a serious question on my marriage

@mw6961 (50)
India
January 26, 2007 12:50pm CST
friends i have started this discussion to get some idea,suggestions which will help me in taking a good decision. iam in love with my uncle's daughter. iam 29 years old but she is only 17. i know she is too young for me but can i marry her? at present i cant live without her.will there be any problems after marriage? generation gap would be a problem or whatever it please tell me.she is also loving me but at times she is afraid of their parents.please tell me can i marry her or not.
15 people like this
113 responses
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
26 Jan 07
Ew. First of all...SHE IS YOUR FAMILY. I dont know where your from, or if that's part of everyday life but its wrong. second. i'm a girl, and i am now 26, when i was 17.. my idea of love was ALOT different then my idea of love now. She may think she loves you now, but maybe its just because you are there and you are nice to her and tell her that you lvoe her. i really think you should find someone outside of your family and someone at least in their 20's. SAY NO to incest and Statutory rape!
4 people like this
@mw6961 (50)
• India
26 Jan 07
first thanks for your response.and now dont think iam arguing or justifying myself. i want to clarify few more doubts.first she is not from our family,means a distant relative say we were related two generation back.and the main thing i want to know is about the age difference.ok now shall i take your case.you are 26 now, are you married? if so wat is your spouse age? are you both in same age group?
2 people like this
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
26 Jan 07
Indeed we are in the same age group, he is a year younger then i am. but he's also not related to me in any manner.
2 people like this
@candygurl24 (1880)
• Canada
26 Jan 07
Oh dear. Well, I don't know that your beliefs in India are the same as where I am, but if you marry your cousin in my country, it is incest, which is frowned upon, ALOT. Also, if you want children, please please please pick someone from outside of your family! There can be alot of defects in a child that is produced by cousins and other family members. I believe that it would only be selfish to have a child brought into the world deformed with your knowledge that it could happen. The age gap is not what concerns me..it is only a number. But she is your COUSIN! Find another bride and love her with all your might, have many fine children etc etc. Just don't marry your cousin!
3 people like this
@072006 (1279)
• India
26 Jan 07
Nope!!!...you really should not get married to her nad this will be good for you and for her too!!! See man, now it amy possible taht you are feeling like that you cannot live without that girl, but once when you will try to accept the thing that you are really not made for each other, then easily you will be able to control yourself, because our mind works in way we want ot to work, so just stop thinking that you acnnot live without her. One more thing as your age and her age you ahve mentioned that will really create problem after some time, then you will find there is gap in everything, then ultimately it'll hurt you lot. So its really better to take wise decision at right time. Hope you undestand what i mean to say. Best luck!!
@mw6961 (50)
• India
26 Jan 07
thanks for your advice.i shall try to think as you said. the thing is she too loves me very much and she is also saying that she cant live without me.i have tried to control my feelings many time but once i see her or talk to her everything will be lost.there is no way i cant be without seeing her.she is very near to my house so i will definetly see her.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Jan 07
Your uncle's daughter would be your cousin. If she is related to you, it isn't wise to date her to begin with. I have seen marriages with that kind of age gap work, but before you go any further you need to consult her parents. If they do not approve of your relationship, it won't work out. You will cause so many problems in her family. Just be open and talk to them.
2 people like this
@dbeast (1498)
• India
26 Jan 07
come on man this wont take place.you gotta think.what have you got in mind.that girl is barely legal .Do you think this will work out.Man you definitely will have better oppurtunities.she may say that she loves you know but just imagine what will happen when she becomes really mature ,when she starts thinking about things.personally i mean no offence but i think you should try changing your mind or just ignore these feelings as a passing cloud man.all the best.
2 people like this
@timish (128)
• United States
26 Jan 07
If you really love her and she loves you back, and if you can support her then why not? I don't how your culture works, but I'm guessing marrying your cousin is ok, right? Do you think your family will allow this?
2 people like this
@tinkutr (382)
• India
26 Jan 07
My Friend I support you. I am an Indian. Here also one can marry his uncle's daughter. And the age you specified is not a problem. Most marriages have a age gap like this. As you love her very much and can't live without her You don't need to think more. But ask her First. Best wishes to u my friend. I suggest you to wait one year so that she will get an age of 18 Thanks.....
