December 14, 2006 8:17pm CST
FUNNY DEFINITIONS 1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other. 2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test. 3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master 4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage 5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either". 6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. 7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. 8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power... 9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage. 10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on. 11. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before. 12. Classic: books which people praise, but do not read. 13. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight. 14. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. 15. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. 16. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. 17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. 18. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes. 19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions. 20. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead. 21. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. 22. Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river. 23. Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet." 24. Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY. 25. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich. 26. Father: A banker provided by nature. 27. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught. 28. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. 29. Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after? 30. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
15 Dec 06
Here you go for more : TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches. SWIMMING POOL -- a mob of people with water in it. SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut. SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink. CANNIBAL -- person who likes to see other people stewed. EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything you know you are. FOREIGN FILM -- any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn't a western. OPTIMIST -- girl who regards a bulge as a curve. MAGAZINE -- bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue. COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to thetelephone. EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver. OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings. BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself." BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers. TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.