Couples with a big difference of age, what do you think?

Spain
December 26, 2006 3:52pm CST
Hi, my husband is 34 years older than me. We have been nearly 18 years together. I would like to know what you are thinking about couples like us. Would you prohibit your 17 year old daughter to love a man of 51 year old? Do you feel it is an impossible love? Or a weird one?
14 people like this
117 responses
@craftwave (1338)
• United States
26 Dec 06
Not impossible or weird. My own aunt married a man that was older then her father. She was in her thirties when they got married. My sister has also married a man that is twenty or more years older then her. Two of my daughters have married men that are ten years plus their age. As to allowing a 17 year old to see someone that age is another matter. At seventeen you still have alot of growing up to do and as she experiences life her way of looking at things will change. It seems somewhere in your twenties that age doesn't seem to matter so much. I guess because a person has lived and experinced life enough that ways of looking at things are unlikely to change or at least not so dramaticly that it could cause trouble in a relationship.
2 people like this
• Spain
26 Dec 06
Yes I agree Craftwave. As you can guess, I met my husband at 17 (and a half!!!). Our relationchip has been scattered by obstacles, always caused by others, though. Jalous people, generation clash, children (he was married twice before me), family (his family have a very strong dislike for me, mine loves him), background differences, even language differences (I could not speak English when I met him)... He had a great past, having lived a bit everywhere worldwide... The very strange thing that happened was the reaction of my parents. This is why I posted this discution. They did not prohibit me to see him. They only checked that he was who he claimed to be (Diplomat), that's all. I must admit, I have in the past been a bit obset after my mother for having let me fall in love with a man so much older, creating a very complicated life full of conflicts ( I guess we would be good material for psychologues to study....), and I tried to put myself in the skin of a mother of a 17 year old daughter. I realised that I would never allower her to fall in love with someone 34 years older, in particular after knowing the difficulties I had to go through, but I was split up with the idea that it is far better than a marriage with someone of similar age and maybe a divorce soon after, so the choice would be very difficult. What complicates this type of relationchip is also what is attractive.
@craftwave (1338)
• United States
27 Dec 06
Yes my grandparents were rather upset with my aunt for marrying someone older then them. But he turned out to be one of my favorite uncles. I'm glad things worked out for you. I'm not sure why people put so much emphasis on age as concerning marriage. I've know some people that are older then me and are so immature that they act like kids while others that are much younger are very mature for their age. People should look at that instead of actual age.
@LovingIt (5398)
• United States
27 Dec 06
Yes, I would be very upset if my 17 year old daughter thought she was in love with a 51 year old man and yes, I would prohibit her from seeing him. That said, there is a 14 year age difference between my daughter and her husband and I have no problem with that. She was, however, 30 years old when they were married and mature enough to make her own decision -- mature enough to know the difference in love and infatutuation. Her husband is youngish for his age and she is mature for hers, and their marriage is working nicely. They are very good for each other. In short, I have no problem with an 19 year old age difference, such as yours, as long as the younger of the couple is mature when the decision to have a relationship is made.
• Spain
27 Dec 06
Very interesting Lovingit (love your name!), I have 34 years difference with my husband, not 15 nor 19...!!! Too many, no doubt. But I have always been extremely mature for my age, even as a kid. My parents gave me big responsabilities right from the age of 7. I surely didn't have much of a childhood. I didn't use to play and was very quiet. My husband, in return, is a very outgoing playful person, and looks 15 years younger than his age. I guess that in relationchip of that kind, the partners tend to meet somewhere in between... Many people think I am older than my age, but I don't mind, I am use to it since very early age. We only married after 4 years of life together, so by the age of 21 I knew a bit more what I was doing, although 21 is still young for marriage for many people.
@Marie2473 (8516)
• Sweden
27 Dec 06
I guess I would like to say that it doesn´t bother me, but if it was my own kid who was 17 and was with a man of 51 i would probably freak out. i would always wonder wnhat this old man had incommon with my child and it would just be to weird for me. I would probably try to put an end to it.. But it worked out for you, so good luck in the future!
