Have you ever????

United States
January 12, 2007 8:52am CST
Have you ever had to hide your boyfriend/husband from your family. For me I have had to hide him from my family for months. Since September 2006 to be exact. It's so hard to keep him from them. When i moved out of his house and into my own apartment i was lonely and i missed him. We worked things out and was only apart for 2 weeks. Ever since i had to hide him living with me. I live about 40 minutes from my family, but it's still hard when i have to hide all of his stuff. I dont' want to do this anymore. So i decided i would tell my grandma that he has been staying with me for a few days because he just got a job in the city i live in and that we are working things out. And he is also going to help me with bills. He's been helping with bills because we share everything, but she didn't know that. If you've ever been through this please share your experience here and let me know how you got through it?? Thank you..
11 people like this
26 responses
@msqtech (15075)
• United States
12 Jan 07
The first question that comes to mind is "What are you ashamed of". I would try to understand why I cant live as an adult proud of my life and make changes appropriately. If you are ashamed of something then change it so you can live proud.
3 people like this
• United States
12 Jan 07
i'm not ashamed of anything. the reason i am hiding him is my family dont approve of my life. i was raised in a church and living together unmarried is a sin in their eyes and that is the first thing. the second thing is he is quit a few years older than me and they think that he only wants me for s*x and he's just using me. that's not true at all. we've been together for a year and nearly 1/2. if that's all he wanted i'm sure he couldve found it somewhere else. i'm proud to be with him and i love him very much i'm just scared that my family will think i'm no good. i am pretty rebelious in their eyes starting with i have 3 piercings and am going to get more and i also want a few tattoos and i am living and having s*x with my boyfriend. to tell you the truth we probably won't be married for a long time so i guess they'll have to live with it. i was just so tired of them telling me you're living wrong and you're doing wrong. and they tell me i dont approve of how you're living and all that.. thank you for responding. you've opened my mind to a few things with your response.
2 people like this
• United States
12 Jan 07
i'm not ashamed of anything. the reason i am hiding him is my family dont approve of my life. i was raised in a church and living together unmarried is a sin in their eyes and that is the first thing. the second thing is he is quit a few years older than me and they think that he only wants me for s*x and he's just using me. that's not true at all. we've been together for a year and nearly 1/2. if that's all he wanted i'm sure he couldve found it somewhere else. i'm proud to be with him and i love him very much i'm just scared that my family will think i'm no good. i am pretty rebelious in their eyes starting with i have 3 piercings and am going to get more and i also want a few tattoos and i am living and having s*x with my boyfriend. to tell you the truth we probably won't be married for a long time so i guess they'll have to live with it. i was just so tired of them telling me you're living wrong and you're doing wrong. and they tell me i dont approve of how you're living and all that.. thank you for responding. you've opened my mind to a few things with your response.
@sunshinecup (7880)
12 Jan 07
Sorry sweetie I haven't. I have always given myself one rule, don't lie and be honest. I never hid anything from my parents. If I was big enough to do it, I has big enough to own up to it. Some times, I think my parents really did wish I just lied to them and not tell them the truth. Like when I lost my virginity, I don't think they really wanted to hear it. LOL
3 people like this
• United States
13 Jan 07
i always try to be honest and not lie. but this hurt me and i didnt know how else to deal with it. sometimes parents dont want to know everything but sometimes they have to. it's hard to hide things like this from them. thank you for responding sunshinecup :)
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 07
i hid a year long relationship from my family. They thought we were jsut friends. The craziest part was, he lived in Arizona, so we only got to see each other when he came to visit...and then he "moved" to AZ and i went to see him once. Then we broke up.
2 people like this
• United States
25 Feb 07
long distance relationships don't seem to work out so well these days. thanks for responding
@maribel1218 (3085)
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
I really hide my boyfriend now my husband to my family during early 2 years of our relationship my parents are really strict and they will not allow me to have a boyfriend in that early years specially I was still studying. Also there is instances that I hide him during our training in our corps organization where we are both reserved officer of the navy and relationship in the course organization is prohibited. Sometimes we have to kept the relationship not that we are ashamed of it but for the purpose of keeping it for the benefit of keeping.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Feb 07
my parents are really strict too. wow. you had a lot more of a tough situation than me. with your parents and the navy. thanks for sharing your experience. thanks for responding.
@smacksman (6072)
8 Feb 07
Follow your heart, pebbles. You have been with your man long enough to know that he is genuine. Your parents love you, I'm sure, and are just trying to protect you from yourself. I'm a traditionalist at heart and would like to see people married before living with each other, if only because marriage cements a relationship and makes it a bit more difficult to split up over a silly tiff - and tiffs happen! But I accept that society has changed and I must change with it, for good or for bad. Good luck to you both.
• United States
9 Feb 07
yea my parents love me. they will just have to accept him too. i thank you for responding to my discussion and for sharing your views.
1 person likes this
@aprilten (1966)
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
it never happened to me. it's a hard thing when your folks don't approve of your love. instead of being happy and proud together you're probably always on the lookout because they might find out about him. well, i just hope you can smooth things out with your folks about this guy so you need not hide him from them anymore.
