What do you think?

Australia
January 15, 2007 10:33pm CST
My hubby and i want to start a family and have talked about it for a long time. Just before Christmas we came to an agreement that this year we would try. Now he has decided that he is not yet ready and wants another year. Do you think its wrong if i dont take the pill? I have told him that im not taking it after feb. He thinks im joking and laughs about it. I believe that when it is the right time for each person they will be blessed with a child. I must say again that we both want children!! We are not getting any younger and i know that there could be some problems the older i get. Does it seem wrong to stop taking the pill when hubby wnats another year, and i have told him already but he thinks im joking. No one or two word answers please. Please give details to your opinion and responses will be rated acordingly. Thanks heaps
10 people like this
57 responses
@Brentsky (164)
• United States
16 Jan 07
That definitely would be wrong. I mean, sure you want to start your family but you should respect the fact that he isn't ready. I've actually known somebody who did what you said, and she got pregnant. When the husband found out, he was so angry that they got a divorce, even with a baby on the way. So my advice would be to just wait for him to be as ready as you are. Instead of contemplating "should I skip the pill" you should be thinking "how do I get him as excited to start a family as I am." Well thats my opinion, hope it helped! :)
5 people like this
• Australia
16 Jan 07
Thanks, i usually do think how? but lately i got so upset that he changed his mind! I know that when we have kids he will be happy about it, i just think he scared of being a dad.
2 people like this
@lizabeth (666)
• United States
16 Jan 07
You didn't mention how long you have been married so I am wondering if you have been waiting a long time for a baby? I think you should wait until he is ready. If not it could cause problems between the two of you. On the other hand, if you stop taking the pill and you are honest with him you aren't deceiving him. But I don't think it would be right to stop taking the pill and not let him know to get pregnant. I would really think about this before I do it because you don't want it to cause a rift between you and your husband. Having a baby should be a joyous occasion for both you and your spouse. I wish you the best!
• Australia
16 Jan 07
We havent been married long (Oct last year) but we finally got married after knowing each other for nearly 17 years! Thanks for your thoughts
2 people like this
• United States
16 Jan 07
It is wrong. He should know what you are and aren't doing. I think you should talk to him more and discover WHY he has suddenly changed his mind. Maybe it's just regular old fears that he'll get over once you two have a nice long talk.
4 people like this
• United States
16 Jan 07
You've only been married for 4 months and he's asking you to wait one year before you start having children. Have you had discussions regarding your financial situation as well as his career goals? If he wants to wait a year, even though he does want children, then there has to be a good reason for it. It would be wrong of you to simply get pregnant behind his back. Dishonesty is always wrong. And yes, technically you've told him, be he thought you were joking and that you were going to respect his wishes. First and foremost, you should have another serious conversation. If you aren't communicating well enough to get your points across to one another then I suggest going to a counselor to try to mediate. And how long have you actually been in a serious, commited, let's-get-married relationship with your husband? Saying you've "known" him for seventeen years doesn't really mean much.
3 people like this
• Australia
16 Jan 07
alomst four years we been together in a serious relationship. Money isnt an issue. We are very comfortable and have our own business that is very successful, we dont want for anything financially. Thank you for you comments and different point of view
2 people like this
• India
16 Jan 07
kylie.. i d say u talk to him.. tell him and make him feel how much u want a child..he would understand..give ear to his opinions and problems..then try to talk it out..
• Philippines
16 Jan 07
i think maybe you should first find out and consider the reason why your husband thinks that he's not yet ready to have a baby. is it because he's not yet emotionally prepared to be a father or maybe he's not sure he's already financially stable to support a family? once you find out his concern, then you can work from there and try to address his concern.maybe after assuring him of his doubts and concerns, he will be ready and welcome the idea of having a baby again. At the same time, you should also have a serious talk with him about YOUR concern or desire to have a baby. you have to make it clear to him that you are not joking. maybe after addressing both of your concerns, then you can come up with a good compromise. hope my opinion makes sense and helps.
3 people like this
@kawillow74 (1417)
• United States
16 Jan 07
This is a rough one I won't stop taking the pill without him really understanding that you are stopping. And maybe you two can meet in the middle and plan to get pregant the middle of this year and the child would be born next year. Let him know you really had your heart set and sometime when you have taking the pill for a long time it takes some time to get pregant. Good luck.
@Sawsen (794)
• United States
16 Jan 07
I honestly don't think it's wrong, especially since you told him and he's not taking you seriously. When you commit to a relationship, you commit to fulfilling one another's needs. I think that he is doing you a disservice by dragging you for the long haul without taking your feelings into consideration. He may be afraid of the commitment it takes to be a father, but I think that once he holds that baby in his arms, all of those fears will dissapear. I think maybe what you need to do is to sit down and talk to him about it. Explain to him how much this means to you, and how important it is for him to understand your feelings, and to want to share in your dreams. Like you said, you're both not getting younger, and the older you get, the more this will eat you until you finally accomplish your goals.
3 people like this
• China
16 Jan 07
stop taking the pills,and make sure you have a means of making money to take care of your child when she comes.be prepared to face the consequences,but if your hubby really loves you he will accept you when you are pregnant.
