Fighting with your Partner

@Jshean20 (14362)
Canada
December 23, 2006 8:15am CST
How often would you say is normal to have a fight with your partner? I ask this because my boyfriend and I seem to fight a lot but we still love each other so it's hard to know what to do...we've been together for two years and it seems so wrong to just end things. We fight often to the point where I end up crying..but I think it's just because I'm over sensitive. What would you suggest I do? How long have you and your partner been together and how often do you fight.
6 people like this
84 responses
@micheller (1365)
• United States
28 Dec 06
Reading this is just like deja vu. Me and my boyfriend also have been together for 2 years, 3 in June. And we fight ALOT. Most times I end up crying but it's because I'm too sensitive. You shouldn't end your relationship over this though. Only if he is treting you bad, you should end it. Every couple is going to have differences. When me and my boyfriend fight we make up by an hour later and were back to normal. =)
1 person likes this
@limcyjain (3523)
• India
27 Dec 06
fighting is normal in relationships but fighting to the extent of crying again and again is not normal. I think the partner should realize that you are sensitive in nature and should procced accordingly.
1 person likes this
@crazy_me (588)
• Philippines
27 Dec 06
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years now. We fight a lot also, mostly because of me. I easily flare up. Even petty things can make me mad. Bad huh? Well that's me. And he accepts my bad side as well as my good side. It is okay to fight as long as you do not verbally and physically abuse each other. At least you let out the negative energies instead of keeping them to yourself and make you just blow up one day with all the pent up emotions you kept inside. That could be disastrous, even to a very long relationship.
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Dec 06
# Take it private and keep it private. Fighting in front of your children is nothing short of child abuse. It can and will scar them emotionally — all because you don't have the self-control to contain yourself until you can talk privately. # Keep it relevant. Don't bring up old grudges or sore points when they don't belong in a particular argument. Put boundaries around the subject matter so that a fight doesn't deteriorate into a free-for-all. # Keep it real. Deal with the issue at hand, not with a symptom of the problem. Get real about what is bothering you, or you will come away from the exchange even more frustrated. # Avoid character assassination. Stay focused on the issue, rather than deteriorating to the point of attacking your partner personally. Don't let the fight degenerate into name-calling. # Remain task-oriented. Know what you want going into the disagreement. If you don't have a goal in mind, you won't know when you've achieved it. # Allow for your partner to retreat with dignity. How an argument ends is crucial. Recognize when an olive branch is being extended to you — perhaps in the form of an apology or a joke — and give your partner a face-saving way out of the disagreement. # Be proportional in your intensity. Every single thing you disagree about is not an earth-shattering event or issue. You do not have to get mad every time you have a right to be. # There's a time limit. Arguments should be temporary, so don't let them get out of hand. Don't allow the ugliness of an argument to stretch on indefinitely.
1 person likes this
• India
23 Dec 06
Its alway normal to fight with ur partner, afterall after every fight there is love so keep loving
@brujj1 (228)
• Canada
23 Dec 06
Fight happens only when you can not express your true feelings. I don't think fight is good. Loving after fight usually happens because you expressed yourself and you got heard. So why do you even have to fight? Just express yourself and listen.
@kokopelli (4842)
• United States
23 Dec 06
i agree, there are better ways to resolve things other than fighting.
@Jshean20 (14362)
• Canada
24 Dec 06
thanks to all of you
@icequeen (2841)
• Canada
23 Dec 06
I have been with my partner for 14 years and we fight all the time...I am sensitive too...and have done my share of crying over our fights. I think it is normal to fight..however if you feel it is too much..maybe you should seek counselling....etc...
• United States
23 Dec 06
That's good advise.
@Jshean20 (14362)
• Canada
27 Dec 06
thank you
@mjgarcia (725)
• United States
23 Dec 06
There are seasons to any relationship. I think that sometimes its normal to have a lot of the fighting just because boundaries are being drawn and things are being worked out. If the fighting is over the same things and their isn't any resolving, then you need to really look at it. I've been married for almost twenty years. There were a few years in there where I wasn't even sure I wanted to be married. But things have worked themselves out and we both grew from the situations. The main thing is to not EVER allow it to become abusive. And work at compromises. Don't just give in or expect him to. You need to see things from each other's perspective and see where the common ground is.
