Complaining parents...

@Rumple (301)
South Africa
January 17, 2007 1:26pm CST
Im a full time student studying architecture. Its not a very easy course and im often up till 3 or 4 in the morning doing work. Thats not the problem though. The problem is my father keeps complaining that i dont have a job. Its not easy for me to get a job while doing this course as i dont know when i will be thrown a project or when i am going to be available to work. Im not sure he understands that. I think he assumes that im just lazy but he is never at home to see the work i put into my studies. Is there anyone out there experiencing a similar thing? Advice is welcome too...
6 people like this
43 responses
@Blue1982 (13)
• South Africa
18 Jan 07
I can relate to that. It was really bad casue mydad is really stubborn headed. So I had to call in a "third party" to help me out and explain to him. But my case is a bit different then yours since it involves my health..thts why I couldnt work for a certain time. Some Advice: Thinking you know what the other person is 'assuming' can create even more confusion. I cannot stipulate enough of how important talking is in solving problems and I'm speaking out of personal experience. I still find it hard to go to my parents with a problem because of what happened in the past involving simalar circumstances. But its better now then what it was in the past.
1 person likes this
@Rumple (301)
• South Africa
24 Jan 07
i know about assuming and i try my best not to do it because of the simple fact that my dad does it all the time... Its difficult to talk to him because he has such a short fuse but hopefully i'l be moving out soon. :)
• United States
18 Jan 07
Well, I did experience a similar thing a long time ago. What I did is not wait until I graduated before moving out. I was paying for my own education anyway, getting a place to stay was not that much more money. You are probably going to need a job in order to do this. I understand the problem in getting one, but there is a solution. A friend of mine did what I am going to recommend and he not coincidently ended up with the best starting pay of all his friends after graduation. Find a job in architecture, but at a position lower than architect. Even if you are only sweeping the floors at some firm, it can lead to a very good job when you graduate. My friend wanted to be a civil engineer. He went to work for a company that employed civil engineers and did any kind of work they wanted, no matter how menial. He was loyal, on time, followed orders, and never missed work. When he graduated they were eager to hire him over civil engineers they did not know. Good luck to you.
• India
18 Jan 07
hi rumple dont get frustrated on ur father he is not concerned abt troubling u,but he is thinking abt ur future. ask ur father 2 spend a time with u so that u can convince him abt ur work. iam sure any father in this world doesnt say that i dont have time 2 listen 2 my kids. if u can convince that u r on the right track, iam sure he is also going 2 help u.
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
18 Jan 07
well u can act as ur paqrents say\s to u but try ur best to get any sort of job for ur self
1 person likes this
18 Jan 07
I feel your pain. I'm doing two Art courses along with an English Literature course. All three subjects have A LOT of coursework and i'm currently doing four projects on one of my art courses. It really doesn't leave a lot of time for much else. My parent's are pretty good and understand that i have a lot of pressure on me and i'm very lucky that i get an allowance. Perhaps you could get your Mum to talk to him? Or someone else who knows how much work you are putting in?
1 person likes this
@shywolf (4520)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I am sorry that your father is having a hard time understanding how hard it is for you to take this course and also have time for a job. It is essential that you get a proper education so that you can get a job that will make you happy! ^_^ I mean, at least in your case, I can see where you taking this class is leading you towards a career that you really are interested in. So it sounds to me like you are working very hard indeed. I hope that your father will come to understand this and help you out by at least not bothering you about getting a job until your course is complete! ^_^
1 person likes this
@amanda84 (263)
• Malaysia
18 Jan 07
i do experience the same thing..but my parents are not that pushy. they did ask me why i dun wan to work and study at the same time..i did follow their advice but i look for the most easiest job like clerk. u can find sum part time to do or u just can explain to ur father that u really have no time to work..talk to him..
1 person likes this
• Romania
18 Jan 07
no i don't cpm[line my parents...... but....
1 person likes this
@dawn5679 (266)
• United States
18 Jan 07
Why don't you have your dad help you study or show him the work you are doing? Why not talk to him about it? explain to him that your course is very hard and that you need all the free time you have to study and make sure that if he starts yelling that you remain clam.
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
You have to explain to your father why you cannot take up work while studying. I'm sure he just is not aware of the time you have to spend on your studies and the intricacies of architecture. Perhaps you can show him a sample so that he will appreciate better what you are doing and understand why you cannot work part time till you finish your course.
@junior07 (973)
• India
18 Jan 07
don't think about these things,if u r really working hard then one day ur father also realize that his son is just not a waste.
1 person likes this
@micheller (1365)
• United States
18 Jan 07
Does he pay for your college expenses? if so, tell him that you will get a job but, if you do his money will probably go down the drain because you would probably start to fail the course because it would be to hard on you. Maybe even give it a try and let him see for his self.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
I think you better explain to him your situation. I cannot understand why he forces you wo work when in fact you want to focus on your study.
@Brandi06 (2227)
• United States
18 Jan 07
no i have not sorry
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
tell him if he wants you drop out of school and get a fast food job, then thats what will happen. in order to get a GOOD job, you need an education. I wish i had put more effort into college when i lived with my parents. Now im married with 2 young daughters (2yrs and 7wks) and its so much harder to study and such when they are awake. Maybe you can try and SHOW him the work you have to do and try and make him understand. Have your mom or whoever tell him how hard you work when he's not at home. good luck to you.
1 person likes this
• Melbourne, Florida
18 Jan 07
My brother took architecture also. He said the same thing about his courses, and my parents were also bent that he wouldn't get a job. When he would come home for vacations, he would bring his computer and spend the whole time doing homework, working on projects. I love computers and graphic art, so I was always interested in the projects he was working on, and was very aware of how difficult it was for him. My dad on the other hand, had no clue. Nothing to compare it to. He just couldn't understand why my brother was having such a hard time. Many parents don't understand how complicated this kind of work really is. After all that, my brother finally graduated back in 97, and he has never worked as an architect. He opened several of his own business, and got into modeling, but has never used his architecture degree. I think he just got sick of it because all the pressure my parents put on him.
1 person likes this
@scorpius (1793)
• India
18 Jan 07
well parents rarely have aperfect communication with thier children.i think that the mian problem in your case is communication.i tink that you should sit your father down adn try adn tell him what you do,youur working hours and all that ,make him understand.you can also go to a counsellor with your father.anyway i have given some links below and i hope that it helpls you out.either way your situation is common .we all have experienced it in one way or the other. http://www.unification.net/ws/theme026.htm http://ohioline.osu.edu/flm99/fs04.html http://www.iloveindia.com/parenting/adult-children/index.html
1 person likes this
@glummy (193)
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
I'm a full-time law student. And yes, it's really a pressure on your part. Your course, aside from the fact that you're in college, is not that easy. Better find time to talk with your dad. Patience is the solution. Even if you feel that he still doen not understand, just try to explain things out little by little.
1 person likes this
@gsnarayanan (1705)
• India
18 Jan 07
I presume that your father is facing financial problems. If you can do some part time jobs, better you take up, since your project work is likely to take more time. You have to support your father.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Jan 07
hi there, i know this is quite tough for you, i guess your father doesnt see the effort that you put into your studies... why couldnt just he wait until the time that you graduated and then from there he could finally force you to work^__^ well honey dont worry just do your best with regards to your studies and just keep pursuing your goal and dont get upset, i know patience is a virtue, so just be patient about it ok... and someday your dad might be able to see that this was all for the glory of your family.. cheer up^_^
1 person likes this