How would you advise?

United States
December 24, 2006 10:23am CST
Ok...here is the situation. I have a girlfriend who is married but has acquired a friend that she is very much interested in. According to her, when they first met she wasn't as attracted to him as she is now. She doesn't know when she first "noticed" him. I guess after telling him she was married, his response was "I'm not trying to impose on that baby. Bad karma." A few nights out with the girls she ran into him. On 3 separate occasions, he hugged her & kissed her either on the neck or jaw. She is not the "touchy-feelly" type. I advised her that they cannot even be friends because it would still lead back to their attraction to each other. What do I tell her or him to better this confusing situation?
3 people like this
23 responses
@ndraj_2006 (1422)
• India
24 Dec 06
Tell your friend not to Meet him In the future. Instead to forget it she should ask her husband to be with her & she should tell her husband tell she is feeling lonely she should try to be with her husband as much as she can. It will sure help her to forget him. next is ask your friend to control herself her emotions & feelings about him. She should think about her family & her husband. tell her & make her understand hown=much her husband loves her & how much will it hurt him if he knows her reltion with that guy. You cant do or say anything than this as a friend. Tell her also that you gave this advise as a friend's duty to teach a other friend if she/he is going on wrong path.
• United States
24 Dec 06
Great advise. I will definitely try anything to talk her out of doing anything she will regret.
• Malaysia
25 Dec 06
I think you have just deny the earlier sign that the girl is not in love as much as before with the hubby. Who is cheating now ? If there is lack of something in a relationship there is always choices, to stay or stray. But dont use excuses like you are now attracted to someone or loneliness.If you are in love, just stay in love forever. Dont give excuses for your lack of it. It is so human to feel that way. Use your instinct, because true lover would understand.
@chertsy (3798)
• United States
24 Dec 06
Best to explain to your friend first she's married. She shouldn't play with fire unless she wants to get burned or knows how to put it out. I mean she should think of her husband. How would she act if some other woman was doing the same thing to him. She probably wouldn't like it unless she honestly doesn't love him. Hugging is ok. But kissing is a huge no no. Married women has a red flag up that says OFF LIMITS. She should never even put up the white flag in the first place.
• United States
25 Dec 06
Flirting and getting attention can be fun, but your friend is playing with fire. She needs to tell this man (if she thinks she is strong enough to ONLY be his friend, that is) that if he wants to be her friend, he needs to respect her marriage and keep his lips to himself. It's hard enough to make a marriage work, she doesn't need this outside interference. Besides, once a man knows he has a chance with a married woman, 9 out of 10 times it's going to be a hit and run...if you know what I mean. Men like to bag other men's women, but they don't want to keep them, make sense?
1 person likes this
@ravenz (423)
• India
25 Dec 06
JUST TELL HER TO DO WHAT HR HEART TELLS
1 person likes this
@zemughul (180)
• France
24 Dec 06
tell her that she really should stop sseing him and why. And add that anyway if it doesn't change your opinion about her, SHE alone will have to face that: she's ruining her marriage!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Dec 06
But according to her....I don't think that they are "seeing" each other. I believe that there is just a lot of flirting & attraction to each other on the few occasions that they run into each other. She also said that they only really talk via email on a random occasion.
@jen20619 (1300)
• Ireland
24 Dec 06
Yes she must stay away as this could wreck her marraige if she was to pursue anything with the guy .She needs to work on her marragie.The more she can stay away from this guy the better.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Dec 06
I really think that also. The problem also comes into play because they both work in the same building. They don't see each other majority of the time but on those rare occasions in passing.
• United States
25 Dec 06
HHMMM I would have a hard time with that.especialy if I was the so called husband.IF I found my wife being slobberd over in a public place....then I would see,walk away and plot my divorce.
1 person likes this
@calvin222 (1606)
• India
25 Dec 06
hey she is married. and thats supposed to mean you dont play around unless you wanna mess up your marriage. she should stick to her poor husband and not run after every romeo who flirts with her.
1 person likes this
@lulylove (1560)
• Brazil
25 Dec 06
says the truth. Therefore nothing better that the truth to be able to clarify the situation. Therefore it says the truth that its heart orders, therefore it yes will make you to feel itself better.
1 person likes this
@nishanity (1650)
• India
25 Dec 06
well ur pal is being very very insensitive and stupid!! if she wants to hurt her husband and ruin her life, then tell her to go ahead...else tell her to avoid this guy like anything!!
1 person likes this
@superbaaz (133)
• India
25 Dec 06
i wu advise u to tell ur friend not to meet in future with the guy as they will attract.it seems they like eachother but waitin for a good moment to come so that they can make move.so before they make a move avoid them and as well and thanx for so much concern of ur friend she must be a lucky gal.
@savanp (498)
• Japan
25 Dec 06
u r right they cannot even be friends because it would still lead back to their attraction to each other
1 person likes this
@royrules1 (180)
• India
25 Dec 06
let them be seperate that is the only solution in this case
1 person likes this
• China
25 Dec 06
you should tell her it is time to give up .you just have to forget everying and concern much about her own family
1 person likes this
@Aali311 (6112)
• United States
25 Dec 06
I would say the best thing to do is to stay away from each other, I'm sure they would end up doing more if they keep seeing eachother and then her marriage is in trouble, you know it already is if she can't stay faithful to her husband there is a big problem there. If she's old enough to be married then she can make her own decisions.
1 person likes this
@nana1944 (1365)
• United States
25 Dec 06
I honestly believe a man and woman can be just friends. But this has a little extra in the mix. They are atracted to each other and that will be the thing that hurts them and her spouse. Her husband needs her to be faithful to him and she needs that also if she loves him. Being unfaithful will not only hurt him but her also. She needs to step back and consider how it would be if it was him and a co-worker that were flirting. Talk to her but don't be judgemental.
@mkirby624 (1598)
• United States
25 Dec 06
I think I would avoid this friend. I have an old friend that tried to get me to second guess my engagement to my husband because he thought we were meant for one another. However, we weren't, and it was apparent that we weren't in that in all the years we have known one another, we have never been single at the same time. So obviously, we weren't meant to be together. If we had been single at the same time, we would have dated, and possibly been serious and gotten married, which would have obviously been a mistake since I am married to my soul mate now. I basically just had to draw a line with my friend (he was my very best friend in high school), and we are still friends, but don't talk as much. Chatting on the phone and texting just ended up bringing back his fears that he and I were meant to be together. Since this is a new friend and she has no past bonds with him, I would suggest that she avoid him at all cost as to not let it interfere with her marriage
1 person likes this
• Egypt
24 Dec 06
You must tell him the truth, only the truth because without the truth, their life will not continue at all.
1 person likes this
@DavidReedy (2378)
• United States
25 Dec 06
How does she feel about her marriage? Does she have children? Basically, if she goes out with him she wants to commit adultery (usage, both legal and biblical). If she values her family/marriage she needs to stay away from this guy. Personally, if I were the guy. I'd A)try to figure out what I'm doing wrong to lose my wife's affections and B)If I determined I wasn't doing anything wrong I'd divorce her immature and adulterous self.
@MzLefty (311)
• United States
24 Dec 06
Tell them that they both need to think about what they are doing,how they are not the only one involved,other could be hurt,plus who knows,he may just want one thing from her and will move on.