Need some good advice on how to handle my mother.

alcoholic beverage - martini glass containing and alcoholic beverage
United States
January 17, 2007 1:13pm CST
Recently I have gone through some bad times and now at the age of 41 I am forced into living with my mother! I lost everything due to a bad relationship. My mother being the greatist opened her doors to me eventhough she really does not want me around and I understand that. My ex-boyfriend was in my car and we got pulled over and he had drugs on him so he threw them under the seat (I did not know he had or was doing this) needless to say we both got arrested. I have never been in trouble before and I am no longer seeing him. My big problem is my mom is an alcoholic most nights she is gone and I take care of her house and dog etc. I try to do everything to make her happy and not regret me being here. However on Sunday nights she comes home drunk and is very verbally abusive and I am having a hard time with it. I only will be here another month or two but its so difficult. She has even gone as far as to take my keys away from me so I cannot leave when she gets like this. If I do find and escape then I get accused of doing all sorts of things I have never done in my life! Any suggestions on how to handle these drunk tirads?
12 people like this
53 responses
• United States
18 Jan 07
When she gets home, lock your door and pretend to sleep. You can't win arguing to a Drunk or gain anything about it coz in the morning they don't know a thing of what they said the night before. Trust me it will work. In the morning act as though nothing happen and have a good day. Don't let her see you get affected. Good Luck
1 person likes this
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
17 Jan 07
Since there is no changing the habits of your mom, then it is up to you to change how you react to her binge drinking. There is little you can do to make her happy. She might not notice the things you do around the house because of her resistance to you being there. It might be best to not engage her when she is drinking. Keep your keys in a safe place where she cannot take them. As hard as it might be to do, ignore her ranting. You might try leaving the room, if that is possible. I think this is a situation you can not win. Take it a day at a time knowing it is not permanent. Keep in mind that soon you will be living in a less stressful situation. I know some of the pain you have regarding your relationship and your loss. Take care that you do no find yourself in another relationship similar to the last one. If things get to bad, go out to Skyline and have some of their great chili. It will fix any problem.lol
• United States
17 Jan 07
LOL thanks it is an unavoidable situation and I have deleted/erased all the past people that got me into trouble or that were trouble so now I am alone alot more but its all for a good goal she does notice things but its to the point nothing will be good enough so I am trying to hang in for the next few months thanks for your caring words!
• United States
18 Jan 07
Made a couple of sets of those keys too! That would help for when she takes them from you. I use to be a drunk and it didn't matter what anyone said to me when I was sober. I just would get offended and be more pissed at them. What helped was me learning the hard way and finding for my self after depression and a series of accidents that I did not want to live my life like that anymore. Be patient and get out soon! Also, did you ever think that maybe you are there because of her sickness and maybe with you being there something is going to happen to help her pass this. Pray about it and ask Yahweh (GoD) why you are there and ask for his help for you and your Mother. Take care and use Wisdom in this matter. Never fight with a drunk either...they are never wrong! :)
• United States
20 Jan 07
thank you so much for sharing your story it does give and insight. I have been dealing with this my entire life it seems both parents and grandparents I just hate feeling so trapped and belittled but I will get through. I appreciate everyones comments so much and they are helping. :0)
@drumm1n (499)
• India
18 Jan 07
i dont think you are in any position to tell your mom to do wat you like! your invading her space . she is being a good parent by just lettin you live in her house! i see your relationship is not very good and so i think the best way to resolve this would be by talking to her nicely without letting go of your temper!
• United States
23 Jan 07
I dont know where you got the idea that I am arguing or fighting with her as I am not. I just try to go with the flow and not make any waves just to make it easier. I know she does not mean what she says but it still hurts just the same. I don't want to be here either but it was better than the alternative and I am glad she took me in and appreciate all she does.
• United States
18 Jan 07
Acceptance will go a long way here. Accept that your mother may not ever change. Once you can just accept someone for who they are, life is much happier for self.
@nw1911guy (1134)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I agree. Sometimes it's tough but there isn't anything you can except suck it up and drive on.
