Did your first child put you off having more?

January 26, 2007 7:38am CST
I have a daughter just over 2 years old, and though i love her more than anything in the world, there is no way i would ever have any more children, from birth to about 6 months she cried constantly day and night, then after that she refused to sleep, once she hit her toddler age, she had horrible tantrums, things are getting easier with time, but i know i would never have another child after these experiences. Any body had similar experiences? or was your child such a quiet child that slept through so you couldnt wait to have another one?
6 people like this
23 responses
• United States
26 Jan 07
My child has been very well-behaved since the start. I would love to have more, but what is stopping me now is the financial strain that children bring. They are a blessing, but they are also expensive.
3 people like this
• Canada
26 Jan 07
After a really rough labor and delivery with my first daughter, my then-husband said, "no more. I'm not watching you go through this again." She was a difficult baby. She slept SO well -- during the DAY lol -- and thought that 2, 3 or 4AM was a great time to be wide awake and screaming. It took quite awhile to get her turned around to something more manageable. Everyone said she'll sleep through the night by 3 months... ok, she'll sleep through the night by 6 months... ok, FOR SURE she'll sleep through the night by a year. It was a little over a year. I often thought I'd have only the one. But, she does have a sister :) They're a little over 3 years apart in age. My sister has just one daughter, who is now a happy, healthy, cute as a button 2nd grader. She was even MORE difficult as a baby than either of my kids... and she didn't sleep through until she was well past 2 years old. They're all different. My sister said from the start that there would be only one child and she meant it. She and her husband get questions and pressure from all sorts of people about not having an only child, "oh you MUST want another one!", that kind of thing. But they really don't. You'll know what feels right for you, grinnerlynn :) no matter what anyone else says.
2 people like this
26 Jan 07
thanks for all your comments, they have been really helpful, my daughter is 2 years an almost three months now, i'll report back when she finally sleeps through the night lol ;-)
• United States
26 Jan 07
I had my first child when I was 39 years old. So the only reason I did not have more children was because of my age. I would have loved to have 2 children. A boy and a girl. My daughter was premature and woke up every 2 hours each night until she was 2 1/2 months old. But after that she slept through the night and was a very good baby. Every child is different, so you may have a better experience with a second child. But if you really feel you don't want anymore children, then you shouldn't. That is your decision. You know what is best for you and you shouldn't let anyone tell you what you should do.
@malsun (1528)
• United States
26 Jan 07
i have a 16 month old daughter. though we have had similar experiences with her, it has not held us back from wanting more children. but the only thing that keeps me back is the pain that i have seen my wife go through. my wife was on 9 month bed rest when she was pregnant with my daughter. she finally had a c-section delivery as she could no longer bear the pain she was in. only i am skeptical about putting her to such pain again. my wife says she will bear any pain for one more baby.
@Ravenladyj (22936)
• United States
26 Jan 07
My first was colicy for the first 3+ months of his life so he cried all the time, nursed all the time and was just difficult..mind you he also had jaundice that wasnt discovered until he was a few weeks old and my post partum was AWFUL..really bad so that didnt help the situation either.....BUT I LOVE being a mom..even after 2 miscarriages and the complications with my last preg and him being born far too early and all that came with it..I LOVE being a mom, I love being preg, I love giving birth, nursing, poopy diapers, spit up, midnight feedings, the whole nine yards LOL and I wish I could have had more kids but my husband has decided no more... Who knows though, maybe in time you'll change your mind and if that never happens thats fine too ya know...
2 people like this
@caraj444 (1080)
• Canada
27 Jan 07
The child you just described is exactly like my second child, did we ever get lucky the first time. Our first is such a well behaved child and shes been this way right from the start, my second is so much harder to deal with, if we had the second child first we never would have had any more. I love him but i know if i had another child that needs as much attention as he does i wouldnt be able to do it, you only have so much patience and i think another one would push me over the edge.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 07
My toddler is not a good sleeper either when she was a baby and I always think I could never get a good night sleep. She has been pretty good with the other stuff. I was thinking this will be it because all the things you do for your child and what you go through with them...but then am on the family way again and people always said that babies are different so I hope this one will be good. I hope everything will be getting better for you because children will get over that phase. I know there are tough times in bringing them up but when you see them smile at you and you hold them close, it seems all the tiredness will just go away.
