Half-sister

@Trace86 (5033)
United States
January 12, 2007 2:35am CST
I have a half-sister I have never met. I found out about her when I was about 14. I haven't seen our father,term used loosely, since I was 9. I would love to find her and get to know her. Am I being selfish to want to meet her and disrupt her life? My cousin, who knows about both of us, says she has no idea that I exist. Additionally, if I should try to find her, where should I start?
3 people like this
12 responses
• India
12 Jan 07
there are certain feelings in our hearts which are very difficult to expalin as i the feeling to meet a half-sister who has no idea of ones existence. knowing such peple with whom u have blood relations and establishing contact with them is natural to any human being n it is perfectly normal to be so.
4 people like this
@shywolf (4520)
• United States
13 Jan 07
I don't think that you are being selfish! I think that she would love to know that you exist! I am an only child, but my father had a son and a daughter with a woman that he was married to before he divorced and married my mother. So I have a half-brother and a half-sister both. But I have not met either of them since I was old enough to remember. I have heard that they saw me when I was a baby, but there is of course no memory of this in my brain *laugh* I guess that i've never really felt motivated to meet them, but it would be nice to know how they're doing. I hope that you can find your half-sister. I have no idea how to start looking, but I am sure that someone else can help you out with that! ^_^
3 people like this
@peaceful (3301)
• United States
12 Jan 07
If your heart is telling you that you should try to find her, there is no reason why you shouldn't go ahead and do it... White Pages Online has a free people finder, it will work if you have some of the basic information about her... http://www.whitepages.com I once went looking for some estranged relatives of mine and the results could be uplifting or a real downer... Prepare yourself for both. May Blessings Abound for you and yours! :) Let me know how it turns out...
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
12 Jan 07
IF she has no clue that you exist then its probably best that you don't go introduce yourself in person. This is one of those situations where you might consider seeing a professional, traditional therapist so that you don't keep dealing with all the feelings that must be swirling around about your father and this sibling. Another approachyou ight take is to contact her mother, that is if the mother is aware that the father of her child had other children. The mother would probably be the best person to pave the way for youto meet with you dibling. But, the mother might be very upset by your contacting her as well. If that is the case then at least you would have a bit of closure witht he whole situation. Good luck!
@zaratoga (83)
• Indonesia
15 Jan 07
I do not think you're selfish as you still wants to find your half sister. Maybe you must start from your cousin that who know and close to you both. Let him/her to meet or contact her, after the condition is good then you will try to meet her.
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Oh do I see both sides of this one. My niece just met her father last year and she now knows about her half sister and brother who are several years older then her. She hasn't met them yet since they live out of state but she would like to. What I would suggest if your cousin knows both of you go to the child's mother. See what she says. If your sister is under 18 then it would be up to the mother to decide if she wants her daughter to know or not. This way you won't cause waves that the family might not want. I think that would be the best bet. Then if the mother is agreeable you can set up a time to meet with them. Now if the half-sister is over 18 then perhaps ask your cousin to arrange a meeting. See what happens from there.
2 people like this
@ossie16d (11826)
• Australia
15 Jan 07
No you are not being selfish at all in wanting to at least meet your half-sister. It might be that once you do meet that you have nothing in common except for the same biological father but at least you will know, rather than spend a long time wondering. Contact your cousin and ask if she or another member of the family can approach your half-sister about your existence. If she is agreeable, then write to each other first and perhaps talk on the phone before having that personal meeting. The Red Cross and Salvation Army also have people who can assist in these sorts of situations, and often they are the ones to talk too as they have a lot of experience with family reunions. Good luck and I do hope it all goes well for you, but do not be too disappointed if it doesn't. The other thing is that this could be a shock to your half-sister so she might not be interested at first but you can try again in a couple of years, as sometimes time helps. :)
2 people like this
@Lydia1901 (16353)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Well, you might want to ask the person who told you that you have a half-sister to find out where she is. I don't see anything selfish about wanting to know your sibling.
@missyd79 (3438)
• United States
18 Jan 07
i have a half brother and a half sister, we all know about each other and have met each other but i do not have a real relationship with them, my half brother is more open with me then my half sister, her i just can't seem to have her open up, so i just let her come to me when she wants, and this may be a good idea for you, she may just be confused and unsure how to react with you.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Jan 07
I do not think it is selfish to want to find your half-sister. I think it is very natural and normal to want to get to know people who are related to you! Of course, if your half-sister makes it clear that she doesn't want to meet and doesn't want contact with you, then you drop the matter, but at least you know you tried. As for where to start, as others have said, start with the cousin who told you about her. She is a good place to begin.
1 person likes this
@itsjustmeb (1212)
• Canada
15 Jan 07
My daughter is going to be asking this same question when she's your age. She has one half sister, and two half brothers out there from her father. I'd say try to approach her if you can, and slowly try to make contact. If she bites, okay cool atleast you know she's there for you. If she wants nothing to do with you then hey atleast you know you tried right?
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 07
No, you are not being selfish. You are trying to maintain your roots. As far as your Father, that is a loss that he can never replace. I would start with your cousin and have her discuss tis with your 1/2 sister and start to bridge the gap in both of your lives. Have you cousin or cousins parents approach her and explain the situation and then see is she wants to meet you. It might take a while for it all to sink in and she might need to verify the information with her Father before she is comfortable with meeting you. Be patient, but ask for your cousins help. Good Luck!