I can't meet my mom's satisfaction.....
By xylee112201
@xylee112201 (108)
Philippines
January 11, 2007 12:07pm CST
Sometimes i hate being the only child in the family...coz i'm the only one to be expected to be like this and that, to do this and that...
For all my growing up years, i believed that things you wanted to do should be upon your hearts desire. But which is which??? Things that your mom wanted to do since "they know best" or things that will make you really happy...
I don't know if it's a big, big, big mistake not to follow her or rather what i know best for myself is the best???I'm getting fed up with "i told you so" whenever i've made mistakes. I never really get any support from my mom except when i did something she really likes...
It's actually from school, job, boyfriends, husband and how should i run my life that she dictates a lot her own way...
What 'ya think people? help me out here....
8 people like this
59 responses
@Maryam_Nazir (249)
• Pakistan
11 Jan 07
A lot of people feel this way ,infact all of us.So you need not worry dear.Its a normal part of growing up with the family.I've always felt that the parents are usually right.Not just because they are older and cleverer but because they've been through same stuff while they were growing up.So , may be they do not want you to make the same mistakes in life.
I've learnt this in my relasionship with my younger sister.Im a couple of years older than her.So when I see her doing something that I think is wrong or something that I did that I regret now,I try to correct her.And naturally this creates arguments.
Its okay to live life according to one's own light,but its good to sometimes listen to those who love you and care about you.Good Luck!
3 people like this
@chemicalh2 (627)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
were the same. its really a headache but i guess she only wants to give me the best. i guess sometimes its just too much
@bam001 (940)
• United States
11 Jan 07
I am a strong believer in "to thine own self be true." Is it really worth the effort of doing things if those things are not making you happy.
Is it possible that your mother is trying to live out her goals and wishes through your life? I know that doesn't make it easier to bear, but it may give you some insight to her actions and behavior.
Try to make peace with yourself that things probably won't change and then try to move forward with your life. You will probably never make your mother happy and you probably won't get her support. Do you spend a lot of time seeking her approval? There is a good chance that you will not get her full approval, no matter what you do. I honestly thing that when people feel the need to be controling of others, that they are very unhappy themselves.
2 people like this
@korek222 (701)
• Poland
11 Jan 07
i know what you mean - parents almost always expect from us more than they should! They want us to be smartest ,best in everything. And their advises are often too protective . I'm not the only child but i always hated that mine parents compared me to mine older brother who was the better one!
2 people like this
@SisterLove (304)
• United States
11 Jan 07
What is really werid is that I am the a family of five siblings and my mother has done that to each one of us. I am 26yrs old and still to this day it bothers me. You know what though xylee112201 its our mom not us, I dont know if you have kids but thats when we will understand why she does that. I dont have any kids my other siblings do and thats what they tell me, in time I will understand. Hey now I just try and make a joke outta what she does to get her to loosen up, I cant tell my mom to quit it will only hurt. And the reason it will hurt is beacuse our parents have taken care of us for so many years this is there full time job. Like with anything in life it takes time my other siblings got why mom does what she does. I will soon have my own understanding, but until then enjoy your mom. You know what get her to have fun and dont let her always feel like she has to be superwoman. Tell her she needs to chill more shes getting older she needs to relax. Hey heres to the both of us for having crazy moms but you gotta love her.....
1 person likes this
@dnatureofdtrain (5273)
• Janesville, Wisconsin
12 Jan 07
I grew up in a household of 15 6 adopted 5-8 foster children... and then my parents. So the household number fluctuated. We all had very strict rules, and my parents mad me mad they had higher expectations for some of us, and let the others get away with everything!.. Now they are paying for it as the one getting away with everything are the ones that are stealing, not helping out, and basically running my family into debt, and making my life still a live .... fire pit... Moms mean well with their expectations it is best for your mother to be the strongest critic, because then when you go into the world. No one else can phase you. I went up against many people in many ways that did not bother of phase me one bit, as there was one adversary in my mind at those times and her name was MOM. So as much as I hate her high expectations, over controlling, overly assertive, isolating type streak... In the end I have to thank her as I run into others like her, and I think MOM!!!!! ... I can still be respectful to them, althought my thought are the imaginings of my mouth meeting their nose with a fist... Good thing I have learned not to give into those imaginings... But Jeeesh. Mother are critical because they want us to be strong, tough, and be able to handle the world... Some are purely this way because their mothers were to them. I look at how my 80 year old Grandmother treats mom, who is 50, and then I totally understand why mom treats us the same crummy way. I call it the Crazy Mother Gene... "I hope your children turn out just like you curse...... Seems to be one uttered I would not dobut way back to Adam and Eve! ...
