Should I adopt her?

United States
January 14, 2007 1:13pm CST
My sister is 18 and had a kid at 16. She still is very immature and even with having a child she refuses to grow up. Now she has decided to go to the army. She told my mom that mom would either have to adopt the baby or she was going to give the baby up for adoption... After having the child for 2 years i am very disturbed that someone could do this. So my wifey and I have been considering the thought of adopting her for a couple months now. Im almost 22 and not sure how this will affect life later on when my sister grows up. What happens if she wants the baby back? i know by law once the i have legally adopted theres nothing she can do but what kind of problems will it cause. what would you do?
6 people like this
48 responses
• United States
15 Jan 07
Sixteen years ago my sister decided she did not want her baby boy, by this time we were all attached to him. I and my husband decided to adopt him. When he was 13 we told him who his real birth mother was and he has gone to visit her a few times since then. He is now 16 and will tell you that I am his real mother and his birth mother just brought us together. I would do it all over again. There has never been any regrets and my sister never once came to take him back. When she got older she realised that if she were to try anything like that she would probably lose him forever. I have not had any problems and even if I had it would of never changed anything. Every child deserves to be loved and to have a great home.
4 people like this
@ilse72 (1453)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I would adopt her! I wanted so badly to adopt my niece's baby but she didn't think she could stand having her "in the family" where she would be reminded of her all the time so she placed her for adoption. I finally did adopt though and I have never regretted it. You already love the little girl and, after two years, your family is attached to her. It would be hard to know that you will never see her again. If you are willing to adopt her, please do. She will bring you so much joy and you will never regret it. Once the adoption is final, there isn't anyway the mother would get her back. If your sister is willing to give her up now...after raising her for 2 years, I think chances are slim she will want her back. It sounds like she has never bonded with her baby. Being honest, you can't worry about what the future will bring...no one really knows. You just have to decide if you are willing to take the chance and willing to trust that it will all work out. It won't be an easy decision but only your wife and you can make it. Good luck!
3 people like this
@muralimn (535)
• United Arab Emirates
15 Jan 07
yes you should adopt the baby. the baby has been loved and card till now and suddenly she goes out of the homely atmosphere. you and your wife both love her so you should adopt her. i feel you should do all the legal formalities so that the baby is legally yours because later when u get more attached to the baby and then your sister comes back for her baby then it would be a difficult situation. i hope that you and your wife can love the baby more than the mother herself who is ready to give her baby for adoption outside. so, adopt the baby and you and really doing a good job. God will always bless for whatever you did. May you all have a happy life together.
2 people like this
@mr_ilham (1611)
• Indonesia
15 Jan 07
yup if you god human we must help each other for beter world for the beter future love somebody make a reason wish and pray to the God thank you see you
@itsjustmeb (1212)
• Canada
15 Jan 07
If you can manage, I would adopt the child. That way the child can stay within the family. My mom's sister did the exact same thing, not go into the army but give a child up after two years of having the baby. My grandparents got fed up looking after the infant after her not settling down, and they told her to be a mom or give the kid up and she gave the kid up, that was over 50 some odd years ago...
2 people like this
@akumei1269 (1750)
• India
15 Jan 07
Yes this is a real dilemma . Adoption between close relatives may raise some future problem as you envisage . More so in such a case where the mother is having full knowledge of the child . More probable a future problem is because of the volatile nature of your sister . I think you should look after the child for the time being or adopt with legal sanction . But in either case you should be ready to return it back to sister again with legal procedure .This might be sacrifice in favour of your sister.
1 person likes this
@asfi123 (955)
• India
15 Jan 07
yes i think you should adopt her i dont know what kinda mother she is
1 person likes this
@sahergul (774)
• Pakistan
15 Jan 07
well, what kinda mom she is... i wonder... i've no idea about it...
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Feb 07
I would definitely consider it, but only by going through all the legal channels. A 2 year old is very attached to the people they love and if you have the ability to care for her and give her all she needs, then yes, do it.
@katyzzz (2902)
• Australia
16 Jan 07
adopt her, she is part of your family. Little sister should learn a lot in the army
@emarie (5451)
• United States
15 Jan 07
i would. my uncle is actually a cousin to me. my grandmother decided to adopt him from a family member who couldn't take care of him. i don't thin you should be worried about the future. just when the child is old enough to understand, explain to her that you are not her real parents. as long as the child is loved and taken care of, it should be fine to adopt them. i'd rather the child stay with family then some stranger. at least they'll know where they come from.
• India
15 Jan 07
yeah definitely you shud adopt her..
15 Jan 07
I say adopt her. You guys want a baby, but dont want to wait, there it is for you and you don't have to stay with the crappy first years. It's also probably best for the child if she has an irresponsible mother. I may onyl be 16, but I know simple morals.
• Romania
15 Jan 07
talk with your wife and think with your head what is best for the baby. put him before your filings/
@thejoot (70)
15 Jan 07
That's a messed up situation and I feel sorry for the kid. You seem right for the job, adopt ASAP in my opinion
@mikaghi (388)
• United States
15 Jan 07
i suggest that u need to think deeply before making any decision. ur sister might ask her baby back after soem years or she might not care about him/her. but u have to be prepared for both.
@Sarah1977 (495)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Wow....I really cannot even fathom just being able to give your child away after raising him/her for 2 years. That is probably one of the most cold-hearted and selfish things I have ever heard. Anyways, I really hope and pray that you and your wife decide to adopt the baby. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I see that you already care treamendously for this child, and you are just the uncle. Imagine how much more you will care for this baby once you are legally his/her father? Don't worry about your sister...she will have to deal with the consequences of her OWN actions. It is not your problem how it may affect her in the future. In my opinion, the only future that you need to be concerned with is that of your niece/nephew. You have a chance to do something really wonderful here, and I sincerely hope that you do the right thing. God bless you and your wife!
@Stijn1234 (266)
• Belgium
15 Jan 07
wow, that's a very hard issue actually. You should follow your heart on this one I guess...
@cjsmom (1423)
• United States
15 Jan 07
This is the third time, within 10 mins. that I've tried to respond to your discussion. I hope it takes this time. I'm so sorry that your family is having to go through this. I know you love your sister and want only the best for her. I really feel that the army is a good thing for her right now; she is young and confused right now. It's suppose to make men/women out of you. I do feel that she will grow up very soon and want to be a real mother to her child. You have a very tough decision to make. If you haven't done so already, try to sit down with her and tell her how much you love her and her child. That you will help them in any way you can. Instead of doing an adoption of any sort at this time, ask her if you can just care for the child until she's ready and I really believe that it won't be long until that day comes. Once you adopt the child and she decides she's ready, there's going to be really hard feelings. I know you all don't want that. Feel free to add me as an friend if you'd like. I'll keep you all in my prayers.
@shambuca (2560)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I think you should adopt her- but make sure this is what you want- unlike some answers above you cannot returt he child or change your mind you would be messing with the kids head and that is not fair. Sit down and talk to all family members involved (the mom, other siblings, and grandparents) put it out in the open and listen to what they say - don't get offended or annoyed with them- if you decide to do this you want to let everyone get their feeling out in the open. My husbands cousin adopted her older sister's son and things worked out great the whole family was behind it because they wanted to keep him close to the family and did not want to have a stranger raise him, he turned out great by the way.