Is money putting stress on your relationship?

Car Ride - Riding in the car
@hcromer (2711)
United States
January 16, 2007 7:26pm CST
I try not to put too much emphasis on money in my life, but I really cannot seem to help it. My boyfriend doesn't even have a job and I am busting my butt every day trying to make ends meet for us. Right now I could cut the tension between us with a knife. If you had to rank the top 3 most important things in your life, would money come before your relationship? Do you feel like your relationships are taking a beating because of money?
14 people like this
122 responses
@jenbatres (800)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I did read your question and I am going to give you advise instead. If he is not even looking for work or has never worked dump him if you don't want to continue to live this life. If takes to incomes for people to survive today -- he needs to do his part. You should not have to support him, send him hom to mommy. Money is not a problem in my relationship, as my man works and so do I.
3 people like this
@vivasuzi (4127)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I agree! The problem isn't the money, it's the lazy boyfriend. Tell him to get a job and get his own money. I wouldn't put up with that.
2 people like this
@hcromer (2711)
• United States
17 Jan 07
What is really bad is we are so hard up on money right now that we are already living with his mother. I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world and I do not even want to think of leaving him as an option. However, I do appreciate your advice.
2 people like this
@nelltx (277)
• United States
17 Jan 07
You need to make sure that is how you want to live the rest of your life. Because I guarantee that he will be the same way 5-10 years from now, and so will you. You need to figure out what makes you happy in life, if he isn't in that vision, cut him loose now before it is to late & you are in a marriage that is all one sided. Trust me, been there, done that, got the divorce papers to prove it!
@maumbi (2571)
• Indonesia
17 Jan 07
money is important but the number one is "beautiful relathionship" both of u. thanks god i see another love story in this world. so money? is hard to say, coz most people shame to say if they need mone never HONEST.for me yup money is important not only for us BUT most important is FOR our kids if getting married. so suport your boyfriend to kep search a great job and income dont leave him a lone he need u.good luck my friend.
@hcromer (2711)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Thank you. I think that we do have beautiful relationship with the exception of the whole money thing. I just wish I could bring myself to put my greed aside and become more low-maintenance.
2 people like this
@vivasuzi (4127)
• United States
17 Jan 07
It's not greed if you have no place to live! There are certain minimum requirements as far as money goes - you need to make enough as a couple to support yourself. Although I know you say you love him so much, if he loved you too he would do his part to earn money and help you save money so you wouldn't have to live with his mom.
1 person likes this
@kidsrock (64)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Income plays a big part in a relationship. If ya'll are broke and he is not doing anything about it I don't see why you would continue in a relationship where you are struggling to support him. My husband and I are financially sound so money does not tear us apart. However it took us several years to become this way and a lot of hard work.
2 people like this
@hcromer (2711)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I feel like I have a major greed issue. I mean, money is a very important thing to me, just because I very rarely have any extra to spend.
1 person likes this
@sechsey (1836)
• Canada
17 Jan 07
i know how u feel. I was thinking the same thing when i started to worry about money like that.
1 person likes this
@totnakish (141)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
Hi, hcromer! Maybe you should find a right guy for you who has a job, look at yourself your so pretty, if you go here to our country you can land a modelling job or be an artist here. Money is very essential when you two became married, got to feed the baby, diapers, pay for the bills. Find a rich guy, but he should have a nice attitude also towards people.
2 people like this
@hcromer (2711)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Thank you very much, I am flattered. I love my boyfriend very much and I don't see myself ever finding a nice, rich guy. I have thought that I had it before, and it never seems to work out.
2 people like this
@yorgaki (678)
• Romania
17 Jan 07
another idiot poster. Such persons just MIGHT become someday very rich (by accident) but they will be very embarassed because they even won't know what to do and how to act being there. They thought that the wealth solve al their problems - buit that is not true. It takes to be a genius to live without money, there is need just an idiot to live when having a lot of money. Their idiot preaching is just this one "sell your body as is sold the cow meat in the stores" and be "happy". What a silly !!! Could everybody be "happy" when selling his own soul or body ?? To be happy is to give yourself not to sell yourself.
1 person likes this
@fujin1985 (684)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
money shouldn't be the center of your relationship, nor let money dominate over relationship, though money-matter problems are inevitable. try helping each other by advising him over the importance of having a living.
2 people like this
@hcromer (2711)
• United States
21 Jan 07
Thank you, I try to keep the focus of the relationship off of the money, it's just hard to keep it that way sometimes.
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
there's one point that im not sure i understand.your relationship is bf-gf but you're already supporting him? or does that mean that you're just the one who spend when you go out and the like? whatever the case may be, i would feel the same if i were in your shoes. i have always heard about people saying that money is not everything or money does not buy you happiness. although this may somehow be true, but for me, i would say that money is still very important in a relationship esp if it's going to be a lifetime relationship. one should be practical nowadays and realize that without money, even if you have the most healthy or loving relationship, you will get NOWHERE.
2 people like this
@hcromer (2711)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Thank you.
