I nearly died

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All the times i could have died, in chronological order. 1. the time i was born. from what i hear, i was suffocating in my mother's womb. they had to break in and get me. (quick aside~ i saw a cesarean birth for the first time the other day on discovery health whilst at the gym ((yes, i watch women birthing while i work out to help me remember that i could possibly be in more pain)) and it occured to me that the first taste i must have ever tasted was blood. gross.) 2. the time i had meningitis. this was when i was about 2. i could have died or come away with serious physical/mental handicaps. but i'm normal. right? 3. the time i broke my collar bone. i'm not sure if it was before or after the meningitis, though. i also got a blood transfusion. anything could have been in there, but i'm good. 4. the time i nearly choked on a piece of candy. i sat on the bed, gasping for air, and me mum was doing laundry. lucky she looked over and called me deddy over to perform the HEIMLICH MANEUVER. (my dad rulz) 5. the time i came to florida on vacation (7? 8?) and dove into a pool, and didn't know which way was up. (what? i figured it out OBVIOUSLY) 6. the time i told this boy i liked him, and he made a farty noise from his armpit at me. (i almost died of embarrassment. never did that again!) 7. the time i was getting on dueling dragons and i jokingly undid my seat strap, only to realize halfway through the ride that it was STILL UNDONE. that could have ended very badly. and 8. the time i was accosted in the parking lot of a local pub. i think. so, why exactly am i still here? i'd like to think that one day, after a long shift at work, i'll go to call a cab from a payphone (dressed like an angel, for whatever reason...) and have to kick some kid off that was about to finally be connected to a local radio station so he could ask a very important question to barry manilow, and end up consoling him in his time of emotional need by telling him some story about scott baio, and he can end up with the girl of his dreams. oh, it's been done? damn. nevermind.