Equality in a relationship***

United States
January 14, 2007 10:17am CST
Is this equality? Man- works 3-4 days a week. The rest of the time he plays video games. Women- Doesnt work. Takes care of child from breakfast to bed time. Is pregnant. Does the bills. Cleans. Cooks. Please share your opinion.
8 people like this
19 responses
@rmuxagirl (7559)
• United States
15 Jan 07
That does not sound like equality. She is doing more work then the guy. He works only 3-4 days a week while she works all day everyday. that's not fair.
2 people like this
• United States
14 Feb 07
thank you. i think i agree with you on this one
1 person likes this
• India
15 Jan 07
this is a question which arises in every womens mind. i dont think this is equality. women should also have a sunday as men have. she works all the day long and still her work is not looked upon. its considered as her duty and men's job is work. i dont know when is his going to end. hopefully soon. aleast one day in a week men should give rest to women by preparing meal, cleaning etc.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Feb 07
agreed. i do agree with you. i am sick of this too.
@Lydia1901 (16353)
• United States
17 Jan 07
It does not look like it is divided equally at all. Sorry to hear that is happening to you. You just got to be strong and take care of your kids.
1 person likes this
• Canada
15 Jan 07
Of course that's not equality, but unfortunately that's the way of the world in many homes, then the men think the woman does nothing. There is no better way to make a man understand what we do than to let him do it. My daughter left her husband home with the kids for a couple of days and he couldn't do it. I figure if a man is going to be so useless I don't need him in my life. I always found it easier after I left my husband as it gave me one less child to take care of. I figured if I was going to do everything around the house anyway, what did I need him for? Turned out I didn't need him at all!
@mansha (6301)
• India
17 Jan 07
I know its unfair and unequal relationship. I am from India and in my country 98% relationships work that way. Its considered odd for a woman to seek husband's help in cooking and cleaning. My hubby loves to help around the house but he has been laughed at and me scolded by my ma in law for letting him do so. Now I am a bad wife and a daughter in law. You can atleast console yourselve for being ideal daughter in law by my country's standards. any way I just wanted to tell you how hard it is to do all the things all the time, but you should put your foot down and refuse to do somethings and ask him for help. Tell him that at this stage of pregnancy you need him to take care of you. Ask your doctor to tell him so, if you find it difficult to bring that up.
@mansha (6301)
• India
17 Jan 07
I was looking for his article on the web at last found it, read through it may be it will help you and all those struggling with the same problem http://www.women24.com/Readers_Digest/Display/ReadersDigest_Article/0,12613,938-940_12114,00.html here's a sample of what it says: As I wash the dishes, my husband paces behind me, irritated. "Have you seen my keys?" he snarls, then huffs and stomps from the room with our dog, Dixie, anxiously at his heels. In the past I would have been right behind Dixie. I would have joined the hunt while trying to soothe my husband with homilies such as, "Don't worry, they'll turn up." But that only made him angrier, and a simple case of missing keys soon would become an angst-ridden drama starring the two of us and one poor, nervous dog. Now, I focus on the wet dishes. I don't turn around. I don't say a word. I'm using a technique I learnt from a dolphin trainer.
• United States
14 Feb 07
I LOVE THIS TRAINING THING!!! thanks for the link. i enjoyed reading it.
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
14 Feb 07
Great article, thanks for sharing. I too am going to put this to some use with my relationship.
@pusiket (1758)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
Men and women have different roles in the society. Maybe being unequal in many terms can be rooted in the Bible where it is written that wife must be submissive to her husband.
• United States
17 Jan 07
oh you are the most ignorant person i have ever known. wow.l
• Canada
14 Feb 07
The Bible may say that the women shoudl be submissive to her husband but it also says that the husband should take care of his wife. That isn't happenning here. By submissive I think the Bible means that the woman should listen to her husband, let him be the head of the household and leave important decisions up to him (which I don't necessarily agree with) but it doesn't mean that the woman should work her a$$ off while he sits and plays video games all the time. She's the head of the household here.
• United States
14 Feb 07
i dont like the idea of being submissive. its my personality and i would not like to change my personality because some book says to do so. is all im sayin.
• United States
14 Jan 07
No it isn't & I got the same deal. My husband works from 4pm to midnight. And plays video games the rest of the time. Me I wake up take care of our son, cook, clean, go to Dallas (1 1/2 hour drive each way) to visit our sick daughter in the hospital. I manage the bills, get up in the middle of the night for our son & Im just shy of 12 weeks pregnant. And then on the weekends when I ask for some help, "but I worked 40 hours a week. It's my time to relax.". Excuse me? So when does my weekend come? Even when I HAD A JOB - I was still the one doing ALL the hosecleaning.
• United States
15 Jan 07
I hate to sound mean, but why are you with him? Why did you choose to have a 3rd baby with him? Is that a picture of your daughter in the NICU? What is your husband's reply when you ask him when your weekend is?
• United States
15 Jan 07
some people are still working out issues in their relaionships.its not safe to judge. im sure she has a very good reason for not having left the man yet. and i know that when her kids are in danger she will realize she needs to leave him. or maybe sooner.
