Does your husband or significant other do any housework?

United States
January 18, 2007 6:51pm CST
I can't seem to get my husband to help me much with any of the chores around the house. I'll ask him why he doesn't help, and he says he works all day, week, etc. I work also, although I only work a 32-36 hr. week. But I also have kids to take back and forth to school. How do I get him to start helping out a little?
15 people like this
123 responses
@aprilten (1966)
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
yes, he does. you can try asking him in a sweet way . Or you can probably assign him a task that he should do and remind him of it if it needs to be done. Say, take out the trash everyday. Perhaps, you can say to him "Darling (or whatever terms of endearment you use), please take out the trash. thanks, i love you!", then kiss and hug him tightly. Please let us know if it worked.
5 people like this
@jojopuff (520)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Maybe suggest to him that you would like to do some of these things together. My husband and I always do the dishes together. One of us washes while the other dries them and puts them away. We also help each other with the laundry. Sometimes I will do these things on my own because I stay home all day, but most of the time we do them together. It makes doing them more enjoyable and it helps us spend more time with each other. Hope that helped!
5 people like this
@mom2boys (334)
• United States
19 Jan 07
i stay at home with my boys, but when i did work while i was pregnant with my 2nd child he would help, but now i do most so he doesnt have to worry about it, i feel like when you both work and have kids each should do their own fair share. Maybe you can try telling him you need some help. Or start letting things go, i know gross huh, but maybe if you let the laundry pile up or the dishes he would see you need some help! its hard being a working mother and keeping up the house and kids. i feel for you!
4 people like this
• United States
19 Jan 07
When I didn't work it didn't bother me to do all the housework. I went a whole month and didn't fold his clothes, I would just throw them in a laundry basket after I washed them. After a month, I couldn't take looking at the heap of clothes and folded them. I asked him why he didn't fold them, he said it didn't matter if they were folded as long as they were clean. LOL that one backfired on me.
3 people like this
@muse02 (213)
• United States
19 Jan 07
My husband is the same way! I wish he would help. I mean, I take care of our three kids, cook, and clean.
4 people like this
• United States
19 Jan 07
Have you ever asked him to help or talked to him about needing help? I think men don't realize that you want help or need help and they are afraid of doing something wrong. Best of luck
2 people like this
@patgalca (15560)
• Orangeville, Ontario
19 Jan 07
I have a chronic illness so my husband stepped up to the plate from day one. I am better than I was when I first got ill but I am still ill. Because of that he feels I should be able to do everything. I do what I can. He vacuums and washes the floors. I can't do that. He washes the dishes more often than I do and after dinner we do them together. Once in awhile he will make brunch. He also goes on cleaning binges, especially when it is not golf season and he is bored (LOL!). I don't cook every night but I do the best I can. I am the only one who does the laundry and cleans the bathrooms and does the grocery shopping. Occasionally he'll come grocery shopping with me if he is home and has nothing better to do. We work together as a team.
3 people like this
• Canada
19 Jan 07
Yes, my husband does share the household tasks with me... let's see, he does dishes, makes beds (if they aren't already done), vacuums, does most of the errands (as long as he has a list to shop from lol)... and I do all these too. Basically, we work off each other so that if one is doing one thing, the other finds something else that needs to be taken care of. He doesn't do laundry, though... I like to do that myself because I prefer that everything stays its original color ;) I also do the cooking because he's tried and, bless his heart, he's just not very good at it. I really think the only way to get your husband to help is to just tell him straight out that you need help and what you specifically need him to do (you know, something like "OK, I have to go do a load of laundry so can you take the trash out while I'm doing that?"). My husband tells me all the time that men just don't "get" subtlety. He says, "If you want me to do something, just tell me what it is ... because I can't read your mind." Whether or not they "should" know what to do, it's better just to verbalize it ;)
2 people like this
@globell45 (143)
• United States
29 Jan 07
Start leaving little things for him to do. Things that will irritate him when they aren't done. And if he comments, then tell him, you just don't have time andif he wants them done, do it himself. I have to tell you I have the best husband in the world. He takes turns cooking with me, espsecially if I am having a bad day (we are both disabled), and he does quite a bit ofhelping with the housework. He never asks me to do something he isn't will to help with. Like I said he is the very best husband in the whole world.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 07
That is great that you both take care of each other.
@chertsy (3804)
• United States
27 Jan 07
My husband works really hard and sometimes long hours. Then when he's off, he does the cooking. I don't want him doing anything else around the house. He tends to screw things up. When I was sick once, he took over. He some how managed to bleach one of his shirts out of a load without using bleach. So he's banned from doing laundry. He thinks he knows how to clean. When I clean I want my house to smell clean, not just look like it. Would be nice to see him do things with the kids without me tagging along. Men need to realise us moms do need breaks sometimes. What you can do is talk to him. Explain to him that you do need his help. If he keeps going on that he has a job already and that since your home, then it's your job. Go on strike. Clean what is your's and your child's. Clothes, dishes, etc. When you cook, fix yours and your child's plates, put the rest in the fridge. Show him that without you, he would be nothing. My mom has been married 36 yrs and my dad relies on my mom so much it's not even funny. She had major surgery after Thanksgiving, and he thought my mom could get up out of the hospital bed to get his meds for him. We spoil our men, it's time we knock them off there feet for a bit. Good Luck.
