What makes you not want to take care of yourself?

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I'm having a poor health night, so bear with me if I'm a big negative. Coughing up blood is not fun. I know a lot of people who started out life generally healthy, have always been generally healthy, and find it very easy to take good care of themselves via exercise and diet. I'm a little annoyed with one of them who constantly tells me I'd be healthier if I did aerobics or lived off salad or whatever her thing of the day is. What makes me not want to take care of myself is the fact that I can only ever get so much out of it. My life span is likely to be very limited, my quality of life is already degrading faster than I sometimes care to admit. My bouncy healthy friend has no idea what it feels like, and can't possibly understand that the little bit of walking I do each day is the limit of what my body can handle. I don't want to be a whiner. I know there are people with worse problems that mine, and would probably love to be able to do things I can do. But on nights like tonight, I just can't help thinking how much I would love to go fill my misformed-from-birth lungs with cigarette smoke, eat a plate of the saltiest food I can find whether it affects my hearing or not, and just tell that annoyingly happy girl to shut it. Ummm... discuss?