Losing My Parents

United States
January 9, 2007 5:02pm CST
I'm in my late twenties and been through a lot for someone my age. I'd like to think I'm fairly mature and able to handle most of what life dishes out with grace. So the situation I find myself in is leaving me completely flat-footed. My father is in the hospital right now with a VERY serious infection post-operation. It was so sudden. We were told we were lucky he wasn't dead by the time we got him to the hospital. I've never had someone to whom I was close, die. I am in NO WAY prepared for this. I have to keep thinking he will make a great recovery because I honestly don't know what I would do if he didn't make it. How does one deal with the possibility or actuality of losing someone so close to them?
13 people like this
46 responses
• United States
10 Jan 07
Honey, the first thing you need to do is breathe. Breathing is important. Keep your head about you. Pray. Take each day as it comes. Be by your father's side at every moment that you can. Give him support. Keep his spirits lifted. Pray together. Do not think negatively. Continue to think positively. Huggers to you. Please keep us posted.
• United States
10 Jan 07
I can't be there because of the severity and contagion. I am the primary care giver for my 2-yr-old son and he cannot be exposed to it. This is really hard.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Jan 07
Be with him in spirit my dear.
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I agree with everything said here. Please be by your father's side, and pray for him. I will pray for him as well. I can't imagine how I am going to handle it when I lose my parents, either. They have been such a big part of my life for my entire life. All I can do is offer you my sympathy and pray that your father improves. I really wish you and your family all the best.
4 people like this
@chetlog (526)
• Philippines
9 Jan 07
I have experienced the lost of both my grandmother and greatgrandmother, also my stepfather, and all of it were very solemn experience. It is very hard to face the fact that our loved ones may someday leave us but it is a part of life we have to deal with. Being a Filipino, we do have very close family ties, and through our family we get the strength to go on. Maybe you can find some comfort with other family members? Or a close friend? I do hope that your father win this one.
• United States
10 Jan 07
Thanks for the kind thoughts. My family and I aren't as close as I would like. I am very close to my parents but not so much to my sister. Because of the severity and contagion of the infection, it isn't safe for me to take my 2-yr-old with me to see my father or mother. I am his primary care giver so that necessitates we be distanced right now. It's pretty hard on me.
1 person likes this
@cute15 (339)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
i am sorry to the happenign of your father
3 people like this
@82idiots (595)
• United States
9 Jan 07
I'm the one to talk to about this, friend. Here's the scoop; the key is not to expect him to recover, but to expect him not to. You must remember that the universe owes you no favors. It doesn't care about you anymore than it does anyone else. Life throws at us what it will, and there is absolutely nothing that can be done about that except to swallow it and go on living. This, right here, is people's number one mistake; they keep waiting for something good to happen, for some miracle to come along, only to be set up for defeat when it doesn't materialize. As a general rule, things get worse before they get better. Just when you think you can't take anymore, life will throw something at you ten times worse. You'll think you die, but you won't. You'll keep going, and even be able to smile as you reflect back on it years later. We humans are naturally selfish creatures. We expect things to please us, to make us happy, to excite us. What we should be expecting is for the opposite. At least then when things DO go right, we are extra pleased and elated! I wish I could do like a lot of people here are good at doing, just patting you on the back and saying "God will help", "I will pray for you," etc. I only wished that worked! The truth is, the situation is bad. That you well know. There's no way around this storm, only through it. I am sorry for the situation, and of course, hope for the best outcome. If only hopes could change the world, aye?! But get the peace of mind that comes from realizing that we are powerless and helpless in this world, that we are at the mercy of fate. There is a great satisfaction to be had (call it a spiritual satisfaction if you will) in resigning all our sorrows and worries to the fates. Let come what may, cry your tears, then say "To hell with it!", and move on! Wish I had more comforting words, but truth tends to be rather cold. Best of luck! :)
3 people like this
@Geminigirl (1909)
• United States
10 Jan 07
Well, you have not lost him yet. I would pray, think positive, or do whatever you do to keep you thinking right. Try not to panic. Talk to friends, do what you are doing here, getting advice. Exercise, get enough sleep, eat healthy, read, write, do anything you can do to get you mind off the negative. Encourage your father and let him know you love him and are there for him.. That will help him out a bunch emotionally. I wish you all the best. I know this is tough.
3 people like this
• United States
12 Jan 07
Thank you for the words of encouragement. To just keep going and try to be supportive of my family is probably the best advice I have received (even in different words). Again thank you.
• Canada
10 Jan 07
I've lost my grand parents a while ago. I haven't really thought about it much until a few weeks ago. I started to think about what am i going to do. It felt like loosing a part of myself . My grandfather who i loved - We always used to play, wrestling and other games. While i loved both my grandparents when my grandfather left this world, my last grandparent i know. I felt i missed alot. Whenever i would call my siblings and ask them about our grandfather from force of habit they'd say ' huh! Grandfather? ' ... I myself don't know how i've dealt with it other then with the following sentence ' life goes on, you can't stop time nor go back in time , the only thing you have is your memories '
3 people like this
• United States
11 Jan 07
I don't know how to support my sister during this time either. She has always been pretty closed off to me emotionally. What did you do to help out your siblings?
