How To Get No Through Their Heads

Canada
January 18, 2007 12:45pm CST
Ok, this one isn't on a child getting no through their heads, it's on those relatives that just don't know what no is! A family member of mine is constantly giving my children toys etc that they really don't need, and that they won't even look at. I've been telling this person for ages that I don't want that to happen simply because of the fact that it's more work for me to do, and they don't appreciate anything at all when this happens. Yet, even with my saying NO MORE! it continues to happen. I know that if I don't accept the package and send it back, that this person will be very hurt, which I really don't want to do, but I need some suggestions on driving the meaning of NO into this person's head!
7 people like this
38 responses
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
18 Jan 07
Well if it will hurt their feelings if you send the stuff back and you dont want it. i bet there are a lot of kids somewhere that would like to have the stuff and could use the toys/clothes, why dont you take the package to the nearest salvation army or second hand store and donate them? then everyone is happy. relative feels like they are helping, and you are in turn helping some less fortuniate kid :)
4 people like this
• Canada
18 Jan 07
So true! You are full of brilliant ideas today for sure. Thanks for it all, I will indeed be taking the packages to the less fortunate, and in turn keeping their room that much less cluttered..lol.
3 people like this
• United States
19 Jan 07
I agree there are so many less fortunate children out there, I am sure that they would greatly appreciate the toys and such, is their an orphanage in your area? I know that alot of orphanages do not have adequate toys for all the children, but there are not too many of them now days, more foster homes and such, which would be another thing if you know of a foster family or something you may could give them to them, or to an abuse crisis center, there are so many places that you could donate them to.
2 people like this
• Canada
19 Jan 07
There actually isn't an orphanage, but the Janeway Foundation supports the children's hospital here in Newfoundland and I know that while alot of people support them, they can use all of the help they can get.
1 person likes this
@suzannaz (73)
• Canada
18 Jan 07
I was going to say donate, donate, donate. I know that in our case we get a lot of toys from my MIL that are just not age appropriate for my little guy yet, so the trick for me is to be able to intercept her at the door before she gives him anything that I'm going to have to sneak away the next day :)
3 people like this
• Canada
18 Jan 07
Great idea..lol. The interception is very important for sure. We have PO Boxes here, so the kids stay in the car with someone while I go in. I'll remember to bag it and say it's for me before they get to see that their names are on it.
2 people like this
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
18 Jan 07
OKAY i'm glad i'm not the only one. for xmas my 6 month old daughter recieved = a doll rated for a 3 year old, a barny toothbrush (she has no teeth), a drink box with a straw (she wont even use a bottle little own a sippy cup, why give her a straw?!), and omg clothes up the ying that are just WAY too big and might not fit her by NEXT xmas lol.
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
18 Jan 07
OKAY i'm glad i'm not the only one. for xmas my 6 month old daughter recieved = a doll rated for a 3 year old, a barny toothbrush (she has no teeth), a drink box with a straw (she wont even use a bottle little own a sippy cup, why give her a straw?!), and omg clothes up the ying that are just WAY too big and might not fit her by NEXT xmas lol.
1 person likes this
@nannacroc (4049)
18 Jan 07
I had this problem for a while with a family member. I eventually aske if she'd mind if I sent the toys to the hospital or to a charity shop as my children were not using them. She stopped giving them stuff all the time after that.
3 people like this
• Canada
19 Jan 07
Good idea. I'll have to ask tomorrow :)
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Jan 07
If the NO doesn't get into their heads about toys...give them an option instead. Like say, toys are nice but they got plenty...but we are teaching our kids now to save, so something for their piggy bank or savings bond will be appreciated. This would result in two ways...they will do it or they will stop giving at all because they might think you are too fresh with your idea of a gift instead of toy. Actually, b-days, Christmas, relatives and friends are getting the hint that we have to start doing college fund so my baby is starting her nest egg.
3 people like this
• Canada
18 Jan 07
Fabulous idea! I will indeed try that. Maybe it will work, and I have my fingers crossed indeed!
