Were you ever in an abusive relationship? How did you get out? What did you do?

Canada
January 19, 2007 3:20pm CST
My friend moved out of her apartment last June after her boyfriend of one year asked her to move into his house. Within a couple of days of giving up her apartment and most of her furniture, he totally changed. He started shoving her, threatened to kick her out (she has no family to go to) and called her names like idiot, loser, pathetic and other names I can't repeat here. She is none of these things! I don't know how to help her and it really hurts to see her like this, she looks so tired these days and her confidence is shot. If she shuts up and abides by his rules, he is less insulting or violent towards her but he still criticizes everything she does, down to the way she uses the rpinter, folds her socks, how she does the dishes or uses the bathroom sink. It's ridiculous! What is worse is she was employed by him (!!!) before she moved in and now he laid her off and then tried to kick her out for having no job! She's looking for work and she has amazing experience for her age but she doesn't look like herself, she starting to think she is the opposite of what she is: an ambitious, intelligent young woman. She's stuck in this guy's house, he threw a banana in her face, pushing her against the wall, and two days ago, threw scissors at her, she's being threatened daily to leave even though he knows she's looking for apartments without a job. Well, she found a place (yay!!!) so things are looking up but she's devastated and doesn't know how she's going to pay for all these expenses. Now she's my best friend, she's bright, educated, but verry depressed and embarrassed and having a rough time convincing people to hire her. Nobody would ever believe this guy did this and he would deny everything anyways. Arghh! What can I do to help her feel better and get her life back on track? Have any of you been in abusive situations like this (women and men)? How did you get out? How did you get your self-esteem back and your life back on track? What can I do to make her feel better? This just seems so unfair and wrong. Thank you for you advice, Hieros
1 response
34momma
@34momma (13882)
• United States
19 Jan 07
The only way to get out, is to GET OUT!!!! it is not easier said then done! open the door and walk out and never look back. people can only do what you allow them to do. no more no less. she may not have family but she has you, why don't take her in for a while. or research shelters for her to go to. help her pack, and get her out of there. there is no such things as no where to go. there is always some where to go,even if that some where is the park. I don't mean to sound harsh, but i just hate to hear these kinds of stories. my mother whent through this kind of hell. i had to see it each and every day as a very little girl. she woke up one day and said, not to day you won't and get us kids and left. mind you we were in germany. she found her way back to the states. if you want to get out you can
Hieros33
@Hieros33 (5)
• Canada
19 Jan 07
thanks 34momma, she is taking steps to get out, just a few more days until she can move into her new place (yay!!!!) it's more the aftermath i'm worried about, that's why i wanted to hear other people's stories about recovering from these situations once they're out! how did they pick up the pieces once they got out of the storm? how long did it take for them to get back on track (find work, feel better, love life again, etc.) I'm so sorry you had to witness abuse during your childhood. That must have been devastating, I'm glad your mom got the courage to take the leap! Some people never get out.