's only 47. She moved down to be with my grandfather because he is getting up there in age. I think she's starting to have the same feelings herself about getting older.
1 person likes this
@mirage108 (3403)
• United States
15 Dec 06
I dont know what to tell you, I am however responding as I am pretty much going through the same thing. I live in VA my inlaws live in NC near / close to Nags Head. My family lives in NY. In January we (my family wife and daughter) will be going up to western NY in January. I am now getting accused of taking my inlaws daughter and grand-daughter away from them. I am moving to NY to help my dad out. my mom might have Alzheimers. (not diagnosed) My dad is having a hard time taking care of the house, cleaning and cooking, etc. My mom last weekend asked me the same question 50 times which I did answer everytime and I could see what my dad is going through. Just wanted to let you know that someone is pretty much in the same boat
1 person likes this
@spcbrass (1190)
• United States
15 Dec 06
I know one of her concerns is that as she gets older in life she will need someone to help care for her one day. She is still relatively young, so I don't see that scenario happening anytime in the next 10 years.
1 person likes this
@farocop44 (447)
• Canada
15 Dec 06
Your mom still thinks of her 29 yr old as a baby boy. Cut her a break she's a mom and wont change this position when your 80 and shes over 100. As for your relationship I say take the move. Your happiness is what is important. Your mom must be doing just fine 300 miles away if she hasnt moved back closer to you. Therefore she'll live. As for your choice of destinations. I sure hope you have your snow shoes and polar bear repellent stocked up. Your going to need it while crossing the ice with your sled team to reach her igloo.
1 person likes this
• Canada
18 Dec 06
Just thought Id give the American some fun about the stereotypical Canadian. LOL But dont tell the American, would love to hear he bought snow shoes. Actually Im in Brampton, and yea its green. Was enjoying 13 degree temperature today.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Dec 06
She may not understand now but she will later when she realizes that you are an adult with your own life.Just make sure you keep in touch as much as possible.Call her every chance you get.You only have one mom.
1 person likes this
@spcbrass (1190)
• United States
15 Dec 06
WE haven't spoken lately because of her feelings about this. She has made an effort in the last week to contact me so I will get back in touch with her and let her know how everything is going.
1 person likes this
@vmoore709 (1102)
• United States
15 Dec 06
I don't think there's anything that you can say at this point to make her feel differently. Do what makes you happy. Like you said, you are an adult. Maybe she'll see that it was best when she sees how happy you are.
1 person likes this
@spcbrass (1190)
• United States
15 Dec 06
I do need to connect with her a bit more. Right now I am giving both of us time.
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12168)
• Sweden
14 Dec 06
canada - moving to canada
you do have a possessive mum. but not so possessive since you said she moved down south, too. i am from the philippines and will be moving late next year to live with my boyfriend in sweden. i love him so much and my mum understands why i want to move with him. she respected my decision since i am already 28 and can stand on my own. she just asks me to constanly connect with her through the computer so she won't worried much about me since i am their only girl. dad approves of my decision, too. in your case, i hope you can sit down and have a nice chat with your mum. explain to her that you wanna live with the girl who makes you happy. promise her that you will try to visit her once in awhile when you have time. and that try to call her to see if your mum's okey or not. i hope your mum will understand you. but at some point, maybe not now but later, she'll realize that you did the right thing of moving up and be with your girl. it's your heart's call.. so, go for it!
1 person likes this
@spcbrass (1190)
• United States
15 Dec 06
We will see how it goes in time. Right now we have been out of contact for a few months. I just don't want to face the things that I know she is going to say.
1 person likes this
@Kylalynn (1773)
• South Africa
14 Dec 06
Mention to her that you are doing this to be with the girl you love. Also you may have a better quality of life there. Promise her you will phone regulary. After all it is only a days drive away. Invite her for a little holiday. She will get used to the idea. So don't worry too much.
@spcbrass (1190)
• United States
15 Dec 06
I's about a 12 hour drive from here, maybe longer. Once I get settled I want her to come up and experience this city. She is not much of a city person though. That might have somethin gto do with her being the way she is with me too.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Dec 06
Some parents are just clingy.. and don't really know when to let go. Keeping in contact with your family on a regular basis will help. Do what makes YOU happy. Because in the end, if your miserable your bound to spread it. Same thing with happiness.
