What is the problem?
By ilvrshn
@ilvrshn (463)
United States
December 25, 2006 7:16pm CST
After I got out of the military I stayed with my boyfriend in Hawaii. He was stationed on Pearl Harbor. We met, dated and I fell in love with him. Although the love was never returned, I knew he cared about me deeply. After being together for a littl eover 2 years, I went back stateside to visit family for Christmas. I went back to Hawaii and all of sudden he didn't want to spend time with me. He had some girl calling and texting him all times of day and night. Come to find out, this girl was married. I called the girl and told her to stop calling him because she was affecting our relationship. He broke up with me because I called this girl. Yes, I was paranoid of losing him. I lost my mind because I loved this man deeply and couldn't believe it was over and trashed his place. I went back stateside, lost 17 pounds being sick and depressed. This was 2 years ago, January 2005. Four months later he came to visit me and we hooked up at the hotel. Me and my dad had an altercation so I end up going up north staying with his parents. Me and his mom is close. When I went up North was when I found out that he actually did meet a girl while we were together and we had talked and she threw in my face that he don't want you no more and that they were getting married. Of course, hearing all this was heart wrenching. So this girl got what I wanted from him after being with him for four months and I been with him for 2 years. Now, I don't know what their status is, but here it is almost 2 years after our break up and I love this man unconditionally. We still talk, he says he is not getting married and he wants to start dating me. Although he is overseas again. He has plans to spend time with me for 30 days while on vacation. What should I think of this? There is no point of bringing up old issues if it happened in the past, but I don't know what he wants are what he expects! Help me please. I have been dealing with this for a minute!
2 people like this
52 responses
@puma_nz (999)
• New Zealand
26 Dec 06
Hes playin you BIG time and the sad thing about it is, Your letting him.. If I were you Id move on and get away from this guy cos by the sounds of things, He dont want you but he wants to lead you like a Puppet.. C'mon girl.. Your better than that and you deserve better too.. Wash ya hands of this rubbish and start fresh with someone who WILL be there for you and doesnt treat ya like cr@p.
2 people like this
@ilvrshn (463)
• United States
26 Dec 06
I am hearing you. It's just hard after being with this man for so long and he treated me like a queen. I mean. I have dated after finally getting it in my head that we were no longer a couple but he always remained in my thoughts. It was like I couldn't sit across a dinner table with another man without seeing him.
@puma_nz (999)
• New Zealand
26 Dec 06
You are a beautiful lady and always keep that in mind when you go on dating. Its his loss and someone elses gain. If this guy really cared.. I mean TRULY cared about you and your well being.. He would not be treating you this way. Ok you did mention that he treated you like a queen.. that was in the past.. There is someone out there who is more than willing to carry that on without a falter.. If this guy can do this to you.. he will do it again to someone else. Its all about you now.. Think of you..
1 person likes this
@Lauraleigh99 (4718)
• United States
26 Dec 06
It sounds as if he can not be trusted when he is away from you though. Do you really want to go through that again if it happens another time? If he lied to you before about everything it would be hard for me to trust him again especially after what his mom said to you
2 people like this
@aryangentleman (1122)
• India
26 Dec 06
One thing is very clear to me, as you have already mentioned earlier that he never returned the kind of love you had for him. To me its a one way street of a relationship, for you its a serious thing and you hopping to live yours life with love of yours but for him its a casual relationship or he himself a very unsure of himself kind of man for whom commitment or long term relationship dosent have any place in his life. Its better to suffer the pain of loosing him now and move on with your's life where a better man and better future awaits for you rather than living your life in a hope that one day everything will be all right which I seriously doubt about it.In short"Get Over It. You Dont Deserve This"
1 person likes this
@aryangentleman (1122)
• India
26 Dec 06
I dont have any sympathy with this man as he himself is very sure what he wants from a woman in the relationship and what not to give back to them.He is a good for nothing man.
1 person likes this
@kareng (54666)
• United States
26 Dec 06
I totally agree with your comment here. I think this guy never wanted a commitment. I mean after two years he should KNOW if he wanted to marry you.
He sounds like a user and a loser. Move on...forget him. It will be the best for you.
Good luck!
