Marriage and Death
January 5, 2007 4:44pm CST
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband gave his wife a gift - a tombstone, with the inscription: HERE LIES MY WIFE - COLD AS EVER. Later the furious wife bought a return present - also a tombstone - in which the inscription read :HERE LIES MY HUSBAND - STIFF AT LAST.
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29 Jan 07
Gifts One day The Lord spoke to Aadam. "I've got some good news and some bad news," The Lord said. Aadam looked at The Lord and replied, "Well, give me the good news first." Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new oragans for you, one is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eave. oamThe other organ I have for you is called a paenis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and 2007 populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to feb give her children." Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?" The Lord looked upon hum Adam and said with great sorrow, "You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time." ** Small Compensation A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own 005 shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on 22 my shirt again. If the wife 21 finds out, she’s gonna kill me.” “Not to worry,” says the ba07 rtender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.” So the drunk goes home and tells his ok wife feb jan about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds tjawo twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks. The drunk replies, “Oh, yea nh, he crapped in my pants, too.”
26 Jan 07
11 Things not to say to police officers 1. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 2. Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 3. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 4. Are You Andy or Barney? 5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer. 6. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 7. I pay your salary! 8. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! 9. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 10. I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are. 11. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"