• United States
15 Jan 07
Yes that's a picture of my daughter in the NICU. And I am still with my husband because he might be kinda lazy sometimes, but he isn't like previous boyfriends I've had. I DID have a boyfriend (before I met my husband), he did ALL the housework, cooking, let me stay at home while he went to work. It wasn't that I was lazy - he just didn't like my cooking, cleaning & didn't want ANY guy (not even my dad & brother) to be able to see or talk to me. THIS guy even went to far as to throw chairs & tables at me when he "had a bad day". And I left him. Now my husband might be lazy, but him playing video games is the extent of our problems. Well, relationship problems. But that doesn't mean I love him playing those games (sometimes I wished they'd get scratched up) :)
@sizzle3000 (3038)
• United States
14 Feb 07
I guess this is where I get in hot water. A good relationship or marriage depends on communication. When you started this relationship did you two discuss that he would work and you would take care of the house. When you were just dating did you discuss how you would raise your kids. Communication is good in these cases. I have been married twenty years and we have good communication. I am not afraid to tell him how I feel about anything and the same for him. Marriage is not an equal partnership. some times it will be 60-40 or 20-80. When I worked and my husband worked we both took care of the house and cooked. He works 11-12 hours a day but only works four days. He would cook dinner on the days I had to work and I would cook on days he worked. I did not have a problem giving him his daughter and saying I will see you later I need some me time. He would take her no problem. The other thing is if you don't mind staying home taking care of the home and kids than that is the way it should be. I was never a suzy home maker. I am now and have been for two years and am loving it. My only advice is that if you are not happy with your situation do something to change it. Don't clean. Maybe get a job outside home. Or if you are just not getting any where with him and can't stand it any more leave. There is child support and alimoney if he is the only one working.
• United States
14 Feb 07
thanks for the advixce i agree with you. i am definatly not the type to be tied down at the house and cleaning and crap. i like to be more active and have more of a life.
1 person likes this
@waynet (2650)
14 Feb 07
We have to shave, every day, is the usual blokes defence in these debates, I myself look after the kids, work, and do all the housework, and I have not had time for video games properly for 6 years, at least I can fit my drawing in and a few hours on the computer here and there. So it all depends whoever you are, are you lazy or a busy? I'm busy, my hot and cold wife is lazy!
• United States
14 Feb 07
thats cool. i understand completely where you are comming from.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jan 07
That's not how it should be in a relationship. My husband worked 12 hour shifts, six days a week and still helped out around the house and with the kids. Now because of his epilepsy, the doctors won't let him work. He still today does a lot of cleaning and watching the kids. It should be equal work for both. Being pregnant though should be different. The guy should always make sure the woman is comfortable. They don't know what we deal with being pregnant.
• United States
14 Feb 07
totally. men dont have a clue. they think its all fun and games. and when the contractions come on they dont realize that we need to have quiet and settle down to sit down or lay down. they should help more. men are so stupid sometimes. makes me wonder how they make it in life in general since they are so freaking clueless
@mishang (499)
• Philippines
15 Jan 07
in your case, that isn't really a fair deal, not unless the lady in the situation is comfortable (which i think isn't) with what she is doing. i think that the two of them should have some serious talking.
• United States
15 Jan 07
talking huh? men dont talk. lol. you're crazy.lol..
@mishang (499)
• Philippines
15 Jan 07
well it's a point to point basis, because we are entitled to different perspective. for me, equality is when i'm doing the part that i like and love to do while he also does what he wants and likes to do, then for the stuffs that we don't really want, we then take turns. for now, we decided both to work and since i cannot do the household chores and he doesn't like it either, we have decided to hire a housemaid, or things like that. we always talk things out and in this way, equality is practiced without making any of the part suffer.
• United States
15 Jan 07
yeah
@Anakata2007 (1787)
• Canada
14 Feb 07
What you need to do is write down the number of hours the man works, and the number of hours the woman works. Sounds like he's working 8 hours a day times 4 days at the most is about 32 hours a week, while she is working 7 days a week from lets say 8 am to 8 pm, 12 hours a day times 7 equals 84 hours a week! YIKES! No that is not fair at all.
• India
22 Jan 07
no yar don campare both , do understand and lead the life
• Canada
17 Jan 07
That's Not equality and don't tell me the woman doesn't "work." She WORKS, she just doesn't get paid. Furthermore, she doesn't get time off from her job, the way her husband does. Women do loads of work that few people appreciate because they don't get paid for it!!!
@opinder (421)
• India
17 Jan 07
I guess at times women pamper the husbands too much during initial months or years of a marriage or relationship. Why not let them do their work on their own? Wives ought to sterner as they manage the house.....lay out some basic rules. divide work...try using various means to get your work done.
• India
17 Jan 07
well i think you are generalising it a bit here. by no means do i intend to say that taking care of a child or a household is a walk in the park but even men go through a lot of tough times at work and we also help around with the household stuff once we get back from our work... i think it differs from a person to another.
@katyzzz (2902)
• Australia
17 Jan 07
You can't have true equality, you just have to work out something fair
@starpawan (176)
• India
15 Jan 07
See this depends upon how WIFE and HUSBAND understand and trust each other. After all they live and celebrate together. I think both are correct in their places. Well i am still single and unmarried. So i dont know much.