Mothers go overboard, most mean well, sometimes they do not.. but moms are human.... anyone wants their children to be super, the best. so they will push them, even try to push them to be better than they were in areas they had failed in. - DNatureofDTrain
@arpit5nov (19)
• India
11 Jan 07
I am not the only child like you I have a younger sister. I have always felt that expectations are only from those who have the capabilies for doing well. So you must take some heart from that. I suppose your mom's strictness might be a result of her wanting you to besuccessful in life. Furthermore, if you make mistakes, your mom has every right of telling you 'I told you so'. You should be sporting enough to except them and mindful enough to remember not to commit them again. I think being alone, there is more attention from your parents and others so if it brings a bit of negatives as you have mentioned, you must take them in your stride. Living in a family, you will have to make some compromises in order to have its fruits. I advise you to have a nice calm chat with your mother and father together and discus your problem with them. I dont think any parent would refuse to that. Hope this advise would help.
1 person likes this
@angelface23 (2494)
• United States
11 Jan 07
I am an only child also and my whole family had their expectations for me which some of them I didn't live up to. They are always trying to make my decisions for me which pisses me off to no end. Like when I tell my mom or grandma that I want something, for instance they're always like, "You have bills to pay, you can't afford it." WTF!! I am an adult and I am very aware of my own bills and my own money situation. It's like I wasn't asking your permission, I was just telling you. It's like that in other instances too, treating me like I don't have a mind of my own. I am out of the house and I have a baby and I am getting married tomorrow. I have my own life now and my own family.
@xylee112201 (108)
• Philippines
11 Jan 07
Wow! Congratulations in advance and thanks for the info
1 person likes this
@dip_cool (411)
• India
11 Jan 07
i know exactly how you feel.being the only child is really tough.and its more tough when parents have so much expectations from you.sometimes they are too over protective and will interfere in every decision you take.you should tell her that you dont like to be dictated and can make your own decisions.you have to be a little tough in here or else she will continue to dictate you.best of luck.
@SirPyan (429)
• Malaysia
11 Jan 07
Living on your parent expectation can be difficult indeed. But sometimes, when things happen, they just happen. I think it's fair to think you are what you are, your future and your life lies on your hand, not your parent. I'm not asking you to disobey your parent, but of course all parent want the best for their kids, just sometimes they overreact. Can't blame them of course. Like myself, so many years ago when I was in school, I just follow what my parent told me. I always got good grades, my parent so proud of me. You could say I was a successful child, until I got kicked out of the university because of my poor performance. My parent so disappointed with me. But that's not the end of life, now, I choose my own path. I still listen to my parent for suggestion, just that they knew all the decision lies in my hand. Don't be afraid for mistake, for mistake teaches us to be a better person. Well, just don't do stupid mistake of course. :D
1 person likes this
@katisaurus (1038)
• Canada
11 Jan 07
I know how you feel in a way, I'm the youngest of three kids. I constantly hear how my brother and my sister did something I'm doing now. I always hear things like "Your brother(or sister) never did this bad at this" or "Your brother(sister) did this" It's annoying, really. I'm expected to live up to what they did.. I'm more into sports than I am at music or academics, and I get torn down for it. I go at my own pace, and I do what I'm capable of doing and I only push myself to an extent. Do what you think is right, or what your HEART tells you.. Not the little voice that's your mother.