1 person likes this
• Spain
27 Dec 06
I would probably think like that too, although I have been the protagonist of such a story myself...!!! I would probably not try to stop it though. After all we don't have the right to decide that much for our children. What are best things for the parents might not be the best thing for the children (not so children anymore at 17). In fact parents that try to interfere in the life of their children like this might change the course of life for them untirely, making the kid pass next to a unique love story, although that is what most mothers want for them. I have not heard often a mother sy "i want a very good looking young rich husband for my 17 year old daughter", but very often "i want a very loving husband for my daughter that can give her comfort, children and a happy life". That is what an elder husband can offer.
• Spain
27 Dec 06
I would probably think like that too, although I have been the protagonist of such a story myself...!!! I would probably not try to stop it though. After all we don't have the right to decide that much for our children. What are best things for the parents might not be the best thing for the children (not so children anymore at 17). In fact parents that try to interfere in the life of their children like this might change the course of life for them untirely, making the kid pass next to a unique love story, although that is what most mothers want for them. I have not heard often a mother sy "i want a very good looking young rich husband for my 17 year old daughter", but very often "i want a very loving husband for my daughter that can give her comfort, children and a happy life". That is what an elder husband can offer.
• Philippines
27 Dec 06
why not? as long as he loves my daughter ,age is not a matter to me,,,
1 person likes this
@vivasuzi (4127)
• United States
27 Dec 06
Yes but what if your daughter is a hottie and this old guy is just hitting on her b/c of that. I wouldn't be able to trust the situation after all the stuff I've seen on the news in my lifetime!
2 people like this
• Spain
27 Dec 06
I guess this is what my mother was particularly scared of. I nearly got abducted in Paris once, and she was wary of this type of situation. This is why she made a bit of research on my "boy friend" to hear if all what he was saying was true, before letting me go alone with him on my first trip.
1 person likes this
@jesi06 (279)
• United States
27 Dec 06
It is not impossible, nor would I consider it to be weird. One does NOT pick with whom they fall in love. I am happy to hear that you have had much luck with this. I myself have always dated men at least 8 years older than me. I am thinking now with this post...maybe I should look into someone even older :)
1 person likes this
• Spain
27 Dec 06
As long as you make sure that he is theright person, then go ahead. It is worth the experience at least, and maybe the love story of your life. Who knows.
• India
27 Dec 06
34 years older to you??really??i think you are very lucky that your marriage was a success.congratulations.i think this kind of relation is a bit wierd.please dont mind but i wouldnot let my 17 year old daughter marry a 51year old man.if a man is 51 years old then a 17 year old girl will be like his daughter.but on the other hand it is not imposible too.like the one which worked out for you.i am very happy for you two.all the best.
1 person likes this
• Spain
27 Dec 06
Thanks ever so much for your words. Yep really, 34 years!!! It is kind of weird for us too. As a matter of fact I didn't use to think that much about it, probably to scared it wouldnt work... But now, with time, I can say it has, and I think it is wonderfu. I am so happy many of you think it is wonderfull that we have made it so far. Really it warms up my heart. Thanks loads again and all the best to you too.
• United States
27 Dec 06
My boyfriend and i are 7 years apart in age. We have a great relationship together. Although it is werid that when he talks about graduation highschool and about when he was in highschool, i was in elementary school. My parents are also 13 years apart. They have been through some rough times as well...But are going to be celebrating 27 years on marriage on Jan 10, 2007
1 person likes this
• Spain
27 Dec 06
Congratulation for your parents!!! Mine are soon 36 years together, and they are a very atipic exciting couple, believe me!!!
• India
27 Dec 06
ya..! i will. if they have good interaction with each other, good understanding between them n the foremost thing if they love each other to the fullest and maintain a handsome and responsible relation i will surely give my 17 yr old daughter to 51 yr old guy.. n comming to ur case these kind of relation do happen n r successfull provided ur husband satisfies ur needs n basic neccesities, and there b an evergreen flow of love in between u guys...
