Dear Canada

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DEAR CANADA (or any other country offended by the children of the U.S.A.) We (the children/teenagers who actually recognize that American Capitalism & ignorance is as disgusting as finding a huge mound of elephant crap in their living room) would like to apologize: for not putting a stop to the nasty American Crap yet. Our public school system is really failing us; we don't learn about any other country, city, continent, civilization, or event unless you're some super awesome ancient civilization, city, country, region or event that had some sort of impact on our economy. We learn all about Africa because slaves were super awesome. We learned all about the holocaust because Americans and Germans still don't seem to get along very well. We are the kids who in 10 years will vote for a president with an IQ higher than 6, and we'll teach our children not to be such snobby ignorant a-holes. Americans are pretty obnoxious- I don't blame any of you for hating us. I almost feel like a "KICK ME" sign is necessary to put on our entire country. There are a certain places where we aren't ashamed to be Americans... like U.S. Embassies maybe? Seriously: some of us have actually joined in outside of our American snobby community projects- such as donating money to starving infants in 3rd world countries. We try and steer clear of the people who have the giant mansions but won't squeeze out one freaking dime to a kid who needs it. I have to admit, Canada, I kinda hated you for a little bit. Because some of your citizens came down here and acted all snooty. My first impression was "why are the being so mean and ignorant?". Then my second thought was "Why would anybody chose to come HERE as opposed to... Canada?" No one can stay mad at you Canada, I mean you're always on top of us and you'll keep an eye on us. We never hear complaints of yours like you probably do of ours: we only hear about the great things in your lives- cheap prescriptions and Maple Syrup. By the way- thank you for that Syrup, its delicious. Its the perfect way to start the day with some cheap waffles probably made in Mexico, distributed in the U.S. and topped off with a li'l taste of Canada. A breakfast 3-way! I just hope that you will be able to forgive us, Oh Canada. You guys are probably sick of Americans saying "zomg Canada is so cool!1one" but WE mean it. For real, we mean that the U.S. Government should just post a Myspace bulletin that says "Hey, Canada, you're so cool! We'll send about 100,000 people up there to bother the hell outta you!". Speaking of Myspace: this is just a perfect metaphor. We Americans are MySpace, and you Canadians are Facebook. Myspace is great- we can communicate with friends. Its the largest and most popular. But then Facebook: its so much more exclusive... and better- and has basically all the same things as MySpace... and then some! It takes better care of everyone on the system as opposed to MySpace who only has time for deleting 6 year olds' profiles. Oh, and Canada? I'm really sorry you have to learn all about U.S. History and we only learn about you, Canada, in our Geography Bee. The question of "name a province Canada" pops up and every single kid misses it- but for some reason we know all about the Geographic Coordinates of where Christopher Columbus first landed and took a crap. So maybe that isn't really what we know. You guys probably know that because you Canadians have brains. (And here they all are, smart snotty ___ rich americans: Alberta, British Columbia, Manitoba, New Brunswick, Newfoundland and Labrador, Northwest Territories, Nova Scotia, Nunavut, Ontario, Prince Edward Island, Quebec, Saskatchewan, Yukon Territory) We're so sorry about the behaviour of the people in our country. Some of us are really smart, y'know? Maybe not THATT smart, but we have a higher IQ than most of our dictators- oops! I mean leaders. I hope that we can become great friends soon. Is it cool if we crash with you guys when a nuke is finally dropped in the States? Love, The Informed Society of the American Youth. (there is no formal organization, sadly enough.) P.S., you guys kicked backsides in the 2002 Winter Olympics.