1 person likes this
@gm240359 (43)
• India
12 Jan 07
It is not that entirely bad to be the only child in the family. The only child gets all the attention, undivided love, affection and care, unchallenge possession of toys, dolls, lollys, chocolates and such like goodies. A price also needs to be paid for that. The parental glare, over-attention, obsessive patronage, illogical expectations, round-the-clock enforcement of displine and finally disgusting interference in every sphere and aspect of life - these are the prices to be paid. The children are made to believe that the outer-world is infested with demons and bad guys and the parents only know the pitfalls. But this is not exactly true always.
Since you have described your problem nicely and you are 25, your mom like it or not, you are out of the cockoon. Tile has come for you to assert yourself but for doing that you need be very rude to your mom. Initially, start saying 'NO' in polite but firm manner and instantly explain your logic carefully. Improve your personality in such a manner that your utterances are respected. Smile always, but laugh & talk in a regulated manner. Show that you are self-conscious, responsible, purpose-oriented, yet loving. Enquire a lot about your mom and start advising him politely on the daily matters of health, weather, household-chores, etc. If she gets disgusted, tell her, that the rule is same for you also. Try these for next 10 days and then post me the results. I would love to give you some extra tips then. Remember, this is a surmountable problem.
1 person likes this
@chingoy (46)
• Philippines
12 Jan 07
it is really confusing. when i was in this same situation, i would have done differently and even go overboard! but now that i am also making a family of my own, having been able to get a glimpse of the mother's perspective, moms only do what they think is right and best for their children. but i think should have been done in a really nice way! with regard to the i told you so's of your mom, she should have done it constructively! sometimes, the only way for the child to learn is experiencing the whole thing! we, as parents, should always support whatever decision children will make but we are just there to give them options though on what we think is right and best for a certain situation...
1 person likes this
@juanjoenriquez (72)
• Ecuador
11 Jan 07
I think that your mom have some problems, maybe you make something in your child that make your mom make some bad, I think that you talk to your mom
@pendragon (3350)
• United States
12 Jan 07
I go all Ricky Nelson and "Garden Party" when i hear things like this.."You can't please everyone, so ya, got to please yourself."Sometimes you just have to set your own priorities and ignore those that you can't "please"... y'know they probably can't please themselves and you're there to take it out on.Happens a lot, just separate your karmas.
@Centregeek (500)
• United States
12 Jan 07
This seems to be a fact of life. There is always one parent, especially, that has dreams for you and wants you to do exactly what they want you to do. You often feel that you never measure up to their expectations for you and you just have to ask yourself who's life you are living. It's okay to take your parents' advice and to go along with them sometimes, however, you have to make decisions for yourself and do what makes you happy at other times. If you don't do things you want to do on ocasion, you will live with regret and wonder what might have been. Of course, when your parents offer you sound advice that you know you can't go wrong with or is the best solution to your problems, go with it. Best wishes.
@brimia (6581)
• United States
12 Jan 07
Sometimes parents know what's best. They were young once too and are older and hopefully wiser :) Still, you need to be able to live your life and learn from your mistakes. Talk with your mom and tell her how upset you are and that you feel like you can't please her. I'm sure your mom wants the best for you and she just needs to know that you want her to support you in all you do.
@Maryam_Nazir (249)
• Pakistan
11 Jan 07
A lot of people feel this way ,infact all of us.So you need not worry dear.Its a normal part of growing up with the family.I've always felt that the parents are usually right.Not just because they are older and cleverer but because they've been through same stuff while they were growing up.So , may be they do not want you to make the same mistakes in life.
I've learnt this in my relasionship with my younger sister.Im a couple of years older than her.So when I see her doing something that I think is wrong or something that I did that I regret now,I try to correct her.And naturally this creates arguments.
Its okay to live life according to one's own light,but its good to sometimes listen to those who love you and care about you.Good Luck!
1 person likes this
@inked4life (4224)
• United States
12 Jan 07
You have to live your life to make yourself happy and do what's best for you. If your mom berates everything you do, then nothing is vere going to make her happy. You just have to accept that and move on. If she can't accept you for who you are, mistakes and all, then that is her problem, not yours.
@rajee2007 (331)
• India
12 Jan 07
why, do your work correctly and perfect then u should satisfy your mom
