would you get rid of your partner if he abused your child?

January 3, 2007 12:19pm CST
Hi this is a personal one for my partner i would just like to know how many of you would keep your partner if they abused your or there own child, and once you found out the truth would you forgive them and carry on a normal life sorry to ask this sort of thing but my partner was abused by her stepdad for 5 years as a 10 year old child, and for some reason her own mother forgave him and blames her, this doesnt make sense to me who would you blame 30 year old or a 10 year old little girl? and what would you do with your partner?
15 people like this
102 responses
@camille101 (1027)
• United Arab Emirates
3 Jan 07
i find it really bothering. Get rid of your partner, that's for sure. Given the fact, that she's only a child and should have the right to live in a safe environment, nonetheless to tell inside the house with her own mother. it's really sick, the mother shouldn't forgive her partner, instantly dumped him, coz he is a beast. to all mothers, protect your child from your partners. God forbids, we, parents shouldn't let ourselves get pregnant in the first place if we can't protect our child.
2 people like this
3 Jan 07
Hi Thankyou for your message i agree totally that all children should be put first no child deserves to suffer any kind of pain or be abused.
2 people like this
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
3 Jan 07
Here here! I as a former victimof abuse was outraged when she let this same man babysit my daughter. She called me from his house. Nothing happened thank God but to my Chagrin I drove 5 hours just to pistol whip him and threaten his life. Then my aunt started dating the pig
1 person likes this
@sunrisekn (1467)
• United States
3 Jan 07
The abuser would be so far out of my life. There is no way I would want to keep some one like that around my child. I can learn to live alone or find a better man for me and my child. Shame on your partners mother for picking that nasty man over her own child. I don't think I could forgive my mother either.
3 Jan 07
thankyou for your comment my girlfriends is reading them now and she is happy to hear from you it helps its brought tears to her eyes as i always tell her she is not to blame nice to hear from genuine people thankyou kindly
3 people like this
@sunrisekn (1467)
• United States
3 Jan 07
Tell her she's welcome and to hang in there!
1 person likes this
@conniej14 (248)
• United States
4 Jan 07
I would never tolerate this behavior. He would leave one way or the other, makes no difference as long as he goes. It does not excuse his act because he was abused. He should be confined. This really makes me so sick to the point of being dangerous. I could not stay with anyone that hurt my child. The person expecting me to protect her from these type of people. Put the child first.
4 Jan 07
hi thankyou once again for your comments i totally agree with you. all people who do this to children are sick people there is no excuse at all, it has made my partner very ill and ive tried my best to help her through it finally its taken alot of time and understanding been she is gradually coming through it now im very proud of her. all of her family are against her and they have put all the blame onto her, her mum still see's this sick person now and so does her sister and brother even though they all know what he put my girlfriend through for 5 years as young little girl, her whole family are very sick people and seems to me like they want her to get ill over it and not heal.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Jan 07
i would leave him! he is not owrth it..
2 people like this
• India
4 Jan 07
According to my openion leaving to the partner is not good for any one. Because everyone has to verify the fact behind such abusement. If the matter is related to child only then its not a matter which should not be arise between the partners.
@missinghim (1339)
• United States
3 Jan 07
Probably wind up in jail for killing him. Why would you stay with someone that was abusing your child? Why would you want to lay in the same bed with a person that was hurting your child? No. I would not stay with that person
2 people like this
3 Jan 07
hi thankyou all for your messages they are great they are just what i expected from great parents no child deserves to be treated in any nasty sick way,
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 07
If my partner abused my child then yes, I would get rid of him. I would not tolerate anyone mistreating my child. If he mistreats his own child, then I would try talking to him about his ways and hopefully trying to get him some help. There is no excuse for abuse.
2 people like this
@ddm610 (117)
• Philippines
4 Jan 07
If this happens to me (i pray it doesn't), I will never forgive my partner. he shall go to hell! He shall be executed using the most painful torture in the world! I have heard stories like what you shared, and i really do not understand why there are mothers who act like that. They are so blinded by their dependency to their partners that they just turn the blame to the innocent daughter. well, i just pray for their enlightenment...
1 person likes this
4 Jan 07
hi to everyone i have read all of your great comment's i really like to read your opinion's and comments its nice to see that children have loving and caring parents that would not harm them and will always protect them, i hope alot of people who read this will learn from this and make sure that there children are loved and cared for and are always put first over anythink, there is nothink better than your own children they love you and from what ive read you all love them back, i thankyou from my heart for your comments i know you have better things to do than write to me but reading this will help my partner alot belive me. thankyou kindly for your thoughts.
• United States
4 Jan 07
I have two little girls of my own so that makes this hit home for me. I could never be with anyone who abused children period. If they were their own children or mine, it is just not acceptable and I could never be with anyone like that. I would definatley have to leave my partner and report it as well.
1 person likes this
4 Jan 07
thankyou for your message i agree with you totally children come first at all times, your children are lucky to have a parent like you.