1 person likes this
@shawnasie (389)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I have a hard time getting the meaning of that word through my husband's mom's and grandparent's heads. It has to do with clothes though. My MIL is always going out shopping when she doesn't have the money to and buying my kids clothes. The way she does it is wrong though. Knowing the kids have certain things that I just got for them, she goes out and buys similar things and tries to get the kids to choose which ones they want. It annoys me so much when she does this. I, however, do not know how to approach her about though because she can snap at any minute. I think she is bipolar sometimes. My husband defends her by saying she didn't know I had just gotten them the same thing, when I had told her a few hours before she went out and bought it. When dealing with this in the past, we were living with her. One day I just blew up about the situation. As a result, we had to find our own place to live, since she said I couldn't stay there anymore. I have learned to be straight forward with people, and if they don't like it then oh well. I feel being honest about your feelings with others is best!
• Canada
18 Jan 07
Oh dear, well it seems that it has been harder for you in your situation for sure. I have been very honest with her and even come right out and said, we appreciate that you are trying to help, BUT the kids have more than enough, and at this point and time they don't even look at half of their toys, and it's just getting to be too much.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jan 07
do what we do, be gratefully for it however if its too much work or unappreciated then regift it and give it away or sell it on eBay! lol
2 people like this
• Canada
19 Jan 07
LOL..love the ebay idea..most of the things they have recieved lately are still in packages out in the shed :)
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jan 07
Send the items to an orphanage or the salvation army. Here's a list of orphanges across the world. http://www.orphanage.org/
2 people like this
• Canada
19 Jan 07
Thanks so much. I will check out that site for sure and tell others about it :)
1 person likes this
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
18 Jan 07
I think this is a common problem..My granddaughter is overwhelmed with toys and goodies. Not from me, but from the two grandmothers. There is a shed half full of outside toys, her own bedroom with a few toys, another bedroom with a wall of shelves filled with toys, a storage unit that has some old toys and the living room half filled with toys. She is almost 4 and has outgrown many toys. However, my daughter is expecting in the summer. So here we go again. It is crazy all this stuff that the kid has. She isn't that spoiled, but with the split families and remarriages and all, the number of relatives doubles. Her parents hardly buy any toys . I think eventually much of it will be given away. I know what you are talking about. You hate to hurt anyone's feelings. I think, the fewer toys, the better. I think that maybe you could tell that family member that you really could use gift certificates instead. That way, maybe you and the child could be making the selection of what to buy. Otherwise, buy a bigger house..lol
2 people like this
• Canada
19 Jan 07
Yes, I definitely don't want to hurt feelings. To hurt her feelings over it would make both of us feel bad and I really do appreciate her wanting to help so much, it's great, but she is helping in the wrong way at this point in time.
1 person likes this
@missyd79 (3438)
• United States
18 Jan 07
well if this person is sending them to you, save them up and then donate the to a children's hospital or a children's home, have your child go along with you to donate them so that they know how it feels to give to the less fortunate. i mean that way you do not hurt your family member by sending them back and you are helping children in need.
2 people like this
• Canada
18 Jan 07
That is a great idea to have your child(ren) participate and have that great feeling as well. Thanks so much. :)
1 person likes this
@bryelee (452)
• United States
18 Jan 07
Just take what they give you and donate it to someone who could use it. Either that or constnatly battle with someone who is ignoring you.
2 people like this
• Canada
19 Jan 07
Thank you :)
1 person likes this
@limosonia1 (1559)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Thats a truly hard one my mom constantly buys my son stuff that he doesn't need or that I have told him he can't have. I tell her to stop but she continues. She states it's her right. I have just learned to accept the little things instead of argueing but if it's truly something that I don't want them to have I take it away when we get home and explain to my son that I had already told him no and that just because he asked somebody else doesn't mean he can have it. It seems to work most of the time
2 people like this
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
18 Jan 07
YOu need to send the package back and let them be hurt. Watching out for someone else's feelings is only worthwhile if they respect your in return, this obviously isn't happening. If you have known this person for ages then there is no excuse for their continuing to ignore your wishes outside of the fact that you really haven't enforced them. If they cannot handle the reality check then all this time you have known them really has meant nothing, and right now it appears that it means very little to them. Send the gifts back, don't justify yourself except to say that you have asked them not to do buy such things and you cannot deal with them ignoring your wishes any longer!