1 person likes this
@spcbrass (1190)
• United States
14 Dec 06
I am doing what is making me happy. She just doesn't approve of the decision. She saw a lot of things in my life differently and I chose to do the things that I wanted and have been successful so far.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Dec 06
I guess your mom just feels so alone now that you're farther away from her. I guess sometimes moms dont understand that. Sometimes they tend to forget that we're already old enough to live a life of our own. Give her time to adjust. I guess she will understand...in time
1 person likes this
@spcbrass (1190)
• United States
14 Dec 06
She was fine 2 years away when I was still at home in MD. Now that I have moved north 2 months is suddenly too long. I have tried to email her instead of talking to her right now because she is impossible to talk to about this situation. I can't get a word in.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Dec 06
Mom is having trouble letting go. There are things she needs to do and things you can do, none of which is being close to Mom or allowing her to control your life in any way. She needs to develop more outside interests, join social groups, live a life. You can move and write her, make phone calls, email if she is computer and internet savy. I could be she just needs reassurance that she is still important in your life the things mentioned above should help.
1 person likes this
@spcbrass (1190)
• United States
14 Dec 06
She is but when she moved she moved away from half of the family. It is her and my grandfather where she lives now. I think she is a bit homesick as well.
1 person likes this
@suedarr (2382)
• Canada
14 Dec 06
I think you have already stated it quite well right here in this discussion. I do understand how your mother feels, but we all have to let go at some point. She'll come around. Any chance see can visit you and get an idea of where and how you are living? That might just help her to be more accepting. Best wishes!
@spcbrass (1190)
• United States
14 Dec 06
That is my goal is to get her to see my ne wplace and where I live. She's never been out of the country before. She doesn't have a lot of money though so I would probably have to pay for her ticket to come up here. That will take some time though. I hope she understands.
2 people like this
@rhinoboy (2129)
14 Dec 06
Although it sounds a little petty, she did move away first. Don't burn your bridges though, if things go wrong in Canada you could need to move back in with your mom!!
1 person likes this
@spcbrass (1190)
• United States
14 Dec 06
I would never have to go that far. I have friends in NY, CA, and MD that I could move back in with at any time.
1 person likes this
@vronron (83)
• Canada
14 Dec 06
I think that keeping true to visiting her would be a good idea, even if it is once every few years or so. Perhaps making a tradition of going to see her would show her that you haven't forgotten her. Perhaps another idea is keeping in touch on a regular basis. Calling once a week, or once a month. Sometimes long distance can be expensive, but it might show her that you are making an effort. I don't know if there is much that you can say if she already has it in her mind that you are leaving her. If she is stubborn like some parents can be it is likely that she will never see it another way.
1 person likes this
@spcbrass (1190)
• United States
14 Dec 06
We have been back and forth a few times. She has all but begged me not to go. The rest of my family that still lives in MD is starting to do the same now because she is calling them. These are people that I only saw once a year as it was. I am an only child too, so that makes it even more difficult for her.
1 person likes this
@vanities (11409)
• Davao, Philippines
15 Dec 06
have you tried calling your mom by phone if possible everyday?? thats one way of making her feel that you not abandoning her..even your miles apart(seas)..try to find sometime to visit her together with your wife and brought some presents..that will melt her heart away...
1 person likes this
@daggi1712 (158)
• Germany
15 Dec 06
your are an adult and going to get you own family. your mom is a little sad about lossing a son. but there will be the time..she knows, that she got a daughter in addition. do, what you like to do. my best wishes for you..and your mom.
1 person likes this
@Balako (3)
• Italy
15 Dec 06
When you grow up Livin' like a good boy oughta And your mama Takes a shine to her best son Something different All the girls they seem to like you Cause you're handsome Like to talk and a whole lot of fun But now your girl's gone a missin' And your house has got an empty bed The folks'll wonder 'bout the wedding They won't listen to a word you said [Chorus] Gonna take your mama out all night Yeah we'll show her what it's all about We'll get her jacked up on some cheap champagne We'll let the good times all roll out And if the music ain't good, well it's just too bad We're gonna sing along no matter what Because the dancers don't mind at the New Orleans If you tip 'em and they make a cut Do it Take your mama out all night So she'll have no doubt that we're doing oh the best we can We're gonna do it Take your mama out all night You can stay up late 'cause baby you're a full grown man It's a struggle Livin' like a good boy oughta In the summer Watchin' all the girls pass by When your mama Heard the way that you'd been talking I tried to tell you That all she'd wanna do is cry Now we end up takin' the long way home Lookin' overdressed wearin' buckets of stale cologne It's so hard to see streets on a country road When your glasses in the garbage And your Continental's just got towed
1 person likes this