discovering another person
January 24, 2007 12:11am CST
My life changed when the class I was taking in college, the professor spoke about finding meaning in our lives. She asked us when we were going to start living our lives instead of someone else's. The whole class looked confused. This was because we had been programmed to do everything to make everyone else happy except ourselves. Yet we weren't happy, but thought by doing what everyone said that we were. We went through different exercises as a group and individually to explore to unlock these deeply hidden secrets. This involved writing in a journal and sometimes talking about them in front of everyone. I felt like I was going to an AA meeting (I have never attended one, but could imagine). It made me realize I wasn't alone in what I was going through. I think we all go through a crossroads in which we do not know what the heck is going on. She talked a lot about spirituality that stemmed from her Buddhism faith. I always thought spirituality and religion were the same, but they are not. Through taking this class, I started searching and seeking ways to break the cycle I was living in and became more aware of myself. One of my biggest problems was fear of failing and succeeding. She said that you have to put one foot forward in front of the other and walk. That you may stumble at first, but then the strides become less wobbly and much stronger. I have indeed seen I am stronger in my walk this now a year later. I still get the case of fear, but now play a game with myself and see fear as an exciting thing and as many say,"what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I go for it for it is my life and dreams to concur. I have since started listening to my inner voice. I didn't do it before for I thought it was nuisance always trying to tell me what to do when in fact it was trying to help and protect me. I didn't trust myself and now I am learning I am my best ally. At times I also can be my worse enemy and need to get out of my own way. If I don't take care of myself, who will? Have you been at a crossroads in which you have had to do some soul searching? Was it an event, a religious experience that made you take a step back or did you always know you were on this journey of discovery? What have you found?