1 person likes this
• Spain
27 Dec 06
there should be a multiple + rating in these discutions. You would have got more points. Thank you.
• United States
27 Dec 06
Personally, I wouldn't want my 17 year old to be with a 51 year old. I know that there are people out there that are married to much older people and I'm glad if it works out for them. I know a couple that is married and they are 14 years apart and they get along pretty good. I just wouldn't want to be with someone that much older than myself. I'm not saying anything bad towards you and your husband though, it's just something that I wouldn't prefer to do. I don't think its weird or impossible to love someone that much older though.
1 person likes this
• Spain
27 Dec 06
Your view point is much appreciated, thanks.
• Philippines
27 Dec 06
True love knows no boundaries, even age. So, congratulations to you and your husband for being together that long. Regarding your second question, i think at first, i would stop my daughter for seeing an older man. But if they will prove that they truly love each other, maybe i will allow their relationship. I don't think that's an impossible love, nor weird. There's no such thing in true love.
1 person likes this
• Spain
27 Dec 06
Thanks ever so much for your nice words and for your positive input.
@djbtol (5496)
• United States
27 Dec 06
I think if you look beyond the immediate infatuation, it has lots of potential problems - more than the typical marriage. Just the same, I hope that you and your husband continue to be very happy.
• Spain
27 Dec 06
Thanks, you guys are helping a lot with your coments.
• India
27 Dec 06
hey lemme tell you ..its no big deal ok.love if between two minds and not between the age of thier bodies.it is neither an impossible love nor wierd one assuming yours is love marriage.i agree socially its not very common but hey heck do you cre for them or for the person you love??who stays with you in your periods of trials and tribulations...your husband or those who criticise you??so don worry ,be happy!
1 person likes this
• Spain
27 Dec 06
Thank you for your happy input. It is true that we have passed many years alone. My friends would have been too young to understand, and his were simply too old (even if younger than him, mentally they were nightmares...), so we have learned to live away from people, so also away from trouble. Today it is different, we live in our motorhome, surrounded by people. I have learned to accept the interests of older people, and I enjoy chatting with them on the morning. From a recluse life to an outdoor life... who would have said... Happy new yera to you my friend.
• United States
27 Dec 06
if my daughter was only seventeen, no way would I let her date someone that much older than her. once she is eighteen I can't really tell her what to do, but I won't not condone a relationship like that. someone that is old enough to be a grandfather to someone that young is just weird and seems perverted. I am not judging your relationship, obviously you've made it work. and you have been together long enough, eighteen years is a long time. good luck.
1 person likes this
• Spain
27 Dec 06
Thank you.
@iyamapa (259)
• Philippines
27 Dec 06
wheew... you are indeed very lucky it worked for you guys... you know... it doesnt really matter of the age.... as log as you guys does understand each other and you are trully inlove ... no one can stop you... just keep on praying... i am so impressed of you guys.
1 person likes this
• Spain
27 Dec 06
Thank you, very sweet of you.
• United States
27 Dec 06
The way I feel about it, if a 51 year old man really and truly loves my 17 year old daughter, he'll still really love her when she's out of college. My husband is only 13 years older than me, but heck. True love is true love and sometimes it isn't easy with judgemental people sticking their 2 cents in and worried parents voicing their fears. Congratulations, btw. I hope you have many more happy years together.
• Spain
27 Dec 06
Many thanks visitorinvasion. Hope too. Very positive attitude you have. I like it...
• United States
27 Dec 06
i am 15 and i am going out with an 18 year old i kinda think thats weird but shes hot and thats all that matters haha
1 person likes this
• Spain
27 Dec 06
Ah ah, yes babe, as long as she is ok with it, everything is good...
