Any clever jokes?

Blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialling, his 4-year-old son comes up and says: "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bastard," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes Officer?" "What are you doing?" the policeman asked. "What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine." Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?" The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting." "And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man. "I'm nineteen," he replied. "And how old is she?" asked the officer. The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be sixteen."

Please beleieve me, I have a good joke, but don't want to tell you, becz I afraid , 'you will laugh'after hearing that.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesnt matter he wont come anyway.

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90,100... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go." The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!" "Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

Q. Why is a gorrilas nostrils so big? A. because they have big fingers.

A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

Blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialling, his 4-year-old son comes up and says: "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bastard," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

First off to understand this. You need to know that the car behind the Train Engine is called a Tender..... So Why can't the steam engine sit down? Because it's caboose is red and it has a tender behind. hehehehehe :) That is my favorite clever joke that I learned off some train joke website. I also like. If you are overly fond of trains, love trains, dress like a train, and sound like a train. You just maybe a trainssexual. :) - DNatureofDTrain

Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Sardarji replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.. _________________

i don't have anything to give you concerning the joke lol sorry for that.

Some self-evident truths about pets... Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes. Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner. Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff. Dogs shed, cats shred. I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult? No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does. Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. People that hate cats will come back as dogs in their next life. We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls? Women and cats will do as they please... men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.