• United States
27 Jan 07
My mom works, and my dad is retired now. He does all the cooking, cleaning, etc. to help her out. I think, that is great. He is also motivated by the fact that my mom is not the best cook around.
• United States
20 Jan 07
My husband only helps when we are having company over and want the house to be super clean. I don't mind though because I don't have a job to go to everyday and I find if I schedule my time the house get fairly clean. However, when I did work a full time job and so was he everything was split 50/50 that is only fair. You need to have a serious sit-down with your husband and let he know that he has a responsibility to the family also. And if your children are school aged they can certainly be given chores everyday. In a working home there can be no idle hands.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jan 07
Mine doesn't even care when company is coming. He just tells me to chill out when I go into a cleaning frenzy to get the house cleaned up.
@limcyjain (3523)
• India
19 Jan 07
I think you need to convince him that taking care of your house is not an easy job. It is a tedious job,especially taking care of children. My husband does take care to clean up all his fuss before he leaves for work. He also takes up responsibility for some subjects to be taught ot children.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 07
We divide the school subjects with the kids also. But he doesn't clean up after himself.
@ronaldinu (12439)
• Malta
19 Jan 07
I do give a helping hand when required. I cannot do it on a regular basis because of my work but yest I do give a helping hand especially on weekends
1 person likes this
@ronita34 (3923)
• Canada
27 Jan 07
That is very nice of you to help out when you can. Something is always better than nothing and with children around any sort of help is always nice to recieve!!!!
• Switzerland
19 Jan 07
I yell at him until he does. My husband needs to be told off to actually do things.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jan 07
I think mine would just get more stubborn about it. He waits me out because he knows I can't stand it.
@korek222 (702)
• Poland
19 Jan 07
Well i dont have a children and a wife but i tihnk (well i hope) i will try to help my future wife as much as i will be able but for example cooking or celaning. Since i will be probably working all they it wont be a lot of time i will be able to spend on cleaning but well - ;)
1 person likes this
@jewel76 (2305)
• Canada
19 Jan 07
Yah right, my husband help around the house? Funny! When we used to live in a small 3 1/2 he'd help out, but now that we're in a big 6 1/2, he doesnt do anything! And he makes even worse for my cleaning by leaving his dirty clothes on the floor, his empty cups of coffee on the living room table, when he cooks (yes he does cook, he's a chef) it's like a hurricane hit our kitchen, and he even dares complain when i remind him to take the garbage out!! The nerve of that man sometimes! But since he does work a full week and i don't, i'm only asking him to pick up his clothes and dishes...which of course, he doesn't do.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jan 07
When my husband and I first got married he was really good about helping pick up after himself. Now that we are five years into the marriage, all that has worn completely off. I guess we are the old married couple now. I am a work at home mom. I get the excuse he has to get up and actually leave the house to go to work. I really don't understand how what I do is any less work.
1 person likes this
@gramaj (451)
• United States
19 Jan 07
I am so sorry that you get no help from him. My hubby does help around the house. It took some training. I think they are programed to believe if they work they are are doing enough. Well for a couple that have children, this is not enough. Now days it takes both to keep up the house,cook,clean,laundry and activities for the kids. This may sound harsh, Stop doin everything! Try to take care of you and the kids. If you wash his laundry, do not put it away. Just leave it in the basket. I know the restroom is a biggie.. For me I want it just as clean when he leaves.. Do not rinse the sink after him if he shaves and leaves a mess. And YES, let the dishes pile up. **Or you could make a list of scheduled chores around the house that you two do on different days. My daughter got hers to help by just saying, Let me know when you wanna help with the dishes,or whatever, and we'll get it done. You have to work together! Myself, I used the first suggestion, it is not as mean as it sounds. Works for the older kids too! Good Luck.
@mauier113 (688)
• Philippines
19 Jan 07
there are men who really dont do housework at all. Maybe they were not trained to. Or sometimes, its for their ego or pride. Doing housework for them is something that lessen their machismo. maybe you could some serious talk between the two of you and tell him your feeling.
1 person likes this
• India
19 Jan 07
Running a family is a collective responsibility, and husbands should be made to realize that. Yes, My husband share all of the household work with me. I believe that everything should be shared equally. I think you suggest your husband that you would like to do some of work together. It makes more enjoyable and we spend more time with together. You can also try to asking him this way "Darling I'm so tired today Please help me to my work".
@kawillow74 (1417)
• United States
19 Jan 07
No my husband does not do housework I am a stay at home mom right now but when I was working he did not help out. He would if I would ask him but I don't because I am here all day so I do it myself I used to get upset but I know he would rather get thing get dirty before cleaning it.
1 person likes this
@ronita34 (3923)
• Canada
27 Jan 07
Try talking to him again! Tell him that you will wash the dishes and he can rinse and dry or stack which ever you prefer! This will also give you two some time to have a good conversation about each others day! Always remember that communication is key!!!!
• United States
27 Jan 07
I was thinking about having him read this discussion, he keeps wanting to know what I'm doing when I'm on here, and what the discussion topic is.