Why does anyone WANT to have kids!?

@mayakup (1303)
United States
January 8, 2007 10:46am CST
Well my husband and I are both 26 and everyone is saying it's time to have kids, we've been married almost 1 year and it's been going really great. So why have children? Aren't they just expensive, time-comsuming and they are a reason to have to sacrifice so much. What if kids ruin our marriage? I dont know, seems like too much giving up to do and it's scary. I just still dont get why people want and have kids?
6 people like this
90 responses
@Geminigirl (1909)
• United States
8 Jan 07
Good for you for being brave enough to see that we have choices today. There are plenty of people who have 3,4 and more kids to make up for the kids that you don't have. I have been happily married for over 8 years, and we have chosen not to have children. Not because we can't, because we don't want to. I'm about 10 years older than you, and guess what the benefits have been from my choice? More money for us, more time to do what we want, and improve ourselves as adults, more time to pursue our interests. I am so over all these people that think you are required to have kids just because you are married. If you freak out when you are 45 and want kids, you can always adopt. For me, pets are my kids, I am happy and fulfilled, and I do not need to have a baby to see a "mini-me" or to have a friend, or to have someone take care of me when I'm older. I'll be just fine, and so will hubby.
• United States
9 Jan 07
I am 24 and my mom is starting to get what my fiance calls the "baby face". She wants new grandchildren. It drives me CRAZY. The only reason I'm off the hook (in her opinion anyway) is because my sister in law had a baby a couple of years ago, who is still at that cute age. But once he grows up she's going to want another one. I told her I'm not her breeding horse! :) I am glad to hear that an older woman (in all respect, I mean that as "older than me" not "old") is making the same decision I have. I have 2 cats, and they act just like kids. They whine, they talk back (I'll snap my fingers at Smoky and he'll go "meow!" back), they suck up (cuddle with us b/c they want fed), they get jealous (of each other getting attention), they fight, etc. Based on the way I interact with my cats, who I love dearly, I know I wouldn't be a very good mom, I don't have enough patience. Animals are enough trouble, I don't need a live child who I'm solely responsible for, it's too much for me.
1 person likes this
@mayakup (1303)
• United States
8 Jan 07
wow I must say I love your veiw on life and I totally respect your decision not to have kids. Kids are scary and not for everyone but ppl seem so cinical when I say I don't want kids - I mean they look at me like Im crazy. Not everyone should have kids!
2 people like this
@123mosco (629)
• Nigeria
8 Jan 07
i do"t knw,but 4 me i do"t like it.
1 person likes this
@mayakup (1303)
• United States
8 Jan 07
what????
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jan 07
Huh?
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jan 07
have kids to not be lonely
1 person likes this
@dholey (1383)
• India
8 Jan 07
do you know one thing, FOR EVERY THING THER IS A SPECIFIC TIME, you have to do right thing at right time, today you are thinking that you dont want a baby, i can not explain what you people are going to miss, having a child is bliss, you have your own world with your child,,,,, i can understand that yu are scared of pregnancy...... but just think ... if your parents had the same thoughts as yours then? will you be in this world to have such beautiful life? ... i am not going to force or advise you, after all it is your own life but i want to worn you... IF THE TIME IS GONE THEN YOU WILL REGRET FOR NOT HAVING ANY OFFSPRING... as i know it is difficult in later age.... hope you will read some good books on it .... rest is upto you..... one more thing i am going to become father very soon....
1 person likes this
@mayakup (1303)
• United States
8 Jan 07
well first off, congrats on becoming a father. I think parenthood is a wonderful thing for the right people and at the right time of course. and secondly, well thanks for your advice and understanding. may you have a happy, healthy baby, best wishes :)
2 people like this
• United States
9 Jan 07
Dholey: What is she has a baby and then regrets it? That would be much worse, I think, to tell a child they weren't wanted. As far as the time passing her by, there is always adoption, there are PLENTY of babies just waiting to be adopted! I think it's completely irresponsible to bring children into this world when there are so many here already that need homes.