1 person likes this
@classy56 (2880)
• United States
26 Dec 06
sounds like this man wants his cake an eat it to.you need to make sure the other woman is out of the pitcher for good.or you are going to get hurt more.dont trust him you need to keep eyes an ears open.you need to ask him about the other woman,dont wait till its to late
1 person likes this
@remaster74 (4064)
• Greece
27 Dec 06
You need to get free from him. I mean his idea. I think you deserve a man of your own and someone that loves you and repsects you. He is an awful person for doing all of these to you.
1 person likes this
@lovelylizzie (327)
• United States
26 Dec 06
he's taking advantage of you and using you and you seem to not really notice. if you do, you don't care because when he's with you, you have his attention. I do remember being in something like that with this guy that I REALLY liked.
in the end, he dropped me like I was nothing.
move on, girl. it sounds like he's not into you and so far it sounds like he's already breaking your heart.
there are so many guys out there.. and from your pic, you look like a beauitful woman.
good luck!
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
26 Dec 06
YOu need to cut this guy out of your life. There was no reason for you to call anyone else about seeing him since you knew he didn't loveyou the way you love him. He is messing with your head, doesn't care about your feelings, and is a waste of your precious time.
You should be asking "what do I want in a relationship", and "why do I let this jerk mess me over". Who cares what he wants?
I just bet there are lots of guys who would treat you alot better.
1 person likes this
@purpleravenhawk (81)
• United States
27 Dec 06
Sorry, but I think he is bad for you. He obviously doesn't care about you the way you want him to, and he probably never will. You're just hurting yourself and holding yourself back by hanging onto the hope that he will come back to you. You need to break yourself of this addiction to him and move on.
1 person likes this
@mfibong (138)
• Singapore
26 Dec 06
it sounds like your man is not serious to have a real relationship..based from the experiences you mentioned, seems like your man is just there for you when he's got no one..then when he finds someone, he dumps you..when he's got no one again, he's there for you again..then dumps you again..learn from your experiences..i know that you know what kind of a man he is..you are just blinded by your love for him hence you keep on accepting him despite of the fact that deep in your heart you know that you will end up getting hurt again..don't let him ruin your life..
1 person likes this
@nuffsed (1271)
•
26 Dec 06
You are young and beautiful. You lost your heart to a player. He doesn't know yet what he wants, other than a woman in his bed. It could be you, it could be anyone...
You are going to hurt, that's the way it goes. Then one day you'll just wake up and the hurt will be gone, because you will realise that you are still beautiful and there's still a whole world full of pissibilities out there. Don't go giving your heart so easily next time. Live your life, and have fun. Remember that your heart is too precious and fragile to be passed around. Make him earn it.
@SK401001 (934)
• United States
26 Dec 06
I had something similar happen to me. So my advice would be to just forget about him and move on. You have WASTED 2 years of you life on him. Don't give him another second. Obviously he has cheated on you before and he most likely will again. The trust is gone, he does not respect you, what do you really see in him. I know it is hard to move on but keeping in contact with him is not good for you either. Let him go!!! He deserves what he is looking for and you DESERVE BETTER.
1 person likes this
@shooie (4984)
• United States
26 Dec 06
Start from the beginning and date. If he never married this girl and wants to date you again it may have taken him to do this to see what he really had before. He cheated tho and that isn't right. But if you are willing to forgive and forget and give him a second chance remember if you have an arguement don't bring up the past.
1 person likes this
@junaranas (197)
• Philippines
26 Dec 06
I understand your situation, however, what i can say is that if you love the person set him/her free if he/she comes back he/she is yours.
@tiamat (113)
• United States
26 Dec 06
I understand what it is to fall in love, but you must call upon your own, inner strength in order to overcome his effect on you. Now that he has made it clear that he has no love for you, you must call upon your greatest resources to erase his mark from your heart. Overcome your need of him!
1 person likes this
@thumper2 (127)
• United States
26 Dec 06
Sounds like he's playing you, how many other girls like you does he have? I'd probably turn the table and play hard to get for awhile just to see how long he will pursue you. You could waste alot of time on this guy trying to make it work, but with his track record, the odds are against you two as a couple. Sometimes you have to tell your heart to let him go - it's tough, Good Luck, Be Strong.
1 person likes this
