How do you handle your teen hitting?

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I'm in a dilemma--my 13 1/2 year old daughter who is nearly my height but outweighs me hits at little to no provocation. My ex and I disagree on how to handle her--my ex thinks I should talk it out, but how do you talk to someone hitting, kicking and screaming at you??? The latest episode came a few weeks ago when I was headed through my living room to go upstairs to the bathroom and I was behind her--we had been previously yelling about something and next thing I know, she turns and hits my back (I didn't hit her). I called DYFS for outreach help because this is a common occurence--I think she has an anger management problem. My daughter said it was an accident because I was suddenly standing behind her. She has flipped out where she's totally out of control and the only thing that gets her to stop is to pull her hair until she stops swinging and then I hold her until she calms down. I was told by DYFS that 'hitting with an object is wrong'...but why is protecting myself from a crazed banshee wrong? Am I supposed to continue being hit? She's kicked me hard enough in the stomach to knock the breath out of me--all because I told her it was bus time. Help???