@onesiobhan (1329)
• Canada
27 Dec 06
I would be leery, not because of the age difference, but because 17 is very young. It could work, but they would be very unique individuals. My daughter is 25 and her boyfriend is 35. He treats her like gold. So I have no issues with the age difference there.
1 person likes this
• Spain
27 Dec 06
Yes, the fact that a man has got more experience is very positive, They are more patient, know better (that's not always good!!!), and treat us like gold. Iam called Princesa every morning, get fresh pressed orange juice in bed every morning, get served chilled Champagne at dusk (that's why I need mylot to pay for my next bottle, ah ah ah...), and get huggs and kisses all the time... What do you want more...???
@2bepink (126)
• United States
27 Dec 06
There is a 22-year age difference between my husband and I. We have been together for over 12 years. I was 25 when we first started dating and he was 47. We have a 5-year-old son together. He has two grown daughters, ages 28 & 35, and two granddaughters. One granddaughter is older than our son, the other is younger. This is the best relationship I have ever had. We have been through a lot together and we only come out of our obstacles stronger. We love each other deeply and I could not imagine him not being in my life.
• Spain
27 Dec 06
Waou... 2bepink... Wonderful hearing some more positive love story. I am so glad for you. It is true we defenately grow stronger from our problems. I feel that our problems are very different than the ones from other couples. What do you think?
@vivasuzi (4127)
• United States
27 Dec 06
Lord help me if I ever have a daughter trying to date a man that age! Although I think it's weird to be attracted to someone that much older, that's not the only reason. You were lucky, but in general people with a large age gap are usually in very different stages in their life and I wouldn't accept my kids dating someone more than maybe 10 years older. Of course, once they are out of my house they could do what they want, but I assume by then they'll be mature enough to make smart decisions. I don't know many mature 17 year olds (I know I wasn't one!)
1 person likes this
• Spain
27 Dec 06
I think that is an excellent answer. As you say we are in very different stage of our lifes, and that difference will remain. My husband is settling in while I am in full flight. Sometimes it clashes, but he is highly adaptable, so he is not scared of trying anything. 6 years ago, I was still modeling, and I use to go out dancing on Saturdays in discos of the coast in Spain. Often he would come with me and dance till 6 on the morning. We have not done it much since as our lifes have changed drastically and I don't feel so much for dancing anymore. But I still listen to very loud music... and yes... he does love it, and even ask me to put it on. We use to have a couple of horses and go trecking, and he adores shopping... many points in comon although our age is so different. I guess he finds it exciting... He often states that he would feel bored with a woman of his age. we are surrounded by pensioners, absolutely lovely people, someones very attractive... and they love my husband, but he is use to be with a young person, full of go-go and peps.
@stetson (17)
• Spain
27 Dec 06
Age is of course important, - however a rather relative matter. People can be old at 35 and young at 70. Same goes for physiques. There are some healthy spieces around at 60-70 who can outperform the stress burdended youth anytime, - what matters is attitude and naturally what you want to do with your life. If you wish for a happy standard family life with 3 kids you should of course have a partner who is within a range of 10-12 years from mother. However, if love cannot be meassured, who can tell if your love-intake for one year together with a man who could be your father isn't outstripping a standard relationship by far between normal adults. Love is mighty, and overshaddows all else and it therefore must be the ultimate aim, to receive and to give with passion, understanding and tolerance. If you find what you want in life, hang on to it, it has proven hard to replace.....
1 person likes this
• Spain
27 Dec 06
Yes, very true Stetson, however, age matters for certain experiences. It is somewhat difficult to do new physical activities with a 70 year old sedentary person. Everything is relative. I know some people who are 74 and 80 odd years old, live in RVs, travel the world, still backpack... but they have done it almost all their life. Beside, if I wanted a child with my husband, most people have the tendancy to think "yes but when the kid is 18, Dad will be 86". Does it matter? Probably not that much, not for me at least, but what about for the child? Anyway I don't regret whatsoever. It is a choice, and I am glad I made that choice when I was 17.