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
19 Jan 07
That is some excellent advide. You are indeed a sagemother.
2 people like this
• Canada
19 Jan 07
Thank you for your response.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jan 07
If you don't want to hurt their feelings then don't send the stuff back.Give it to charity and if that person asked what happened to it just let them know that you kids did'nt need it and you gave it to charity.Sometimes you have to be really mean to people that don't understand the word NO.I have gone through the same thing and I ended up not talking to this relative ever again.
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Jan 07
Oh dear..well that is in all views what I am trying to avoid. I don't have the ability to be really mean to this person about it. They have sensitive feelings and I'd prefer just to bow out gracefully.
@Mommamea (1215)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Tell the person you have started a college fund or savings for the children and they would much rather have the money in the account that is getting spent on all these toys. You could send them a thank you note the next time with a remark as to you are decluttering and the children have been given the option of which toys they most want to keep and you would like to return the items they recieved from them in case there is another child they know of that would need the items. That you would like to hear from them soon cause you will be taking items to be donated soon. Start teaching your kids that when they recieve a new item another one has to be donated or put away in a special place for another time.
• Canada
20 Jan 07
Great idea. New replaces old..hopefully this works :)
• Melbourne, Florida
19 Jan 07
My ex is always buying my daughter things and then considers me less of a parent cause I won't give in to her constant asking for things. I have two children and only one of them is his. It makes it difficult for me cause my daughter gets a lot more than my son does. I wish people would get off this kick of buying stuff for kids constantly. Kids get plenty of stuff for birthdays and christmas, easter, etc. I think children today are extremely spoiled.
1 person likes this
• Canada
19 Jan 07
Cheers to that! Kids today are way too spoiled. They expect so much, and I sure won't be the mom to give in to all of this mumbo jumbo of giving kids everything. How will they ever learn to take care of anything when they have so much? They don't appreciate gifts at all now. It's just something they see as what us as parents are supposed to do. I say HELL NO!
@emarie (5447)
• United States
19 Jan 07
just keep telling them. also, have your children donate the toys to a charity. especially if they don't play with it. let your reletive know that you don't need any more toys and instead of getting toys for your children, they could get something else like clothers, school supplies or maybe you can give them a list of things your child need. tell them if the children get anymore toys you will have to give them away. hopfully that will work.
1 person likes this
• Canada
19 Jan 07
I have honestly wasted so much breath telling them they don't need toys anymore that it really just isnt' worth it. But as for donations etc. I have in mind that alot of the toys are going there.
@mtdewgurl74 (18159)
• United States
19 Jan 07
I have a suggestion it might sound stupid but it is something I would do. Have you thought about selling it on ebay? and then putting the money up for when the boys need something or for a college even. And you can also sell those toys they don't play to. But then again some of the other posters were good to suggest giving them to charity or kids that needed them. And if your kids are invited to a friends birthday party well you'd save money there by using one of the ones this person keeps sending. But you can make good money selling them on ebay
1 person likes this
• Canada
19 Jan 07
I agree that selling them on ebay is a good idea, but I'd definitely take the profits to an organization that could use them. Might even be able to get the Janeway Foundation to let me put their name on the items saying that the money (minus the shipping of course, I definitely can't afford shipping of all of this) would go directly to Janeway on a certain date.
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
Tell her honestly that you really appreciate the gifts she was sending for the kids, but then, they seemed to lack interest in using those stuffs, so if they really wanted to give the children something, then might as well thing of other things except toys. They can send them activity books, children videos, goodies or other stuffs.
1 person likes this
• Canada
19 Jan 07
Thank you for the suggestion. I think I might try this as well. :)
• India
19 Jan 07
if he really wants to give ur children smethig then why not tell him to bring something u want instead.maybe then he will realise that u don't like what he is bringing.
1 person likes this
• Canada
19 Jan 07
It's not that I don't like what this person is bringing at all. They are toys of great quality etc. but I just don't want ANY MORE toys at all.
@jolanda33 (720)
• Netherlands
19 Jan 07
maybe you can give this person the number of their saving account? say they want to save money for someting "big"! if she puts the money on their account is everybody happy!
1 person likes this
• Canada
19 Jan 07
Thanks for the input :)