I lost my girlfriend, but I've learned a few things about depression.

United States
January 13, 2007 1:32am CST
About a month ago, I created a post mentioning the fact that I was afraid I was going to lose my girlfriend. I didn't want to lose her, but she was afraid that my lack of motivation, drive and ambition would jeopardize our future. She didn't want to be stuck with a person who didn't know how to focus, especially when children might become involved, or what not. While my question was on how to gain motivation, I was told how to tell her I love her and that (due to my poor explanation of her concerns) my girlfriend didn't deserve me, and vice versa. I also was advised to consider counseling because I gave the vibe that I suffered from depression. I took the advice on looking into depression. I went online and read a few definitions and what not. Not that I am a hypochondriac, but there were things that sounded like I should consider them. So, I went to a therapist, and today I had my first meeting with her. She spoke to me for the hour and suggested a few things for me. First, she believed I suffered from Dysthimia, which is a chronic mild depression that may or may not be triggered by a life event. More on Dysthimia: People with mild depression can still function, but they suffer from a chronically depressed mood, low self esteem, and mild depression. Because there isn't necessarily an even that triggers it, depression of this type can be the most frustrating for spouses and loved ones. One website I visited trying to explain this post, compares a person with mild depression to a slightly flat basketball. "I look like a basketball. I am round like a basketball, and I can be rolled like a basketball. However, if you want me to bounce, it will take a whole lot of effort. I am not responsive the way I was when I was full of air. i am not any fun to play with anymore." The suggestions given to me were plentiful. One included creating goals, which I already do, but they do help a little. Another suggestion is to visualize myself doing what I want. I imagine myself being a full time realtor, doing full time realtor stuff. Another suggestion? Medication. Finally, the one suggestion that she says is the most effective: exercise. Exercise, she says could put pscho, hypno, and pretty much all therapists out of business. If more people ate healthy and worked out vigorously three or four times a week, the endorphins spike up. One statement she made, and I saw a billboard that said the same thing a few weeks ago. "No one has ever said to themselves 'I wish I hadn't worked out yesterday.'" Also, as a follow up to those who were interested in the last discussion. My girlfriend I broke up on New Years Day. While she maintains she still had to think things over in her head, I believed she mentally removed herself from the relationship. With that said, I broke up with her because I didn't want to wait around anymore waiting for her mood to settle in on whatever she felt was right. I must admit that, although it hurts and I miss her, making a decision relieved a lot of pressure. I want her back, but I won't consider it until the end of the month, to see if things may or may not work out. In the meantime;I will attend a few more sessions of counseling; make sure that I work out consistently, look into meds; and most importantly...exercise. I signed up for a swimming class that starts on Monday, actually, starts on Wednesday as MLK is that weekend. So, to those of you who feel like you might lack motivation. Give a counselor an opportunity. If you feel like nothing really excites you, but there isn't an event that is keeping you down, you might consider talking to a counselor. If you need to buy a home in the san francisco/bay area, consider sending me a message. LOL, just kidding, sorta. Anyway, let's all promise to exercise and kick up the endorphins.
2 people like this
10 responses
@marlaf (93)
• Philippines
13 Jan 07
I'm glad to hear you are somewhat getting over her. I've been through that kind of depression too last year when my boyfriend and I broke up. I felt like I lost my world coz i put him at the center of my life but eventually, God showed me how much He loves me. I lost my first and only boyfriend but He has blessed me with so much friends, I was able to regain my relationship with my family and friends I left [coz my ex-bf was too possessive]. Right now, Im kinda having a hardtime trusting again but I know God has been preparing the right man for me. I know He, too, is working for the right woman for you. Godbless.
• United States
13 Jan 07
Finding trust again is a hard one to work out. Fortunately, I've always had the ability to take each person for who they are. It doesn't really affect me the way it does other people. Hope you get over the trust issues, but more importantly, enjoy being who you are.
• United States
13 Jan 07
Keith, you really sound a bit more upbeat since the discussion regarding losing your girlfriend. I am happy to hear that you are talking to a counselor. I was diagnosed with Dysthimia, due to life hitting me hard when a friend had terminal cancer. Other factors in my life added to the mix. I was put on Lexapro and took it for almost 2 years. I am no longer taking it. My life is a bit hectic, but I would like to see if I can handle it on my own. If I find that things are becoming difficult for me, I will not hesitate to seek help. Huggers to you my friend.
• United States
13 Jan 07
Find out ways to help you get over your depression and try working out. As for your ex-girlfriend, if you want her back then go after what you love most. Life is too short to be sad or depressed. I hope you get better.