2 people like this
• United States
8 Feb 07
it's the hardest thing i've ever done. since we live in another city it's a little easier to hide, but when my family calls me on the phone it's really hard. you may have to cough or sneeze or something. i hope my parents will begin to get along with him so we can be blissfully happy. thanks for responding.
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
I truly understand what you feel..and i think mine is even harder.. i have a bf now and we've been going out for more than a year now but it's still a secret to my family and friends. Only the close friends of ours know about our relationship and it's really hard for me because I cant go out with him without feeling afraid and apprehensive --afraid of being caught or being seen by someone i know. I am also not ashamed of him but if my family found out about him,they wont approve of him and will surely separate us because we are of different cultures.. Whenever we have the chance to be together, we make the most out of it and maximize every moment that we are together.
• United States
8 Feb 07
yeah your situation is harder since they didnt know at all. that would be so hard to not even go out with him in fear that someone would see you. my boyfriend and i are also from different cultures and backgrounds. i was raised a baptist christian. i went to church my whole life. since he is 25 years older than me is hard for them to think about. he is from albanian and was raised a muslim. which that has no conflicts between us. i respect his religion and he respects mine. i hope things get better for you and i wish that your family wouldn't try to tear you apart. good luck and thank you for sharing your story.
• Philippines
9 Feb 07
thank you very much!i also wish you good luck with your bf. They say as long as you love each other, you will surpass any problem.. really hope it goes well for us cause it's really a very complicated one for us..
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25136)
• Australia
22 Feb 07
Yes, I've had to hide boyfriends and other aspects of my life. My family are catholic and look down on me because of situations I have gotten into throughout my life. Sure sometimes I look back and think they were justified and that I've made a real mess of my life, but whenever I was in trouble, they were nowhere to be seen. When I was pregnant and unmarried at 16, I was not even allowed to attend our church. I had to walk by myself to the next suburb. It was a lonely time and I felt unwanted and unloved. When I was being beaten by a brutal husband, I was so ashamed because I had nowhere to go and no-one to turn to. Those feelings of aloneness and being unworthy of being loved grew over the years.Those feelings have never left me and I think they are not very christian to abandon me as they have done. I needed their love and support. I'd rather be me though. I don't like them or trust them.
• United States
25 Feb 07
that's a shame that your family was no where to be found when you needed them the most. it's also sad they didn't even let you attend church because you weren't married and pregnant at 16. i know a lady that has a few kids and she is a preachers daughter. her first child she was unmarried until a few months before the baby was born. her family still loved her and were there for her. that's sad that they weren't there when you were in a horrible abusive relationship. no they're not very christian to have abandoned you. people are so sickening these days. thanks for responding and you have all my support.
@ethanmama (1746)
• Philippines
20 Feb 07
Yes. At the start of our relationship. My parents didn't approve of my then boyfriend. My father was sick of cancer so I didn't really want to rock the boat. Anyway, we had a happy ending....we eventually got married, now we have a toddler who's the apple of my mother's eyes :). Sadly, my dad passed away before he could give me away at my wedding.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 07
my family didn't approve and dont approve of mine either. it gets complicated when someone is really sick. it's good that you guys got married and had a child. sorry to hear that your dad passed before your wedding. thanks for responding
• United States
20 Feb 07
i have not had to hide my boyfriend from my family at anytime. My sister however is staying with me right now. she is in the process of getting a divorce and moved from kentucky. she does have a boyfriend already but I told her she should wait for that. when she gets a place I will be the only one that knows he lives with her but I am not so sure it will work her 3 year old daughter is VERY smart and I am sure it will slip.I wouldnt hide anythign like that. would make that other person fell less important in your life.why do you have to hide it if you were already living with him. they should be happy that you wokred things out and are back togather.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 07
yea your sister would be taking a big risk. yea kids are smart and they figure things out pretty quickly. see my grandma didn't know he moved back in with me. he was living somewhere else for 2 weeks in september last year and i didn't tell her he moved in until this year. i told her after i started this discussion. they're kind of happy we worked things out but things that we've been through and other things they know is why they don't think it's a good idea. thanks for responding
@vanities (11409)
• Davao, Philippines
20 Feb 07
well at first i did not tell my parents that ill already have a boyfriend coz im still young though..your situation is different..ill still leave with my parents and im not allowed to dot hat..were so conservative and i think until now we are...im already married with the guy ive mentioned earlier..
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 07
that's good that it worked out and you got married. when you live with your parents you have to go by there rules or at least compromise with them. i had to do that for the first few months. thanks for responding
@multisubj (451)
• India
20 Feb 07
I understand that US is a free, frank, open and transparent country. Then why hide a relationship? If your selection is the best, your gm. will appreciate and approve. If she finds some error in your decision, you can check up whether you have really erred. Nobody is 100% good or 100% bad. If your bf. has traits which are undisclosed and will cause you problems later when they come to light, you have to be wary about. You may have to observe him for a longer period. Once he gets through your tests, you can double your friendship with him. Sharing bills is only one facet of a diamond. How about other facets?