2 people like this
@msqtech (15075)
• United States
16 Jan 07
I think we are forgetting love when we want to force something on our spouse. Where is the if really loves you from the one who wants to quit the pill or other contraception?
1 person likes this
@Aussies2007 (5339)
• Australia
16 Jan 07
I think it would be very wrong for you to have a child without its consent. Because he is the one who will have to support the child for the next 20 years. Not only that... but if he is cranky with you for having the child without his consent... just by the fact that you had his child... you are now entitle to take half of everything he has if you decide to leave him. That is where the law really sucks.
2 people like this
• Australia
22 Jan 07
We have both agreed to have children just not sure when. As for supporting the child for the next 20 years, we own a business together and i do my part in running it and would still be able to when i have children as its from home. If the relationship broke down for whatever reason we are both already entitled to half as we have been together for a long time. There is nothing wrong with the law. if you work towards the same goals equally, why cant you be entitled to half?
• Singapore
17 Jan 07
Ok first of all, sit him down and talk to him. Maybe (depending on how long you have been married) he is scared, perhaps he thinks he cant support another child, perhaps he thinks that your relationship at the moment is so great he doesn want to mess it up. Sit him down and talk to him about. Tell him that your serious about stopping the pill after febuary and if he objects or does or says anything then perhaps you need to see a proffessional. A babie is not just something you can add to your life, it takes time and effort and money. Perhaps your husband is thinking about the more negative points of the baby rather than the positives. good luck hope i have helped
2 people like this
• United States
17 Jan 07
My question to you would be, how would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot? Put yourself in his position. If he thinks your kidding then maybe it is time for another discussion to let him know that you are serious. If he truly wants to have children too then he should be willing to participate fully.
2 people like this
@katty0004 (386)
• United States
17 Jan 07
His not ,then his not ready maybe thinking about bring a baby in to marriage is not what he wants right now .I wouldn't stop the pills ,but if you have then it may mess things up for , Maybe there is a reason he doesn't a baby right now ask him why not and see what going on with him .
2 people like this
• United States
16 Jan 07
Yes, not taking the pill would be wrong. You are decieving your hubby. Maybe your hubby might be scared on having a baby. I really think you should sit down with him and ask him why he changed his mind? If you find out the problem and both can work together to find a solution, and then have a baby:)
2 people like this
• United States
16 Jan 07
Oh Kylie, I know how you feel. We've been there too. I guess most of the guy thinks that they're not ready yet. But like you said, you're not getting any younger. The older you get, you are likely to have problems or complications during pregnancy. We have a friend and she was 37 years old when she has her first baby. She has a hard time during pregnancy. Her baby has a kidney problem. He just have his "kidney" removed at 8 months old. So, why wait if you can have it now?
2 people like this
@vanities (11409)
• Davao, Philippines
16 Jan 07
you must tell him seriously that your not taking your pills anymore and be more convincing on that note...if he wants another year then you must respect his wishes...in a relationships one must respect one another to make it more stronger...
@Adversa (408)
• Australia
17 Jan 07
Hi Kylie, You as a mummy! I can see it. You will be a great mum. I think hubby may be a little scares. A child changes thinbgs and I think he might be scared of something changing the relationship that you share. As you said you have been waiting a long time to get to this point. Your still going to be you in a year and he is still going to be him. Depending on how strongly you feel on it why not just give your hubby and yourself a few more months to enjoy your new marrage, and then re-discuss it then. Remember though that the pill is not foolproof. I myself was conceived while my mother was taking it. As are several of my friends (to be honest I think a batch of pilss went bad in 1984 cos they all seem to be isolated to that period of time). so If you decide to wait you may be blessed anyway. Good Luck Kylie, You'll be a great mum when you get the chance.
1 person likes this
• Australia
18 Jan 07
Thanks Adversa, your right we still are and will be same people i guess i just want us to have the full package! ill let ya know what happens.
@bethed (278)
• United States
16 Jan 07
In my opinion it is very wrong.The decesion if to have children and when to have children needs to be made by both people. To take the choice out of it makes it more lie entrapment.Okay take the baby out of the equation and say it becomes a material object.Let's say it is a car.Now around christmas your husband and you make the choice to purchase a car and then after christmas he decides that the money situation is too tight and that ya'll need to wait another year to save some extra money.He still wants the car and you still want the car but he want a little extra time and you dont'.So you drive down to the local car lot and pick you up a new car and drive home. Do you think he would be mad!!! Yes because you did not respect his choice or his right to make a decesion.Even if you give him a time that is right for you like feb. it still may not be right for him.Then you make him leave with a choice that YOU made.
• Australia
22 Jan 07
So then im supposed to live with a decision he made? I guess that its a tough situation and there is no right or wrong answer. Thanks for your point of view
• India
16 Jan 07
i know that the christmas is the festival of the poor and people suffer from the sin the greatest king has come to this world that the days is called christmas
1 person likes this
• Australia
22 Jan 07
this has nothing to do with the question. You have been rated negatively
@weemam (13377)
29 Jan 07
I was married at 18 had my forst boy at 21 second at 23 and 3rd lola t 38 love them all to bits now a grandmother of 4 xx
1 person likes this