@ronita34 (3923)
• Canada
17 Jan 07
I am actually currently dealing with this same problem. My mother also took us in almost a year ago. We drive eacother nutz and i want to get back on my feet but it is hard sometimes. I guess the best we can do is bite our tongues until we can do something about it!
• United States
17 Jan 07
yes it is hard and getting worse but i am trying to keep it together!
@vdhill (65)
• United States
20 Jan 07
If you have anywhere else to go, you need to leave. If you can't leave, go to your room when she comes home drunk. If that doesn't work, you'll have to stand up to your mother and tell her to stop disrespecting you. You can't have it both ways. Either you're going to stop allowing her behavior or you'll have to deal with it until you can leave. Understand that your mother has an emotional problem and she wants to lash out at somebody. Unfortunately, you're the closest one around. Speed up your process and leave as soon as possible.
• India
18 Jan 07
do what ever she says you to do...
@coolcatzz (1587)
• Canada
18 Jan 07
You know there really isn't a lot you can do. She is a grown woman and chooses how to live her life. As you said she probably isn't thrilled with having you there because she likes her privacy and doing her own thing. If you were going to be there long term then yes you would have to come up with something but seeing that its only 1 or 2 months I would just buy my time. Just try to stay out of her way and not have any confrontations and at least this will give you motivation to get out and get your own place as soon as possible. Good Luck.
@glummy (193)
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
Try to communicate with her. All relationships become better through communication. If it won't work out, try to seek some help from agencies like non-governmental institutions which provide for free counselling services. :)
@vrkanna (40)
• India
18 Jan 07
oh! if u really want to handle this situation then, no matter wat u need to make ur mom convince her from taking drinks or take her to ny doctor if u can... if this cant be done by u , then u better leave... the place n dont waste ur future jst like that... n make sure that othertime u make a good relationship with others... i meant good peoples, hope u would understood!...
• Pakistan
18 Jan 07
look talk calmly and lovely
@emisle (3823)
• Ireland
18 Jan 07
There's not a lot you can do, but grit your teeth and bare it. Though I'd probably get a lock on my bedroom door and hide in there and hope she would forget I was around.
@rainyang (16)
• China
18 Jan 07
I have to say your mother is so impervious.My mother is quick-tempered. she often called us(family members)bad names,and we just kept silence,when i was young ,i didn't like my mother.she would make me lose face in public,she would badmouth us.After going out,I found my mother was as not bad as we thought.all she did,all she said was for us to have a wonderful future.Mother is great in the mother,I believe it 's true. so try to accept your mother,and think for her!
• India
18 Jan 07
I think mother is the best person in anyone life. So whatever she did forget it and take care of your mother and stay with her only, as this is the time when she needs your care and support as she has always cared for you in her life, so now its your time to show. so take care of your mother.
@gemini13 (333)
• India
18 Jan 07
she is a mother and must b happy that u r back with her and this age for her getting drunk is very bad and a mother and daughter must not b a problem for each other but the only thing i suggest is ...stay calm ....don't argue and how ever u r saying u'll stay for another month only so its not a big deal to compromise for one more month
• India
18 Jan 07
i also want such an advice
• China
18 Jan 07
I like my mother very much,I just hope u can spent more time with ur mother,she is old,maybe she feels loney,so she wants u to live with her
• India
18 Jan 07
i think u have to give ur most of time to her, and try to make her happy,discuss this matter with her,try to enjoy every moment. and tell her that there is nothing in drinking.
@jenbatres (800)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I would avoid her when she is drunk. Go to your room and shut the door, if you don't have a room pretend to sleep until she passes out. It is better to be sleeping then confront her.
@alaguc (61)
• India
18 Jan 07
i have a feeling ur mother deep down is insecure....have u gone into tht before?since youve tried talking to her and its no good...and u understand tht she knos but wont do much to change...ignore the abuse...thay are a bunch of meaningless words....have u tried meditating for instance..try it...it works wonders...