1 person likes this
@devideddi (1436)
• United States
26 Jan 07
Just the opposite happened to me. My first pregnancy was wonderful. I was happy and felt great. Everything went smooth and I got exactly what I wanted a blond hair blue eyed baby girl. I knew I wanted a big family so I thought this is great and was excited about doing it again. They were 18 months apart. Everything was hard the second time. Everything from the pregnancy to the birth to the behavior of the child. He was alot more outgoing and it was so much harder with two. You hang in there, it will pass soon I promise. The key here I believe you need is a break here and there. You must keep yourself feeling good in order to be your best for your child. Let someone help out if you can. Find a babysitter you trust. Not for all the time just a couple hours here and there. It makes a world of difference. Good Luck
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 07
Our first daughter had simular problems. Doctors called it "Collic" or something like that. She would go through 6 to 12 hours blocks of solid crying. It drove me totally insane but after many calls to my wife at work (I am a work at home dad) we managed to get through it. Our second daughter is now 7 months but doesnt have the "Collic" or whatever it was. Although since our first, they now have better formula for that stuff. She still has her fits of rage though as with any baby. Even though I have though about having a huge family (like 10 kids or so), having our second I think really turned me off for more. I have since had a vesictimy done and will not have any more children. I still get the urge of a huge family sometimes though and then realize how glad I am I got the surgery done.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 07
I have a son who is 6 years old. He was a wonderful baby. I choose not to have another one simply because of the problems I had with my first pregnancy. Horrible, horrible, horrible! I would also need another c-section which I am totally terrified of. I had a horrible experience with that also. Call me a baby I cannot imagine going through that again. I would love to have another child but I am so afraid of complications and another c-section which I have already been told is unavoidable. I know each pregnancy is different but the possiblity is there and just knowing a c-section is in my future, I shudder at the thought LOL.
@jolanda33 (720)
• Netherlands
26 Jan 07
i have two daughters, and both of them are very easy! the first one sleeps all night after 3 weeks, and the second one after 5 weeks! the first one had a crying hour(4-5 pm) for let's say a month, the youngest one is only 8 months now she did'nt had one yet. i understand your situation,because crying can make you crazy! ofcourse one of my kids ever had a bad day, at the end off that day i could almost "kill" her because you're tired, can't help your child and wants to stop that crying! but never say no! maybe one day you say yes let's try it again!
1 person likes this
@sylviekitty (2083)
• United States
26 Jan 07
My first daughter was an angel compared to my son (who is adorable, but gave his parents a hard time since he popped out of the womb. LOL!) I think honestly, it was partly him, and partly having kids so close together (he's 3, and my daughter is 4 1/2), that made us think twice about increasing the size of our family! My husband went and got himself "fixed" 7 months after our second was born. My husband and I don't seem to agree much on how to handle our kids, so I think it's for the best we didn't/can't create anymore.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12836)
• Australia
27 Jan 07
i don't have a child yetand is still waiting for God to give me one... so i can't really comment a lot on this discussion... however, i think i won't ne put off just because of my first child and i definitely want more than one child if God allows me to... at least 2... one is too lonely for him/her and is not good for hid/her development as well... that's what i think...
• United States
27 Jan 07
That's exactly what I thought...before having my first AND only child. I first decided not to have any more because of the unbelievable pain during my c-section recovery...until I got to know my little monster better,lol. She's enough,lol. Good luck getting pregnant!!!
@alfa62603 (192)
• Philippines
9 Feb 07
I had a similar experience but with a little twist, I gave birth to my first child at a very early age...i guess I haven't well at that time, so after that I told myself that I will have another child after 10 years or more..i have always thought that I should also enjoy my life as a person, after 12 years I had my 2nd baby...now I nevr want to leave her even for just a few minutes, luckily I have a very, very good and happy baby, not having any problems at all.
@Muslimah (811)
• United States
27 Jan 07
Mother with baby - a mother holding her baby and kissing him on the nose
sure didnt. I have 3 kids and i still want more. Labor is hard and raising them is even harder but its my job and i wouldnt trade it for anything. I love my kids and i want them to have alot of brothers and sisters. I guess because i have 7 brothers and sisters I love big families.
• India
27 Jan 07
i think children r the most beautiful gift of god to the humans ...but all the children in this world r naughty and they tend to irritate their parents...i think it is the part of the parentship to nurture them
@mbarryton (1872)
• United States
27 Jan 07
absolutely not i have two and maybe one day at least have one more
• United States
27 Jan 07
We are lucky that my son was a very good baby. I swore I would never have any children after seeing how some parents were pulling their hair out with theirs. But after I had my son, that all changed. It also helped that we didn't have the constant crying or croup or any other problems like that. If it wasn't for my age, I would have thought about having another.
• India
27 Jan 07
i really felt relaxed when i found this discussion topic thinking i am not the only one who is having this experience. i have my first seven month old baby girl though i love her very much but the sleepless nights i am getting now has made me decide that we are not going to go for the next baby. i always ask my mother how she mamaged with 5 kids and she tells they were really very quite. i think the new generation babies are little bit more crancky than earlier ones.but being pregnant and mother is really great but still i think i wont dare to go for the next baby.
@samraf (725)
• India
27 Jan 07
hahaha well intersting situation eheh i would like to see your baby, no no i am not making fun its actually very cute :) well i dont have any baby but i think this is the cutest thing one can ever experience and what does it mean that you wont have another baby. its just depend on the baby.. if your 1st one was not peacefull then it dosent mean that your 2nd one will also be the same and if it will then ill suggest you not to go for the 3rd one keep it up to 2 heheehe ...have fun Regards.