Men who try to buy a woman's affections. Is it sweet or is it ridiculous?

United States
January 22, 2007 7:16pm CST
You know what I mean. The dudes who go all out, buying a 5,000 dollar engagement ring, or spending 3,500 dollars on Christmas gifts, or buying flowers and chocolate every week, and ESPECIALLY the dudes who buy flowers after a fight, to make up. Most of these guys have to put it on a credit card, because they can't really afford it. Personally, I don't see the point. In my experiences, most women would rather have YOU than your gifts. They would rather spend more time with you than have you spend more money on them, unless they are with you simply because you have money or give a lot of gifts. They would rather feel genuine affection than to be bought off. Why do a lot of guys not get this, then? What gives? It seems rather obvious to me, but I had good teachings, so I guess that got drilled into my head first.
24 people like this
139 responses
@Ariana17 (92)
• United States
23 Jan 07
I don't want my boyfriend to buy me expensive gifts but I would like to get little inexpensive gifts to show he cares. When we first started going out he always gave me little gifts; now I dont get anything. I just wish I could go back to then. I know he still loves me but it would be nice to get something now and again. It always made me feel special even if it was a stupid little toy =)
4 people like this
• United States
23 Jan 07
I agree with the little inexpensive gifts being a good thing. That's part of why I made this post - I think guys try too hard with super expensive gifts, when a little gift can usually mean just as much because it's the thought and effort that counts.
3 people like this
@acosjo (1904)
• Canada
26 Jan 07
It's funny how at the beginning of a relationship it's new and exciting, then it seems to fizle out. The love/fellings are still there but the motivation goes away. I remember when I started dating this girl (before I got married) and I was so motivated at the gym for example (I always worked out anyway). After that relationship ended, I still went to the gym but the motivation wasn't the same. It's funny at the beginning eh? Do you guys think so?
• United States
23 Jan 07
I think that stuff is just silly. I dont need a man to shower me with diamonds and flowers to make me happy. I dont care how little or inexpensive the gift is its the thought and the time that counts. I would much rather my man be there for me everyday and love me unconditionaly then have they have to buy me flower and chocolates to make me happy. Dimonds look very pretty on the outside but they dont heal something that isn't really there.
4 people like this
@MissGia (955)
• United States
23 Jan 07
I agree, i have never been attracted to men who try to buy me things to gain my love and affection. I see nothing wrong with gifts of flowers if they are given at the right moment. Like flowers and candy of valenties day, maybe something when im sick and stayin in bed..but when you overdo gifts and money and so forth...it sort of makes the relationship meaningless
23 Jan 07
I suppose alot of men have difficulty in expressing their true feelings and the way they do is to buy flowers or a gift to say I love you or I'm sorry. I must admit though I have met a few women who are only with their partners because of money and what they can get, which I feel is just as bad. Where I come from our culture tends to encourage us to supress our true feelings and keep a stiff upper lip, so alot of boys are programmed to not show their emotions which will affect them when they are men. I would definately prefer my partner to be there for me rather than just buy me gifts all the time. However, it is nice when he has come home with a small token of his affection out of the blue, as I feel I am in his thoughts even when I am not there!
• Malaysia
23 Jan 07
For me as a man, i'll do anything to my precious girl. So, that are no wonder why some guy buying some very expensive present for his girl.
• United States
23 Jan 07
I'm not a man, but I agree with this point of view...if he has the money, I don't see why not. Call me greedy, but if the guy has the money to do it, I will take the guy AND the gifts. If you are dating a guy who has a decent income, it comes natural, and I don't want anyone saying anything even if I get gifts daily. If the guy is going in to debt to please his girl...well, he's just an idiot.
@globell45 (142)
• United States
23 Jan 07
I have been married to the same man for 17 yrs. now. If I ask him for something, he makes sure he finds a way to get it for me. I may have to wait a little while but I end up with it. I think most men try to impress not just the girl but her family when they do things like buy extravagent gifts for her. I think it is just that.......to prove what a great guy he is. If he really is a great guy, the girl will accept him for what he is and not for what she gets from him. Little gifts, like flowers, candy, etc. are nice, but extravagent things are just a waste. I wouldn't date a guy just for what he can give me. Girls just have to start waking up and realizing that in this world, money can't buy you love....not real love anyway.
