Joint Custody

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My ex-husband and I have joint custody of our 3 year old daughter. I would like some advise on how to proceed in the best interest of our daughter. I feel like I am alway being over ruled. We have agreed that each house will do thing, so she can have consistancey. But it seems like every time I want to take her to a new stage or expose her to something else, I am over ruled, this man is still controlling even after the divorce and it is driving me crazy. For example potty training, she tells me that she does not want to wear diapers any more, so we start potty training. My ex decides that potty training is too hard, so she is not ready for it and we should wait until she is 4 or 5 to start. We argue, he refuses and wins, can't do it in one house if we are not doing in the other. When we went to her 3 year check up I asked her doctor is we could stop using the 5 point harness, she is almost 4 feet tall the harness is digging into her neck, I want to use the car seat with a seat belt, which is designed for. Her doctor said yes that is a good idea and my ex was present. I took her to the state police showed them her in her 5 point harness and asked, can I use a seat belt, they said yes it would be safe. My ex calls me yesterday and says the seat belt is too difficult and his convertible seat states that she has to weigh 40 pounds to use the seat belt and we are not doing. How many people of authority do I have get to agree with me before he sees that I am trying to do what is best for her!!!!!! I am going crazy, please help!