Great New Start

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My husband and I have been married for 3 years now we have been together for 5, we have had our ups and downs, and it all has to do with ex's. We have set values within our children that we expect them to follow as they get older it seems like they have lost track of these values. My step daughters mother is more of a best friend to them than a mother, she allows them to do things that just arent acceptable if my husband and her were still togather it would have never been allowed, I have issues understanding the mentallity she is at with all this it is very confuseing. With my kids it is different there fathers are very much involved in there lives and help me with all issues that occur, there step dad helps as well. How can I help my husband with his 2 girls when the other parent has lost sight of the parent aspect and taken on a best friend mentality? What can I do to help him get threw this without putting the other parent down or getting on to the girls for things that I know have been instilled yet they choose the wrong way.