3 people like this
@not4me (1711)
• United States
23 Jan 07
I think it is lame but this is coming from a woman who is so not romantic. I also never wanted a traditional wedding because I always saw it as a waste of money. Some women get so crazy about big expensive weddings and I just don't get it. I mean why would you want to go into debt for one pretty day? My husband buys me roses once in a while but we both agreed not to spend money on Valentine's Day or for our anniversary because it's just lame. I guess I found a good match! And just to let you know I'm not trying to kiss his butt, I actually forgot about his birthday two years ago. lol. I felt so bad but it shows that we don't spend time obsessing about holidays and whatnot - plus my husband is totally into investing all of our extra money into both stocks and real estate. That's why I'm on mylot. I'm trying to get extra money to get my hair and nails done lol.
3 people like this
@Lushlie (572)
• United States
23 Jan 07
I think this scenario is sad in more ways than one. I feel sorry for a man that feels that he has to buy things for a woman in order to get affection or the attention from her that he desires. I also think that a woman that accepts these gifts is completely in the wrong! As far as I am concerned the woman might as well consider herself a hooker as she is getting paid (with gifts) for the affection she gives.
3 people like this
@emarie (5447)
• United States
23 Jan 07
if the guy can afford it then hell, go for it, but if not...then its just plain stupid. most girls (the good ones you want to keep) don't care about how much you spend on them. when i first started dating my husband. i normally tried to pay for things. we both had jobs, mine was just part time. but majority of the time he just paid for the meals and he would make things for me, like he drew a picture of me and made me an air-brush design with my name in it. those i treasued more then the flowers and other things he bought me.
2 people like this
@alchemistrx (2554)
• Philippines
26 Jan 07
With things, men and women can buy them with the money they earned but for any relationship, I don't like spending too much on expensive but rather on foood...The most important thing.I don't think i can eat a 5,000 dollar engagement ring unless I sell it .LOL. Love don't cost a thing.It is given free.
1 person likes this
@sharon613 (2323)
• United States
24 Jan 07
It would be nice for my hubby to have $5,000 to splurge on me but I'm the type who does without if need be.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 07
Yeop, sounds like you know what you're doin. I like gifts but not $5,000 rings and stuff...what are you supposed to do with that? If a guy wanted to spend that much on me I'd much rather have it go towards motorcycle or quad. I would enjoy it more. I like little gifts like a hand made card hand picked flowers. Little things that show he's randomly thinking of me. Time with me is really important too. I don't get much of either gifts or time so it bums me out...it's hard to have alone time but I think that if he gave me thoughtful, little gifts it would help makeup for time that we don't spend together. At least I'd be getting one of the two. I've tried doing little things for him that I would want done but it doesn't really seem to do anything for him. There were maybe a couple times when he thought it was neat or at least expressed that he thought it was neat. Anyways...like I said, it sounds like you know what your doin so keep doin it...the world needs more MEN like you. :)
• Canada
23 Jan 07
It is very sad when a relationship is based on gifts, it destroys the intimacy between two people. The relationship starts to be more of a business transaction than the mutual sharing of time and interests between two people, I have found from personal experiences that when a man tries to buy your love and affection that he in turn thinks that he is buying "you" Therefore believing that it is right and fair to begin telling you what to do and how to do it, however this goes both ways. I think that it much more sweet and meaningful when man gives me the gift of his time, his trust, understanding, and affection. I just think that if your are giving gifts to get affection that eventually the person receiving the gifts will start to fell bought and ultimately expendable... I know I did. You are very right, I think that treating people this way is a learned behavior. But it truly is just common sense
1 person likes this
@finlander60 (1804)
• United States
23 Jan 07
My main point in writing this response is to inform everyone who reads this that the spending of more money, or putting the cost on a credit card, for whatever reason, like to make up after a fight, or for Christmas gifts, is a serious mistake for most men whose women are not interested in what they can get from them. I think the men who really know their women will know which ones would appreciate a gift, from the heart rather than one from his wallet. I don't mind going out for a nice dinner and paying for it, if it's for a special occasion. I must agree that the shallow people who can't see this point of view will probably disagree with me. As an example, this past summer I took a job that had me driving 30 miles each way for 2 days a week to take care of the plants and shrubs at The Home Depot. I also drove 60 miles each way to do the same thing at another Home Depot for 3 days a week. I noticed that one of these stores had dropped the price on various Rose Bushes to 25 cents each. I picked out the best 4 that I could find and bought them. When my wife got home I informed her that she should go out to the swing set and see what she thought of something she would see there. She came in all excited and said "You bought me roses." Then, looking very sternly at me said "Alright, how much did you spend on them?" I hung my head and said " A dollar." She said "A dollar each, wow thats good." I said " Not exactly a dollar each, a dollar for all of them." " Now that's a bargain" she said. "I love you." I must agree with all who have posted to this mylot discussion, that it's not the price of the gift, but the thought behind it that counts the most.
