Step kids and discipline

United States
January 11, 2007 7:29am CST
What do you do when you have step kids for discipline. I am constantly in a fight with my husband about discipline. He says i am too tough on his son and too light on my daughter. I feel the complete same about him. He is too tough on my daughter and lets his son do whatever he wants. We have been married since 2003, and it has been down hill since 2004. It just gets worse each year. I am at the end of my rope. I have even tried I discipline mine, and he disciplines his. HOWEVER i am a stay at home mom, so I am with all the kids all the time. And when it comes to him actually disciplining his son, he RARELY does. He talks to him, but there never is an actual punishment. I think it is wrong. NOT when he wants to have my kid punished, but looks the other way with his. WHat do you think?
2 people like this
6 responses
@amber81 (288)
• United States
11 Jan 07
I know where your coming from! My fiance has two kids but we dont have full custody we have joint custody right? Well, They come over Everyother weekend. When they get in trouble he just puts them on the couch and makes them sit there, he wont spank them or time out or anything like that their 5 and 3 ... And what kids going to feel in trouble getting to watch cartoons... come one now... and thats all he does, but when it comes to our little girl we have together shes disciplined, Spanked ,timed out by me, and sometimes himself. I dont know if its maybe cause he figures he only has them two weekends a month but you cant get on to one kid and not the others you know for doing the same thing. Its not right,but yet i dont not discipline our daughter cause he dont his... i want her to knw what is right and what is wrong. He tells me to discipline his kids like i do my daughter but i cant cause i would feel funny with them not being my own i guess. I just wish that he would discipline his kids cause i have to take my daughter in the other room to get discipline cause i dontwant her to know shes getting in trouble but her dad is letting her brother and sister get away with it... its not right but i know i have to let her know shes done wrong. So sorry for making this so long.. its very frustrating!
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jan 07
My husband has custody of his two and I have custody of my two. It just is frustrating that he lets him get away with it all. He told my daughter to F off and not just the letter either. AND HE DID NOTHING. well it was on the bus, and i cant believe he did it. Well I am at the end of my rope. I am ready to move on. I just hate the thought of putting my girls through another divorce.
• United States
18 Jan 07
First of all you should not be spanking anyones kids. second of all put them in time out or in there rooms. if u spank your kids then thats u but would u want another woman beating on ur kids? I dont think so. If ur step kids misbehave then send them to there rooms or put them in time out.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
I have sent them to their rooms, and they continue to act the same. I dont want to spank him or any of the kids. However What else do you do when NOTHING works
• United States
22 Jan 07
We go thru this in our household also. We have custody of his daughter, and we have a younger son together. I am rough on her, even though I do not curse at my children (I do consider her mine, I've been her mom for 8 yrs. now, she has only seen her real mom 2 times since she was a little older than 2.) But she doesn't mouth off at me where he can hear it. Or most of the time she says stuff when he isn't home. I do love her, but I must admit that I do favor my son, I enjoy spending time with him, we seem to have a connection that I do not have with my stepdaughter. I think she may be jealous of that. My husband will displine her, but most of the time he doesn't follow thru. He will tell her she is grounded, but she will still get to go do stuff. So I think it sends a mixed message.
• United States
22 Jan 07
I would think that he should have the final say regarding his son, and you should have the final say regarding your daughter, since she is yours and he is his. However, if at all possible, you and he should be able to come to some sort of middle ground on this. If you don't want him being the final say on your kid's punishment, he should respect that.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jan 07
I have three step children and one of my own. We never discipline the kids differently it's not right. The children can see the favoritism and will react to it.
1 person likes this
@Stephanie5 (2947)
• United States
11 Jan 07
This is exactly how it happens at my house also! It's so damn frustrating, isn't it? My old man's 13 year old constantly beats up my 8 and 9 year old. My 8 year old is as small as a 5 year old. His son is 4 times his size! Well, I've had it. My old man validates his son doing this because he says my kids run their mouths. Well, I don't give a crap what my kids say, it doesn't deserve a beating by his mouthy little butt. I'm terrified that welfare is going to come knocking on my door, you know? Anyways, We fight constantly about it. He says my kids should keep their mouth shut if they don't want to be hit. I disagree!!! His son is the mouthiest kid in the whole freaking world, he disrespects EVERYONE!!! And I seriously mean EVERYONE, teachers, parents, adult strangers,etc. He's bad. Yet, noone ever does anything about it!!! I punish my kids when I catch them aggervating him, etc. But,I'm going to stop doing that, becuz he never does anything to his son..EVER. And I've had it. It's seriously about to end our relationship. I don't have any great advice, just wanted to let you know that you aren't teh only one. Good Luck. If I figure it out, you'll be the first to know!
@uath13 (8206)
• United States
11 Jan 07
Your probably both doing it. You need to sit down and get yourselves on the same page.