@sechsey (1836)
• Canada
17 Jan 07
Money is always a problem in a relationship. As a matter of fact, there's a discussion here somewhere which rate money as number one in most marriage or relationship problems. Its unavoidable when money problems start to put a tension on the relationship. Ive been there. But u should talk to ur boyfriend about it. Its good to air out ur worries too rather than keep it to urself and it comes out more into a passive reaction, that'l be more difficult.
@prasad1961 (5602)
• India
17 Jan 07
It is making Un-imaginary stress on my life. Due to this I'm get very sick about living in this world. Earlier I was enjoyed the life like everyone else with much joy and authority. After getting accident I was forced to earn more and more. This is making very awkward situations to me. Due to the tensions only I get bored with my children and life partner. In future I may think very badly also.
1 person likes this
@hcromer (2711)
• United States
17 Jan 07
So are you saying that you have too much money now?
1 person likes this
@yorgaki (678)
• Romania
17 Jan 07
the people that "get bored" are not intelligent, not creative, not happy, not nothing. Hcrome, I saw your photo with your boyfriend in the car, you are a nice couple, you seems very beautiful and intelligent and big heart, too, don't listen to the scums that are here not able to find their hapiness but they are willing to give you bitter advices. They will never could find you another friend as you have now, they want just to poison your heart my dear !!! They are able just to destroy a relationship, not able to build a real one (because that takes years) just to throw their venom in these posts and to be "friendly" with you, and to let you then alone with just your tears in your home ....
1 person likes this
• India
17 Jan 07
Money is not everything in life. Relationship is more important, certainly. But your BF doesn't seem to be valuing the relationship. If he did he would not have allowed you to be under so much of stress. Why is he not able to support himself financially. You are in the best position to answer this question and review your existing relationship.
@hcromer (2711)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I agree that the relationship is more important, but this is really a case of my actions speaking louder than my words. All of our fights stem from one of my rude comments about money. The efforts that he makes to help out with the income issue never feel like enough for me.
1 person likes this
@missyd79 (3438)
• United States
17 Jan 07
my boyfriend and i are constently arguing about money, he says not to worry that we will get the bills to pay but i can't help it because my first marriage ended because of money issues, and it was the same situation you are in now, i was working 15 hours overtime a week to support him my son and i, and then i would also come home and clean the house, cook dinner, and do the laundry while he sat home all day and did nothing.
1 person likes this
@hcromer (2711)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I'm sorry, I hope everything works out for you. I hate to hear from someone who has been in my situation that it did not work out.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Jan 07
I think money has alot to do with relationships not only your spouse but your children. My son is three and since we have been strugling with money my son is taking it preety bad he is acting out and screaming all of the time I think he is seeing me and my husband fight and he dont know how to act. but money on my list is at the bottom to bad it wasnt on the bottom of the bill collectors mind.
1 person likes this
• Nigeria
18 Jan 07
Money has really done a lot in many people relationship for some people it could be the main reason why they are in that relationship so if the guy goes broke they leave him and run away. In my relationship i always make sure that love comes first and then money so that when i know i might go broke i know that someone still cares for me and loves me./
1 person likes this
@sharon613 (2323)
• United States
17 Jan 07
I feel stressed as well as my spouse due to not being able to make ends meet.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jan 07
Im single
1 person likes this
@ansje46 (372)
• Netherlands
17 Jan 07
yes alone money make noth happy
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12836)
• Australia
17 Jan 07
well, i can understand what you mean... i am also working very hard everyday to make ends meet... but fortunately my hubby still have a job and i don't have to struggle by myself... good luck... i hope it will all work out for you...
1 person likes this
@trepxes (50)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
if this happens as early as now, how much more when you get married?
1 person likes this
• India
17 Jan 07
no money really doesnt matter
1 person likes this
@arvijhon (126)
• Philippines
17 Jan 07
In relationship some says money comes first to be practical but for me it's not only the money that matters. Responsible and Love even if your partner don't have jobs but responsible enough to handle situations, I mean he must do his part he can earned money in many ways if he really meant to do it! here in our place even 10-17 year-old can earned money they did not depend on their parents. they go to school and part time job! i hope you consider my opinion...
@patrice7 (1192)
• United States
17 Jan 07
well i thnk that money matters in a relationship. money is a symbol of stability. you said that you are working and your boyfriend does not have a job and as i see it, he is not even helping. your boyfriend now becomes a burden even though yyou dont want to admit it yourself but its true. your boyfriend is becoming a burden to you, why else would you feel like that?. anyway money , in cases like this, can really affect a certain relationship. to find money is a hard job and to work for it and really toil is much worse. and then when you get paid, you spend it for the both of you and you work to have more money for the both of you. and he just sits there and gives you moral support or whatever. anyway i dont thnk that it is just fair that you are the only one working for the both of you. i think that if someone really cares then that someone should help and work for the both of them. there is no sense of togetherness here. see the picture that i can see here is that you are together in moments of happiness like when you have money and you can both spend it for your necessities but when the bad times comes like work and times when you have money, you find yourself alone to battle it to make the happy times happen again. i dont think that it is just right. you might want to tell your boyfriend to help you if you want to be happy in your relationship. this canot go on forever, something must be done. you cannot work for the both of you forever so talk to him now. well goodluck to you!.
1 person likes this