• United States
22 Feb 07
believe me it's really not anymore. free is the last thing it is. they've taken away a lot of our rights and are pushing to take away more. the some US residents have morales and religious views. which my family has. no he's not 100% bad. he has some good traits and a few bad ones but so does everyone else. we've been together nearly 2 years.
@cjthedog64 (1552)
• United States
17 Feb 07
No, I've never hidden anyone. I don't understand that. Even if my family doesn't approve, I am an adult and capable of making my own decisions. It can be nice to have someone looking out for you, but they also have to let you make decisions, even if they might turn out to be bad ones. One thing to remember is that you should keep an open ear to your family though. They do love you and might see things that you don't recognize. It doesn't mean that you have to choose one or the other, just keep an open mind.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Feb 07
that's good that you've never hid anyone. i just don't want my family to look down on me since they are all pretty religious. they do have to let me make my own choices and yes i've made bad choices but that's what you learn from. i know they are just trying to look out for me and i do put some of their input into my life. thank you for responding
@lauczi (964)
• Poland
17 Feb 07
well that's not exactly my situation but its alike. i mean i have my special one and he is muslim while im catholic. my family except for my mother is very religious and when they heard i might be TALKING to non-christian they reacted with anger. he lives in other country though, my family lives 150 km from my place, so only when i visit them i have to claim that i talk with him occasionaly. the worst thing is that my grandma provides for me and yes i spend her money on visiting him and calling him, but i cant say it becoz she wouldnt ever talk to me. it doeant feel good when i cant show everyone my happiness. worst situation is with him.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Feb 07
my special someone was also muslim and i am christian. i guess that's good that he lives in another country and your family lives a bit farther away. that sounds like a bad situation since your grandma provides for you. i hope she will not find out. good luck. thanks for responding
@rosie_123 (6116)
13 Feb 07
Well I would say you are an adult, and if you want to live with your boyfriend, then you should not be ashamed, and having to hide your life from your family. They may not like him, but if they love you, they will surely accept that you are grown up enough to make your own decisions in life. Of course, you ay split with your boyfriend one day, but then a loving family will help you, and accept you have made a mistake without saying "I told you so". Try and tell them. I am sure it will be better, and less stressful all around.
• United States
13 Feb 07
i think they have now realized that i will make my own choices and my own mistakes. yeah i may split with him someday but i know they will be there for me. it's a bit less stressful but they still put some pressure on me for this. thanks for responding
@milagre (1272)
• Portugal
13 Feb 07
I did already, because it was too soon for my family to meet my companion. It was just a question of time, the end up to meet him, of course. It was not a pleasant situation, but it was the best possible at the time.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Feb 07
it wasnt a pleasant situation for me either. they still don't want him around or anything. mainly because of his age. thanks for responding
13 Feb 07
If you are happy with this chap then why do you have to hide him? I have only ever had to do this when I started seeing a man much older than myself and I didnt want my Mum to know cause he was kinda the same age as her! eventually I did tell her and she was cool about it, the realtionship only lasted 12 months but was great at the time the relationship actually got better cause I wasnt having to live with the pressure of what others would think i just enjoyed it. Sometimes to get what you want in this life you have to put yourself first, to many people get hung up on what others will think. hope this helps.
• United States
13 Feb 07
i'm really happy with him but i was hiding him because he is much older than me and my family doesn't approve. my boyfriend is about the same age as my mom as well. i usually don't care what others think but i didn't want my family to cause any problems. i did tell them and they don't like it but it's not as bad as i thought it would be. thanks for responding.
@jelaichie (475)
• Philippines
13 Feb 07
many times have we done that with me hiding my boyfriend inside my room so my parents won't see or know that he is inside., because im already so fond of having him around and even to be away from him for two days., is already so hard to bear!!!
• United States
13 Feb 07
i wish you luck with your boyfriend and hope you can spend time with him. thanks for responding
• United States
12 Feb 07
I never hid any of my boyfriends from my family. They always knew who I was dating. I was very open about that with them. But my boyfriend hid me from his parents for a while. His father is very judgemental and controling and my boyfriend did not want him to know about who he was seeing. He was afraid his father would be critical. Also, I think the fact that I am 6 years older than he is, he thinks his father would not approve. Well, he was right, his father has never liked me. But I don't care. That is his problem if he cannot accept me. His mother, on the other hand is a lovely caring woman who accepted and liked me right away.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 07
that's good that you never hid a boyfriend from your family. it's much easier if they know. my parents are also very judgemental. they aren't really controlling because they know they can't control me. my grandma and mom doesnt approve because of our age difference either. hey it's your life and your boyfriends father is the one losing out. he's missing his son's life and possibly grandkids if that is to come. thanks for responding
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
my husband and i got married civilly 2 years before our church wedding. our families didn't know about it... we kept it from them not because i am ashamed of him or what but because we just wanted to be married during that time but we don't have enough savings yet for the church wedding. they were not able to find it out because we never stayed in one house. he was here in manila and i was in baguio... husband was the first one who opened up the situation to his family, but this was already after our church wedding. they just accepted it because they know that we are mature enough to make decisions for ourselves.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 07
it's one thing to hide a relationship but it's another by getting married without them knowing it. that's good they accepted you guys after your church wedding. thanks for responding