2 people like this
• Singapore
10 Jan 07
i'm so sorry to hear that, my friend! Whatever it is, just remember to be strong and be mentally prepared should things become worse...my beloved grandpa passed away early jan 06...i felt empty and missed him a lot for the first month...but then time will heal all wound....sometimes, i could feel him around me, and i like to know that my grandpas has now become my guardian angel, overlooking and caring me....everything will be fine, my dear! Please keep us updated! :D Take Care
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 07
Well, he's in his 3rd surgery right now. The infection doesn't seem to be improving or getting worse, just battling on. He will probably go in for surgery at least once more. I'm pretty worn at this point and I cannot be there to help support my Mom since I have the 2-yr-old to watch.
@Island_Geko (3759)
• Canada
10 Jan 07
Glitter Hearts - Bear surrounded by hearts
you never deal with it, I lost my mom when I was a child, my grandparents as a teenagers and my dad well never been in the picture. But being there for your father and letting him know you love him is the best thing for you. If you can don't leave unresolved issues and make sure their is as much closer as possible. I never got that so I am lost in life and feeling abandoned and it is not what you need. Talk to him, make sure he knows. And I am also very very so you are going through this at time.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 07
Thank you for your kind thoughts. Thankfully I have not had a lot of unresolved issues with my Dad. I just wish I had been a better daughter to him and been there for him more often.
@yrteja (651)
• India
12 Jan 07
losing parents is one of the bad things.when there are no parents the life will become unambitionus and it spoils the life.
• United States
12 Jan 07
I disagree. Yes, losing parents is difficult but I am now ambitious on my child's behalf. I want to be successful so he can have everything I never did.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jan 07
helpful - you have the right idea.
• Philippines
10 Jan 07
I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I believe prayer is the answer and you have to be strong for your mom. She will feel sadder if she sees you're suffering. I'll pray for you though.
• United States
12 Jan 07
Being strong is usually the whole family's role. We al try to pretend there is nothing wrong and be there for each other. Not sure if this is the healthiest approach though.
@nibory (177)
• United States
10 Jan 07
I can only think of platitudes right now but I can assure you that if the worse happens, you will go through the grieving process and you will survive. You may even come out a stronger, even more mature person than you were before. The platitudes are true, although shen you are grieving, it doesn't feel like "time will heal all wounds," or "there's a silver lining behind every cloud." But, as someone who has also been through much heartache, including losing my father in my twenties, I can assure you that you will be okay. It is part of life and somehow, we go on. In the meantime though, let your dad know you love him and continue to hope for the best. Try not to worry about losing him. It may not happen for a long time yet.
• United States
11 Jan 07
Thanks. It is good to know life continues on the other side of the big abyss into which I feel I am staring. One of the hardest parts right now is I CAN'T be with him because I have to take care of my 2-yr-old and the infection is VERY contagious.
@bikaner (58)
• India
10 Jan 07
Have courage my child and hope/try/pray for the best.At this time all the members of the family should share the shock/grief collectively.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 07
I think right now we are more stunned than anything else. We will be pulling together though. Thanks.
@serene2 (278)
• New Zealand
10 Jan 07
Facing the possibility of losing a loved one is mentally upsetting. Brain races 100 miles an hour. Thinking,thinking,thinking. But we get through it the best way we can.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Jan 07
I just don't know how to prepare myself for the possibility.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jan 07
I am sorry to hear about your Dad. but what I did when I thought I was going to lose my Mom was I just asked god to make the choice of taking her home with him, or letting me keep her, I did not care if she could not walk or take care of her self as long as she could tell me she was hungry or in pain, I could do the rest for her. but if she was going to be in pain for the rest of her life I asked him to take her because I did not want her to suffer. So just ask your self if your father would be happy with the outcome, My prayers are with you and your family, nana2000
• United States
10 Jan 07
Oh boy. Darlin, we all feel what you are feeling right now, that is normal. I am 56 years old and I still have trouble dealing with the idea of losing my parents. It has nothing to do with you age. There is nothing stronger than the bond between parents and their children. You were dealt a terrible blow, but it can still work out right? Is your mom still alive? If so, then the two of you can lean on each other to get through this. I don't know anything about you and will not try to push my belief on you, but for me, I will be praying for your dads recovery and for the Lord to give you the strength that you need to get through this. I have been taught since I was a child that the Lord will not give you more than you can handle, so if you believe in God, you might do some praying too and lean on him for guidance. If you need someone to listen, I am here. God Bless you.
1 person likes this
@abg1988 (340)
• India
10 Jan 07
nothing will happen to him. you should be brave enough to face everything.. lets pray for his early recovery
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jan 07
Its not an easy situation to be in. You don't have to be strong, you dont have to hide your tears, but you cant close yourself. Talk about it with family and friends, talking really helps., and prevents you from feeling alone.
@imakella (665)
• United States
12 Jan 07
i request u too be in touch with all ur realtives..they can support u or else i can give up......
• China
10 Jan 07
I am sorry about your current situation... In the world, losing parents is the most painful thing in the world I think. What I can do is to pray for your father to recover ASAP...You must be strong at this tought time, support your father and try to set up a kind of confidence in your father's heart - he can survive this hard time.
@vijethk (105)
• India
10 Jan 07
ya i will too support your answer its really pains...
@sashasmom (136)
• United States
16 Jan 07
This was posted 7 days ago. I hope things have improved. Pray for him and for his doctors, pray for the people who can help him to know the right things to do. If the worse should happen, you put one foot infront of the other. Somehow you just get through it one day at a time. It never gets easier you just learn how to handle it better. My son(15) lost his dad last april. You survive you move on. I lost my husband that day.