• United States
8 Jan 07
I think that if that's how you feel about it.. then you shouldnt have kids.. if your thinking is in those lines.. you probably woudnt be a good parent.. you would feel resentment for your kids/children. and make your self and then your children miserable. granted kids arent for everyone.. but I'd say people that look at the situation the way you .. shouldnt
• United States
9 Jan 07
Milk Shaking: You said that she would feel resentment for her children. I don't think that's all the way true, but I do feel that she is making an honest and responsible decision by saying that she doesn't want to have children right now. That is her choice. I don't think she'd neccessarily be a bad parent, but I think if she knows she doesn't want children, why take chances? My suggestions are get on birth control and stay on it until you change your mind, if you ever do. Be smart! :)
1 person likes this
@mayakup (1303)
• United States
8 Jan 07
well then how should ppl like me look at it? I dont really understand here what youre saying can you please clarify? thanks!
1 person likes this
• Romania
8 Jan 07
it's normal to have kids.i thinck that is our reason on living.I thincks without kids then we won't have a purpose in life.If you put this question then...why don't you ask..you ruined somehow the marriage of your parrent's?Aren't thay proud and happy to have you? I thinck a kid is a joy, not something expensive..is a life witch give;s you all the good thinck's.If the marriage ruine's it's ruines becouse of the two husband not becouse of a child.I thinck he is the one who can macke a marriage work much better.I thinck i renunce of all for a child...
1 person likes this
@mayakup (1303)
• United States
8 Jan 07
no ive heard before that a child ruined a perfectly good marriage. it was great for yrs until the child came. have you ever thought that maybe kids arent for everyone?
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jan 07
This doesn't make any sense at all. You say that our reason for living is to HAVE KIDS? Are you serious? What about women that can't get pregnant, then, do they not have a purpose in life? My purpose in life, my reason for living is to work hard, learn as much as I possibly can, and to love my family, friends and fiance. I don't think getting knocked up and having a baby I can't afford (monetarily, emotionally or physically) would be a good idea. I don't think I'm ruining my life by not having one, actually I think I'm enriching my life by not having a baby. Some kids are "joy" others are spoiled brats. Ever seen Nanny 911 or Supernanny? Why deal with that if you don't have to or want to?
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jan 07
Just because you are married, and you are a woman doesn't mean that you have to have children. Maybe one day you'll both decide it's the right time, and you want to, and maybe you'll never want to. I can't explain why I wanted children, in fact, that is a very good question. Why did I want children? Maybe it was my desire to make up to my own children my issues with being adopted and other issues I won't get into, maybe it was just that need to give love to someone, someone who'd love me unconditionally. There's so many little bits of reasons I guess. One thing I can say, and I say to many family members or people sometimes is that one of the many things I love about my 3 boys, is no matter what, I know there's not a single day that goes by that I don't laugh so hard I tear. They are hysterical, bring even more meaning to my life. In fact, being a mother, I find it quite tough to explain what my boys mean to me. I truly know now, people who don't have children can't even begin to imagine what it's like, it's truly amazing. On the other hand, why not just enjoy your husband, life, and only have each other to be responsible for. My 3 boys are now 5, 3 and 2 yrs old, they are in preschool mornings and those mornings where all 3 are in, truly give me a break as I'm a stay at home mom. I'm just now starting college again after taking a detour. When you are a mom, you aren't first anymore. I'll be straight forward, there's pros and cons to being a parent, but there's pros and cons to being a spouse, or having a house, or anything in life. I guess my ramblings are to try to explain what my children mean to me, how they have truly changed me, and my life. I look back to when I was say 18, 23 whatever, I can't even believe how I was then. I'm very different now, but yet the same in ways too. So I can understand now that I am a parent, the reasons why and why not to have children. I've gotten to experience the before and the now. A friend of mine when I met her around 7 years ago, she wanted no kids ever, nothing to do with children, wasn't into it at all. She vowed to never have children. She went to my (1st sons) baby shower. I don't know what happened but she started thinking, and thinking she did, and her mind started to change, and long story short she now has a beautiful daughter and she has no regrets. She's one person I never thought would have children and did, surprised still to this day. To sum up, the sacrifices you make for your children are so worth it, time has flown since my children were born. One day they will move out on their own and I can only hope they lead healthy, safe lives and that I'm not worrying all the time for the rest of my life with how fast kids grow up too fast these days, freaks me out. For anyone saying to you that it's time, or is it time, or you're married and they expect you to have kids, be nice but make it clear, just because you are married doesn't mean you will definitely have children. That is up to you and your hubby. Good luck, and love your dog picture, so cute!