2 people like this
@limosonia1 (1559)
• United States
26 Jan 07
Leave her alone she is a baby and young. Plus she is your family. That isn't right. Go on and find somebody that is your age. She hasn't even experienced her life yet. I know that she is old enough to fall in love but you should move aside and let her find somebody around her age. No you should not marry her
2 people like this
• India
27 Jan 07
Sorry to break it, but marrying from the same family causes some problem besides she is only 17 at if she lover you too stick to it.
1 person likes this
• India
27 Jan 07
There is a correction but if she loves you too then you should stick to it
• United States
26 Jan 07
Your uncle's daughter makes her your cousin. That's illegal for that reason. Also, it is illegal anyway, seeing as how she's only 17.
1 person likes this
• India
27 Jan 07
i agree with strawberrymudd !!
1 person likes this
@vega83 (6345)
• Bahrain
27 Jan 07
dude i think she's too young for u. she's at a point in her life, when her most important decisions will be made if she's single and unattached. u're more mature, don't be a perv and if u really love her, u'll let her grow emotionally, before she can really understand what she feels. I'm not against generation gaps, but i'm not down with it when it concerns a 'minor'
@avs189 (1030)
• India
27 Jan 07
If you are from India u cannot marry her unless the girl 18 be it from ur family or else....also i would say that girl is pretty immatured ,just infatuation for her...so keep out of this mess since ur the only one landing in trouble according to me...
1 person likes this
@frndzb4 (131)
27 Jan 07
I think u r muslim, so in your community it's allowed to get married within the relationship.. that's fine but the kind of age gap u both have .. it's not justified to marry with a girl who is too young .. U both r not matured enough to take the decision. Later on all this love will get vanished and you'll end up with a disaster. If its a mutual love then wait for five years more .. by the time she will too become sensible enough to take the decision and then if you both will still feel that you can lead your life together, then you can easily get married... once she'll grow up then het family will not object this marriage.
1 person likes this
@michele609 (1687)
• United States
27 Jan 07
Well I dont really know what country you are from but here in the usa we can not marry are own family it is illegal, If you guys have the same blood running through your bodies then there can be a problem having children also!
1 person likes this
• India
27 Jan 07
Go ahead man, you love her and she loves you so there should be no problem at all, i am sure you will get her and you will be married soon.
1 person likes this
@naiina (135)
• China
27 Jan 07
i think u can marry... i ve seen that cases in which there is a gap of 15 yrs n more... but she is not mature n u have to b patience ...she may do childish acts n u said that she is also interested in u but u know in her age girls like elder boys...but when she 'll mature may b there comes some problems... so watch out n if u r muslim then its better to do istakhara before any decision..
1 person likes this
@chavezrmc (5914)
• Philippines
27 Jan 07
If she is your uncle's daughter, then she is your cousin. Is this acceptable to your culture to marry a relative? I will tell that a young mind of 17 is far far far different of the mind of a twenty years old. How much of a 17 years old. Don't take advantage of the youngs i am sorry to say this. If marrying a relative is acceptable to your culture then i would highly suggest that you let the girl grow. When she at the right marrying age and she is still in love with you then go on. Remember you are not only doing favor to this girl but to you as well. Let her be matured enough when you will settle down... Marriage is a lifetime commitment so you have to both prepared for this.
@achaeir (47)
• Indonesia
27 Jan 07
As long as both of you love each other I don't think it will be a problem. I've got a friend who was much older than you when he married a teenager. Their marriage is fine as far as I know. So what matters is you love each other.
@abhichin (159)
• India
27 Jan 07
I dont know about your culture, but if love her and if your culture and your parents allow u can marry her.But for that u two will have to wait till she becomes 18.I hope u understand it's illegal before that.Till that time u can spend time together.
@chel_0525 (203)
• Philippines
27 Jan 07
oh im sorry,but she is too young for you.maybe now she is just infatuated on you. i guess you have to seek for guidance from above.we can not say what will happen only HE knows.ask him to give you signs whether you will marry her or not.HE will not lead you astray.
1 person likes this