• United States
13 Jan 07
Yeah, the therapist told me that I might want to consider the meds, but would completely understand if I chose not to. However, she isn't a psychiatrist, and can't recommend them for me, I have to take her word as being in good faith because she doesn't benefit from me taking them. How did the Lexapro work? I don't know the names, but she mentioned it as a starting point, and weaning off once I get my exercise back in shape. As far as getting my girlfriend back, the best thing I can do to get her back at this time is to put myself in the best position to be myself. If the real Keith is there, adn she cannot appreciate the efforts, then I will find someone else. While I am depressed to lose her, I am well aware that there are other fish in the sea. I don't want other fish, but I can adjust.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Jan 07
Congratulations! You deserve a pat on the back.
• India
14 Jan 07
Keith,I'm proud of your mentaliyy.In the first lines, I cant find any hope.But after reading all,I'm saying Keith,SHE WILL BE YOURS.She cant avoid you easily now.Build up the maximum potential,go to her and with straight open mind, tell all.my prays always with you Keith.
• United States
14 Jan 07
I accept your prayers. Thank you. I will tell her more when I get more into the counselling aspect. The therapist said I could bring her in to one of our sessions eventually. So, I will bring that up to her soon.
• United States
15 Jan 07
She pissed me off today, so I don't know if we will ever talk again. I won't go into details and no one is really at fault, but I am just pretty much done with her right now.
• Sri Lanka
14 Jan 07
When I see posts like this from Americans I sometimes feel how this can exist over there. Our Sri Lanka is a conservative society and is full of gossip and people won't always mind their own business. So even a affair is public knowledge and even if both parties have no problem in breaking up it will be the talk of the town. But I don't think it should be like that over there. To lose a girlfriend you have to own her. You own your car and you keep it because it goes where you steer it. If you find that somedays it gains speed when you step on the brakes and stops when you step on the accelarater, then you will discard it. Even a relationship should not be taken for granted.
• United States
14 Jan 07
People will gossip regardless of the situation. Open society, closed society, etc. This isn't about gossip, and my situation with my girlfriend is more or less background to the overall purpose of this post. I am learning a lot, and hope to implement a lot that I've learned this week and upcoming weeks. I do not consider my girlfriend a possession, but I can still lose her. Maybe it is symantics, but the understanding is there. She's here in my heart, and then when I turn around, she's in my heart, but she isn't there. Does that sound more like what I should have said? It confuses me, but maybe that will solve the symantics issues.
@tapeshnlu (350)
• India
14 Jan 07
loosing your girlfriend is not an achievement but learning something about depression or any other quality of life is achievement in itself. thank ur girlfriend for that
• United States
14 Jan 07
Yes. The purpose of my post was more to think about depression and how it can be looked at. This was less about my girlfriend, than what I learned over the past month.
• Egypt
14 Jan 07
see man don`t miss any girl in this world
• United States
14 Jan 07
I think if you are open to loving someone, and open to allowing them to bring their gifts to a relationship and into your life, you will have no choice to miss them when they are gone. I wouldn't want to date ANYONE who I didn't miss when they were gone.
• India
14 Jan 07
yeah you are rite...exercises often helps you in reducing stress..it ll keep u fit too..
• United States
14 Jan 07
Yes, as a mood elevator I think it works well. It is a great feeling to get a workout in the morning, blood seems to rush through me all day long.
@kathy77 (7488)
• Australia
13 Jan 07
That is great that you did something positive to improve your relationship, so sorry to hear that your girlfriend has broken the relationship off but hopefully you can find someone that will understand you more, and I do believe if you attend some more councelling then that will be great to see how you will feel at the end of the month, good luck.
• United States
14 Jan 07
Thanks. I believe, for her, my ex did the right thing. She had to think about herself, also. I will never know why people cry when they break up with you, or encourage you to break up with them, but I digress. I look forward to the counseling. I almost didn't go because I wasn't feeling down in the dumps anymore. But, it was explained that it isn't always about being down in the dumps.
@gloria777 (1678)
• India
13 Jan 07
Yes, Exercise is a good way to keep away your stress and depression.
• United States
13 Jan 07
I always feel better when I've been working out for a while, so this advice should have been obvious, but it wasn't.
@nanands (122)
• India
13 Jan 07
I did not see your last post on this subject. Apparently you got good advise and you worked on it. In this post you sound positive despite the fact you are passing through a dificult time. Life is much bigger than a few events. As long as you have health very nice things can still hapen to you. Ambition is not everything. Often success comes just because you do things well instead of doing it with an eye on the possible rewards. Take each day as it comes and do well whatever you can do well and dont bother about things which you cant do well even if you tried.
• United States
13 Jan 07
That is true. I can focus on doing things well and with integrity. That is an asset that I have and will work to my advantage. Thanks.