• United States
9 Jan 07
mayakup (644) - I recommend you do a LOT of babysitting before you have a child. I also recommend (and no offense) that you be with your hubby for more than a year b/4 you have a kid. Relationships change. I've been with mine for 6 years and I might have wanted kids at first (and even then it wasn't a huge priority) but not now. We are both too stubborn and impatient to have kids. I like to babysit and I like kids but if I couldn't give them back at the end of the day, I'd lose my mind. And I hate getting woken up, so does my fiance, he's even worse than me. So those 3 a.m. screaming fits wouldn't last 10 minutes in our house - we almost got rid of our cat b/c he pooped in the bed the first couple of weeks we had him. I'm glad we kept him, which I guess is like having a kid (in other words if I had one I wouldn't regret it) but I don't know. Oh, btw, I am adopted too (can't remember your name, the other person who posted) and I love my mom (my adopted mom) Linda. My birth mother however is a spoiled evil conniving woman who'd rather have her husband than me (I finally met her when I was 10, it was the worst mistake of my life) and I'm glad she's not my mom anymore. So I can understand how some people shouldn't have children. True, I wouldn't be born if she hadn't birthed me but that's all she did for me, and I am so blessed to have a great adopted mom who loves me unconditionally, other kids aren't so lucky.
1 person likes this
@mayakup (1303)
• United States
8 Jan 07
wow thanks so much for your wonderful response i truly appreciate all that you told me and that you tried to explain why ppl want kids. and i totally agree with you..i can never know what it is like or what it means to have kids unless i actually have one and maybe i will change my mind in the future who knows? also, my dog is a toy maltese and thanks for the compliment :)
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jan 07
Why have children? Because they are the best thing in the world. To see the little person that you created, to watch them grow and learn new things is the best. They are expensive, and time-consuming, but I don't really think I sacrifice to much. For any of the times I don't get to go out or any of the things I dont get to buy because of soemthing for my son, is paid back to me many times over ever since I first laid eyes on him, with every smile and kiss. I get to teach him new things and love watching him when he learns to do somethign new. I was there when he sat up, crawled and took his first step. His first word was "Mama" and that was great. I would never change my life for anything. There are sooo many people that would love to have children so I kind of think it's sad that you don't want any children, but I also think you maybe to selfish to have children. How great is your marriage if you're afraid that children may ruin it. I'd understand not wanting children right now, but to not know why people want or have children. Maybe because they're not as selfish as you.
1 person likes this
@Mecboy (1050)
• United States
9 Jan 07
sassymommy I BELIEVE IN YOU! Kids are Expensive? ocmon, What do kids what? they celebrate christmas, new years, JUly 4th. Ill have a kid someday. Ill spend $800 for a huge pack of fireworks for the kid and his friends,can come over together. Someday, no offense, Mayakup your gonna possibly be lonely. Wouldn't you enjoy a sunset or night sky, while your kid Says DADDY! MOMMY! don't you enjoy that? i mean a kid should be loved, nobody in my opinion is selfish. But i do about whatever it takes to raise my kid. I would love my wife, and kids. Someday ill get married. Im currently 15.maybe an italian girl.
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15307)
• United States
8 Jan 07
I'm glad that yo are not listening to other people. If you were to become a parent at this time you would make a terrible one. All things at the right time. Don't let any one pressure you into haveing any.
@mayakup (1303)
• United States
8 Jan 07
thanks I have to agree with you and honestly I would be the first to admit that I'd be a terrible parent since I dont want any children, least not now!
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jan 07
Children are expensive to raise. But, the need to nurture and love is something that drives people to want to have children of their own. It is a personal choice though.