@mergl81 (195)
• United States
23 Jan 07
When it comes to gift giving for me it's not about how much my guy spends on me, but what he's buying. For example I would much prefer a nice simple ring than something thats gaudy and expensive. The price doesn't concern me as long as he gets me, and knows my taste.
1 person likes this
@tentwo67 (3382)
• United States
23 Jan 07
I think it depends on the situation, really. If a guy is throwing money around just to cover up the fact that he is a jerk, then I am with you 100%. If he's a good guy who just happens to also have a lot of money, then it wouldn't be very nice for him to go skimpy on gifts when he could afford more. In my mind and heart it is very true that a man's heart is more important than his bank account. I used to joke and tease as a younger girl about the carat size my engagement ring would "have" to be. I would say that I wanted a diamond that would "weigh my hand down" and this statement came complete with the gesture of holding my hand way down. My mother used to tell me that it was just as easy to love a rich man as a poor man. (I think she was kidding because my father certainly wasn't rich). My point in bringing all of this stuff up is that when it's really truly love, the other stuff doesn't matter. My husband doesn't like to put anything on credit and he didn't have much money when we were dating so my engagement ring is not so huge, and it couldn't matter to me less. Later on we added to it a bit, and I love the way it looks now, but that's really just cosmetic. When it's real love, it's not about the diamond, and I would have married him with a plain gold band. That doesn't mean, though, that when our financial situation is different that I would turn down a big snazzy diamond ring!
• Australia
23 Jan 07
True true hassanchop. Personally I think many people, not just men think that they can buy affection. I do it myself to my family. If I have been mean to my sisters, the first thing I do is go out and buy them a chocolate bar, its my way of saying sorry and they no it. They no I am not tryig to buy them, its just the best way for me to appologise. In terms of relationships, as a woman I would rather my boyfriend tell me he loves me, run me a bath, cook me some dinner instead of buying me things! Same goes for flowers, majority of women I know would rather be handed a bunch of flowers picked from the garden than ones store bought!
• Philippines
23 Jan 07
i don't ask anything from him but i wish that sometimes, at least, in special occasions, he could give little things that would make me appreciate his actions. it's true when you said that his presence is enough for me to be happy but there are times when a woman is also looking for a thoughtful gift. not all men could do that and if a man does it to his girl, it may come out as a surprise for her.
@maryannemax (12168)
• Sweden
23 Jan 07
i am from the philippines and my boyfriend for 9 months now is from sweden. he's been telling me that he wants to send me money because he wants to spoil me. but i never accepted the offer. i know he cares for me so much. and i appreciate his thoughts. but i don't want to be like other women who are just up to their boyfriend's money. i love my boyfriend so much with or without money. now, he respects me more than anyone else. i don't ask for too much expensive gifts. he sent me roses when there are occasions. and i find it sweet.
1 person likes this
@Shababy (140)
• United States
23 Jan 07
My husband is a great person and I know he loves me very much but he tries too hard to please me. If there is something he thinks I want something he goes out of his way to get it for me even if it means sacrificing something. I try to discourage this as much as I can. I don't know that I would call it buying my affections as he already has those forever I think he just wants to make me happy he always says he wants to give me everything. There are always going to be things I want and new things that I want. There is no way that he can buy them all. The truth is I already have everything I really need and want. He is always very concerned with his job performance as he gets bonuses and is always worried about the next promotion so he can put me in a better lifestyle. I am trying to get him to stop and keep trying to tell him that years ago when we had a-lot less and he focused more on me instead of work I was a-lot happier. If I could go back to the house we had with the peeling wallpaper and bad insulation I would because things were so much simpler and less stressful then. I'd trade our new house with the pool in the back for those better times with him most days of the week. I don't know how to get this across to him.
1 person likes this