Moving into Big Kids Room

@rainbow (6763)
January 28, 2007 11:35am CST
My 3 year old has always slept with us or in his cot. Thursday night I took the cot down and spent 2 nights with him in his brothers room, now their room. Satrday morning he woke up and knew I would be back so went to sleep by himself and got up about an hour later. Saturday night he dozed off on the sofa so I carried him to bed. We awoke in a huge panic about 3am and got in our bed to alm down. When he went to sleep I went and got in the bunk bed, thinking if he woke he'd follow me. Tonight I'm planning to put him in his bed and if he comes through I'm going to take him back and stay until he's asleep. Do you think this is the nicest way to do it? What would you do to get him to stay in the big boys room with his brother? Am I being too soft on him?
9 people like this
14 responses
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
28 Jan 07
Well yes and no but there has to be a reason for him to be like this So all I can suggest really is keep taking him back to his bed when he comes through try first not to stay with explain to him that his Brother is there with hm and that he is a big Boy now Mummy's big Boy who has to sleep in his big bed Try that first but if he still keeps coming through the yes try staying with him Also try if you haven't yet one of those little night Plugs that might help him to I hope this works for you and you don't have to many sleepless nights
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@rainbow (6763)
28 Jan 07
Bless you he has a plug in and the far end light left on because they are both scared of the dark - my fault I leave a light on too. I'm sure he's big enough to sleep in the big room, and think it's just getting to sleep alone that is stopping him, although he did it Satrday morning. Hey, at least I got him in there, I don't think it's a bad start, he only managed his cot in November. Just not sure how fast to move it forward on him without him making a fuss. Bong slept in ther from being 3 although from being 2 he slept in there with mummy as we were having the extension built and had to share so I had no problems with him, he still never sleeps much but hey-ho.
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@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
28 Jan 07
Well just take it slowly then and I am sure the little Darling will soon do it
@rainbow (6763)
28 Jan 07
ha-ha they are in bed now but I can hear them playing, so beds not happening yet, bless
@Brooke3 (614)
29 Jan 07
It's perfectly normal for children to act in the way that he is when they first move into their own room and I think you are doing all the right things. But Iw ould say it is probably best to make sure that he falls asleep in his own room because then he will have some idea where he is when he wakes up. I wouldn't be too harsh on him, maybe offer him incentives to stay in his own bed. I like the star chart personally, where you give him a star for every night he stays in his own bed and if he stays in the bed for seven nights in a row then he gets a small prize.
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@rainbow (6763)
29 Jan 07
Thank-you so much for your help, thats a really good idea, do you think it might be too much pressure for a little chap, I suppose if he gets to make the star chart too it'll be more fun, I may get him to help me make one some time this week, when he's a little more used to the falling asleep in his room thing.
• United States
29 Jan 07
What I would do is bring him into the room and sit with him until he falls asleep. Then I would go back to my room. Do NOT let him go back into the bed with you. He will continue to do it if you don't break that habit. Also, get his brother involved in helping you. Try to get him to calm the little one down.
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@rainbow (6763)
29 Jan 07
Hi momo that's clever advise,thank you. I had decided that tonight he si going back if he wakes up, I may have to stay with him for a while but he stays. Can't imagine Bong helping much but I have a few more ideas up my sleeve now with all my friends help.
@Ambur25 (1007)
• United States
29 Jan 07
It's a tough situation... because being a mother, you want to protect him, and comfort him when he's scared. But, he's not going to learn how to "not" be scared unless he's forced to do so. Humans would be scared of everything, and growing up, we're scared of "something" at one point or another. Do you remember being scared of "under the bed?" Lol. I sure do. But, when I got over is, was when I just dealt with it on my own, and I realized there was nothing to be afraid of. He's going to be a little afraid at first, but putting him in your bed is only making matters worse. =/ My suggestion would be to make him stay in his bed, even if you have to sit with him for a few minutes. Use the gradual approach. Put a chair next to his bed, and sit there with a book or magazine. The rules are "No talking and no playing." If there's talking, leave. If he wants you to stay in there, he has to be perfectly quiet with his eyes closed. Then move the chair back a little from his bed. Until you're in the middle of the room. Until he's asleep. The next night, put the chair were you left it the night before. Before long, he'll be okay with going to sleep in his own bed, knowing you're right there in the living room if he needs you. He just got used to the comfort level of having you right by his side. But, kids don't realize that the living room isn't another planet! Lol.