1 person likes this
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
3 Jan 07
If that were my spouse, he would have less than 30 seconds to get out of my life forever. There is no forgiveness. It's just plain sick. I can't understand people who would choose an abuser over the child that grew under your heart.
1 person likes this
3 Jan 07
ive been reading all your comments and i really appreciate you writing to me as im sure your busy right now, i can honestly say you are all great parents and i wish you all happiness and love for the future and if you are victim yourself i hope you still can find happiness and survive it and stay strong. thankyou kindly for your words.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 07
I know from personal experience how it feels to be the kid whos parent sides up with their signifigant other and when it comes down to the final decision either lose the child or the spouse they choose the spouse. I will never let a man come between me and my daughters they are my life and my one duty in life is to protect them and love them. I would have to say buh bye to the man if that ever happened in my life. KIDS COME FIRST in my book.
1 person likes this
3 Jan 07
hi thankyou for the message i totally agree with you kids should always come first at all times, especially a situation as sick as this, as a child you dont ask to be abused only cared for and brought up the correct way its not much to ask.
1 person likes this
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
3 Jan 07
Hell yes I would. My mom's boyfriend did the same to me from age 8 to 13 and my mom turned a blind eye and to this day pretends that she didn't know. I even told my father who was on the other side of the country he called her and confronted her and I got a good beating for telling such "viscious lies" I can truly feel for your partner. That abuse reverbrates through your life for ever. And if she hasn't let it break her yet then she is a strong person and there is hope for her future.
3 Jan 07
hi thankyou for your great response, this truly helps to read a story like this, i feel very sorry to hear what happened to you as a child and hope you can stay strong too you did not derserve to be treated this way, your mum should of protected you same goes with my partners mum, what wrong with some people i would love to know i cannot understand some parents why do they have children if they are not going to protect them from others. personally i dont mean to offend you but your mum my partners mum are not what you call a true mother.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 07
Denial. It isn't a river, it is a rather nice little town where no one has to look at anything or ever accept facts or blame. Denial allows one to live in the 'style' they have become accustomed to, or to continue to live with a lack of knowledge. None of us can say what we would do if confronted with such a situation unless we have previously experienced it. The variables of why one enters and remains in denial are huge, they also reflect self esteem issues the one in denial may have. Abusers usually were once the abused. They are perpetuating an act, it is an illness and a cry for help. Saddest of all, often those once abused as children seek out abusers as adults, and those who do find denial much easier than those who were not abused. I can only hope your partner's mother will one day move out of denial and enter the world of responsibility, realizing the only blame she had to accept is the one of denial, which is her own.
1 person likes this
3 Jan 07
hi thankyou for your message, you seem to know what you are talking about its very good information and very true in what you say about her mothers denial i appreciate your comment.
1 person likes this
@tanya6 (333)
3 Jan 07
This sort of thing should nevor happen i know one person who i used to call a friend but about a year ago we found out he had abused his partners little girl.He is now in prison and i never wish to see him again
1 person likes this
3 Jan 07
Hi thankyou for the message, its very upseting to hear stories like that, it puts my girlfriend in tears reading about any child that suffers abuse as im sure it would to any victim no one deserves this happening to them ever there's no reason for it at all, i cant understand myself how some people can do this to there children.
1 person likes this
• Canada
4 Jan 07
Damn right I would!!! Anyone who would abuse another is not worth my time!!
1 person likes this
@ilvrshn (463)
• United States
4 Jan 07
Discipline is one thing, but abuse is another. Homeboy will be out the door in a heartbeat!
1 person likes this
• Romania
4 Jan 07
your partner belongs in jail...
1 person likes this
@armywifey (883)
• United States
4 Jan 07
It is a horrible thing but it happens all the time. I have heard of many cases where the father has abused the daughter and when the child speaks up the mother refuses to believe that he would do such a thing and looks down on the girl for making up things. It is a hard thing that people just don't want to believe. I know that if anyone hurt of touched my child in a negative way I would probably kill them, and I definitely wouldn't stay in a relationship with that person.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Jan 07
I would get rid of my partner in a heartbeat.It's not the childs fault that they are here for one thing and it's just sick to know that someone would do that to their own child.I would personnally make sure that they suffer just like they made the child suffer.
1 person likes this
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
4 Jan 07
My partner would be gone so fast his head would be spinning and if possible into a jail cell but either way he'd out the door. As for your partner and what she went through I do feel for her. I know how it goes. The problem is so many of that generation and older were given the "You don't divorce no matter what" message. My own mother turned a blind eye to it. She would never have left my father because it went against what she was taught and it went against her religion. However there is a big difference between turning a blind eye and blaming the child. The mother was very wrong in that situation. She should never have blamed her but the step-father. He was at fault.
@DeenaD (2688)
• United States
4 Jan 07
If I learned that my child was being abused by my partner, I'd leave him in a heartbeat. To my mind, the child comes first.
1 person likes this