@mayakup (1303)
• United States
8 Jan 07
it really is a personal choice. i wish ppl could respect the choice i make whether or not they agree with it
1 person likes this
@kellahinx (370)
• United States
8 Jan 07
Well kids could also be a very fulfilling thing and make your marriage even stronger. However, I agree with you, the thought is scary. Plus you are young. Don't let anyone rush you into something you are not ready to do or are not sure that you can afford. People like to have children and I don't think you can begrudge them that. It makes a lot of people happy. Plus a lot of women experience something that I once heard described as "baby fever". This is when their body is physically (with hormones) telling them that it wants to be pregnant. This is often more common in poor areas or small towns when girls also feel like a child would bring them something they don't have or fulfill some part of their life for them.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jan 07
My fiance calls it the "baby face". When a woman sees a kid and her eyes get all soft and she's thinking about what if she had a kid. I do it very rarely but everyone in awhile I'll be babysitting or I'll see a cute kid and I'll get that "babyface" look and a smile on my face. It scares the hell out of my fiance, ha ha ha! :)
1 person likes this
@34momma (13882)
• United States
8 Jan 07
yes children are expensive, time-consuming, and you wil have to make alot of sacrifices. But, it is worth it all to hold that child in your arms. to be the teacher and leader of that child. to know that this is child is a gift. children will teach you about a whole another way to love and to think and to be. i say if you feel you are not ready that is fine, but please don't rule it out.
@mayakup (1303)
• United States
9 Jan 07
yes I SO agree with you
1 person likes this
@BigBenas (943)
• Lithuania
8 Jan 07
"Well my husband and I are both 26 and everyone is saying it's time to have kids, we've been married almost 1 year and it's been going really great. So why have children? Aren't they just expensive, time-comsuming and they are a reason to have to sacrifice so much. What if kids ruin our marriage? I dont know, seems like too much giving up to do and it's scary. I just still dont get why people want and have kids? " it think not everyone doesn't whant kids i realy whant kids and i have kids And i think alot of couples like to have kids . A fruit of love .And i think that it is true and you need to think like that too :D .
1 person likes this
@mayakup (1303)
• United States
8 Jan 07
did you post my question in your response to get more points and to make your answer look longer?
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Jan 07
Looks like you don't really understand much. It's another step into marriage. It's also a way for the husband and wife to come closer to each other. Kids will not ruin marriage. The way you raise them it's up to you. I mean i would like to have kids, hard to explain why though. It's because well it's like giving a part of yourself to someone else.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jan 07
JellyBeans: I can guarantee 100% that if my fiance and I had children it would ruin our marriage. I don't think this means we have a bad marriage, but I think it means we know what we do and do not want - and we do NOT want children. Example: I thought I was pregnant 2 years ago, around our 4 year anniversary. I told my fiance and guess what he said? "Guess who's fault that is? You're the only always jumping on me". A mean thing to say but I'm sure that was his defensive way of reacting to what he obviously thought was VERY bad news. So if that's what he said and it was just a mistake, what would happen if I *REALLY* got pregnant?
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jan 07
Many people want to have kids because they believe that that is what they are supposed to do in life. We are brought up being told that when we get older, we are supposed to get married and have kids. Some people believe that they are supposed to have kids because of thier religion or culture. My wife and I have all but decided against having kids because life is just stressful enough for us now without them. We prefer dogs.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jan 07
I prefer cats! :) And I agree that people are often pressured into have children, either by their families or their friends. It's what is "expected". I think it's ridiculous, but that's my opinion!
1 person likes this
• Jamaica
9 Jan 07
if you dont have kids, who's gonna take care of you and your husband when ur old and shivel up. i'm not saying you should go and have kids now, but you should have kids, when the time is right. u think of them as being expensive, but when u get old, its gonna be more expensive to get a good helper or private nurse to good care of you, than your own child (doing it free of cost and out of love). you may be ill treated, all because you think kids are expensive. please make the right decision and please make it at the right time ok.
1 person likes this
• India
9 Jan 07
Simply because having kids is the most wonderful thing that can happen in someone's life besides if we want to sustain the human population we have to have kids
1 person likes this
@joanna07 (110)
• Ireland
9 Jan 07
u don't have to have kinds if you don't want to people are probably being nosey donot mind them. do what u want. i personallydo not think i want kids when i am older may change my mind but i acan not see myself wanting them.
• India
9 Jan 07
i thing so every one thinking is diffrent. acoording to me i except all thing which u r return but one thing when ever u see her/him smiling i lost all your tention. They make your life beutiful
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Jan 07
don't you want to have kids?.. well i do. because for me it is the fruit of your love for each other. don't you think it nice to look into a child seeing the face of you and your husband in one beautiful creature? i think once you bot yourself a child, you wont remember thinking of these thoughts
• India
9 Jan 07
You are absolutely right. You can wait for 2 to 3 yrs before you have. If you dont feel like it dont have. It will save a lot of hassel. A couple can enjoy married life to the hilt even without having kids.
1 person likes this