What would you do If it were you?
January 26, 2007 8:04am CST
My biological father passed away when I was only 18 months old. I didn't get to know his family very well. I have learned over the years the woman I thought was my Aunt was actually his mother and who I thought was my fathers mother was actually his grandmother but she raised him as her son. He even carried her last name. His brothers had a different last name so it is very confusing. I knew he had a daughter by a woman that he never married but he had custody of the daughter but gave her up for adoption to his sister. I have never met her. My mother remarried when I was 4. I have 2 older brothers, 1 older sister and a younger brother from my step father and mother. My step father was the only father I knew and I thought of him as my only father. Noone in my family spoke much of my biological father because of the pain it caused my mother. She was 24 when my biological father died of a massive heart attack. She was left with 4 kids the oldest at the time only 9 years old. She had a nervous break down and eventualy regained her strength and moved on with her life. So here is the dilema. I got a call from my older brother 5 years ago saying he had been contacted by a man who said he was our brother. He had been searching for us for many years and has just now found us. He has a birth certificate with my biological father being named as his father. It is really scarey that this man has personsl information on my entire family that I didn't know you could get off the enternet. He knows birthdays of my children, my first husband and my second husband. He knows more about my biological family than I do. He wants to meet me. He has visited with my older siblings but with me living in a different state I was not there. He has called on my birthdays,mothers days,anniversaries and holidays. He asks all kinds of questions about my biological father and his family that I don't know. He says he has felt lost all these years knowing he had a family that he didn't know. His mother married and had more children but he didn't feel the connection with them. I feel no connection to this man. All these years noone knew about him. He has a marriage certificate from his mother and my biological father. My father didn't know the woman was pregnant and they divorced after 4 months. My father new about this child cause there are pictures of him with a boy about 6 months old. There is only 1 picture. I feel don't want to meet this man but my oldest brother thinks I should. I have heard the others speak about this man and how they didn't particularly care for him. He says he isn't looking for anything other than being a part of our family. I feel like this man is invading on my private life with his requests. He all but insists on me coming to mothers house so he can meet me and my family. He even called me and told me he was coming to my house to stay once. I told him not to make the trip because we were going out of town. How do I tell this man politely that I don't want to meet him or get to know him? That is a part of my life that has been kept from me and I wish for it to stay that way. I know how hard it has been for my mother over the years and I don't want her to have to relive that pain again. Surely there is someone out there that has had a similar ordeal that can give me some advice. What would you do if you felt you were being invaded upon like this? I feel like I'm being stalked by him in a way. Thanks for the advice.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Feb 07
Well, it does sound like you really have a big problem and I think although you do not want to see him or meet him, just give him a chance. Meet in a public area not your house. I think you should get to know the man before you decide you do not like him. After all you are related somewhat.