What jokes do you know??Tell me one

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam was having trouble with one of her students the tacher asked,"Boy, what is your problem?" Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!" Ms. Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the principal's office. While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Boy: "9". Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Boy: "36". And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms. Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade." Ms. Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agree. Ms. Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Boy, after a moment "Legs." Ms. Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" Boy: "Pockets." Ms. Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? Boy: Coconut Ms. Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge. Boy: Bubblegum Ms. Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer... Boy: Shake hands Ms. Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay? Boy: Yep. Ms. Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. Boy: Tent Ms. Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg. Boy: Wedding Ring Ms. Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. Boy: Nose Ms. Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. Boy: Arrow Ms. Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement? Boy: Firetruck Ms. Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand. Boy: Fork Ms. Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married? Boy: SURNAME Ms. Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ? Boy: HEART. The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this Boy to the University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

One Wish A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon an unusual old lamp. She picked it up and cleaned it off, and suddenly a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope...due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...what'll it be?" The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other." The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish." The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for...a good mate." The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map!"

Here's mine. A burly professional wrestler was visiting his friend in a small town, and one night they stayed a little too long at the pub. Not wanting to drive, they decided to walk home. As they were crossing a farmer's field, a bull charged them. The wrestler grabbled the bull by the horns, and they went down in a snarling heap. Finally the bull jumped up and ran away. "Wow," said the friend, "That was quite a tussle." "yeah," the wrestler replied, "and if I hadn't had that last drink, I would have gotten that guy off his bicycle."

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A doctor?" "And why's that?" "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."

I heard this way back when I was a kid. It goes like this: What will happen if $2 is deducted by $4? The answer: $2. $4 deducted by $2? The answer: If this continues, you'll end up in the morgage.

A man walks into a bar...OUCH! :]

A man took his wife deer hunting, they decided to split up to improve their chances of finding a deer. The man explained to his wife that the woods were full of dishonest hunters who might try to claim her deer if she managed to kill one. In case this happened, she should fire her rifle into the air three times, to summon him for assistance. They went their separate ways, and soon he heard a shot, followed by three quick shots. He followed the direction of the sound, and found his wife holding a man at gunpoint. She said "It was just like you told me, I killed this deer fair and square and this man says its his." The husband pointed his rifle at the stranger, who placed his hands in the air and said "She's welcome to keep it, but I would like to get my saddle back."

Intelligent Santa Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa." Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000." This catches Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep.

yeah i can say a simple joke.In the court, judge:do u accept ur mistake? culprit:no.....no...(shouting) judge:order! order!... culprit:1 chicken fry, 2chicken noodles..... judge: ???????????...

ur a joke

After a good kiss, the girl whispered t the guy, "kiss me once more and i will be yours foreever". The guy says "thanks for the warning"

knock knock

Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing The bystander A Marathon race is going on. Sardar : What do they get from that? Bystander : The winner will get a prize Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

One tourist from U.S.A. asked a village kid: Any great man born in this village??? village kid: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?" One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation." "A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got married and got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother. and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law". "Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son. That made me the grand-father of my half-brother." "This was nothing until my wife and I had a Baby. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the Grandmother. This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her

first law: a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, untill on unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. second law: the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increament or decreament of the bank balance. third law: the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one. LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire. BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings. LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will! LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last. LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.