@marrry (341)
• Romania
23 Dec 06
i think it is a bad thing to fight ...and if u fight so much now what would be in a few yers????i wouldn t accept a realtionship like that ..that produce so much discomfort...it is bothering..where is love and understanding
@Jshean20 (14362)
• Canada
26 Dec 06
thanks to you both
• United States
23 Dec 06
I'm with my husband for 30 years. We get into circles at times. We get along, and then we fight. If you push buttons, or are not compatable in some areas, fights arise unfortuately. But, if you love eachother, you get over it, and talk it out to see why you fight so much. You may need outside help, or may not be good for eachother, even if you both are great people. You must be happy most of the time, and fight less of the time. There is no number.
• United States
23 Dec 06
i agree.
@easwizz (203)
• United States
23 Dec 06
Im in your boat. My girlfriend and I fight alot. Almost everyday lately. But Its like, if you really hated it, wouldnt you have broken up by now? I geuss ou have to see that your fighting about silly stupid things just becuase you're use to it. And realize how silly and pointless they really are. cheers
@Jshean20 (14362)
• Canada
1 Jan 07
thanks
@lerikabs (42)
• United Arab Emirates
23 Dec 06
i guess it is very normal to have fights in a relationship every single person in this world who is happily married have fights they have differences it is only human nature but to have successfull relationship is to work it out with each other if you keep o fighting over a thing and you do not have a solution you will keep fighting and it is also all about loving your partner if you keep fighting constantly but still love him try to work out the problem come out with a solution no matter how embarassing..
@Jshean20 (14362)
• Canada
27 Dec 06
thanks
@DavidReedy (2411)
• United States
23 Dec 06
So often people feel that we have to fight. Where's the compromise? Where's the sense of instead of each of us declaring that we're right--let's look for something we both agree on. Most times, when we fight... we're really fighting with ourselves.
@Jshean20 (14362)
• Canada
27 Dec 06
I believe it
@volschenkh (1043)
• South Africa
23 Dec 06
I think its normal. As long as make up afterwards and as long as there is no emotional and physical abuse, its actually showing that your relationship is very much alive! There are a few self help books out there that you can try to read about dealing with this topic. Maybe give him one as a present for X-mas!
@Jshean20 (14362)
• Canada
1 Jan 07
thanks
• India
23 Dec 06
To tell you the truth I do fight with my partner. Well its not always me or not always her who starts it. we both are guilty in this cas. we are togather for 2 years too, but she finds it difficult to understand me. lol. I am a taurus and my partner is aries. and my nature is truly like a bull. most of the time i stay calm when she is arguing, but if I don't even S say a word at all that causes a problem for me again. she hates it. what to do. always I surrender to make her feel better. lol.
@Jshean20 (14362)
• Canada
28 Dec 06
thank you
• China
23 Dec 06
It is hard for someone to move forward without a rival,you a very lucky that your partner is also your rival.Just try to learn something good from him.I also have such problem when I was young,But it's difficult for me to answer your question.
@Jshean20 (14362)
• Canada
25 Dec 06
thank you
@rmuxagirl (7559)
• United States
15 Jan 07
My b/f and I fight constantly lately, i think it's because of the distance between us now. But What do you guys normally fight over, you may want to look into that and what triggers the fight.
15 Jan 07
Me and my boyfriend hardly ever fight, we've never had a real one yet, but we've only been going out 3 months. If we do fight it be's about small thigns and we just end up laughing in the end and i tickle him lmao cos he has the tickle lol madnes..
• United States
1 Jan 07
ITs normal all the time that we fight with our parents. in small small things all do fligts. but best person who dont fight in small things
@abilbrey (114)
• United States
1 Jan 07
I have been married 10 years now and it is normal for any couple to fight. We went through period when we did not want to look at one another but could not think of life without each other. We fight about once a month and a big one about every year. My hormones have played a big part in it also. I take extra B6 an B12 to help with my emotions. My PMS can be off the charts and thank god he loves me enough to put up with it.
• United States
1 Jan 07
I'd say arguing is a normal thing but if your'e doing it too much and it's really making a bad difference in your life it might be time to make some changes. Counseling or just talking could be enough, but don't live life upset and sad all the time in a relationship that causes more harm than good. Relationships should be something that makes you feel good about yourselves and being with each other.
• United States
1 Jan 07
Some fighting is healthy but not if it is stressing you out. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and have disagreements a couple of times a month but never truly fight but maybe 2x a year. When we do fight we always make up before we go to bed. You may need to take some separation time to relax and keep from fighting. You can also do a list of positive and negatives of your signifcant other. You could be fighting because you are around each other too much. Then again, it could just be a matter of communication. Good luck and if it was meant to be then you will still be together.