@rainbow (6763)
29 Jan 07
hi Ambur, wow that's really clever! I like that idea very much. Thank-you so much I know I'm a big softy with him because he is the baby and keep thinking of ways to make it easy on him, I never thought of playing sleeping lions, well done.
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@Ambur25 (1007)
• United States
29 Jan 07
You're very welcome darlin'. And keep us posted! I'd like to hear if he's getting used to his "big boy bed." =P
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@rainbow (6763)
29 Jan 07
I think this might just make my older son go to sleep earlier too, can't wait for bedtime, will let you have an update tomorrow, thanks again!
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@craftwave (1338)
• United States
29 Jan 07
The easieat way to deal with this is to not start it in the first place. My kids always had their own room even as a baby. Their room was always nearby and we kept the doors open so we could hear them. Hence we never had to wean them from our room to theirs. Made life so much easier for all of us. But since you didn't do this from the beginning then just keep taking him back to bed. I wouldn't stay with him though because that would start a whole other round of dependency on you that you have to break eventually. Take him to bed read a story or two, then tuck him in. It also might help if he has a special blanket or toy that is not for sharing just his alone. There really is no easy way of doing this just have to keep putting him back in bed.
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@rainbow (6763)
29 Jan 07
Thank-you so much for your support, don't think we've met before so Hi. Yes I confess, I breatfed and co-slept as I did with my older son but had no problems getting him into the big boys room, but Roo is my baby and ther will be no more babys. He has his Teddy, blanket and all his toys so he's fine it's just a case of us all getting used to it. He's such a lovely little fellow I don't really want to do it but I know I must our bed is getting too small as he is growing fast. I threw his cot matress away as there is no going back but I jsut can't bear to see him upset. I know I can do this it's just doing it so he's ok with it as these nanny programmes that just keep throwing them back horrify me.
@craftwave (1338)
• United States
29 Jan 07
Hi no I don't think we met before either. Hope it gets easier and that he accepts it soon for both your sakes.
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@rainbow (6763)
29 Jan 07
thank-you it's his poor dad I feel sorry for but he's been quite enjoying having the big bed to himself for a change, lol
@ossie16d (11826)
• Australia
1 Mar 07
It generally takes a little while for them to adjust, particularly as he is not a "baby" in the accepted sense of the term rainbow. Another time when you have to show some "tough love" really, and make sure he stays in his own bed now that he is a "middle sized boy". I used to save the term "big boy" till our son was a little older, so he knew he couldn't do everything that the big boys did, so the middle sized one was more appropriate. :) Put the boys in bed at a certain time every night, give them lots of kisses, hugs and "I love you and you are special", the leave them in their own beds. You tell, or read, them a story but only if they keep their eyes closed while you are doing it. Gradually lower your voice and slowly move towards the door. It shouldn't take too long and sometimes make sure that your husband also reads to the boys too. Also put a nightlight in the passage near their room in case they wake up frightened of the dark. At the same time, if either of them comes to your bed during the night, then move them back to their own bed because he hs his own room and his brother is also there. However, allow them to climb into your bed for a short while in the morning so you can have family cuddles etc. Obviously if one of the boys is sick, then you will need to spend more time with that one, but be careful about allowing him into your bed for the night, unless of course they are very sick and need to have you near. Oh and the night light should just be a dull one, and you can get the small lights which fit straight into the power point/outlet and they do the trick quite well. Not enough light to keep the boys awake, but enough for them to see that all is okay. This discussion is a month old now rainbow, so hopefully you will have implemented some sort of system that is working well, but if not think about the suggestions I have made. Sometimes it is hard when this is your last baby but at the same time, you don't want him still sleeping with you in your bed in 5 years time.
@rainbow (6763)
1 Mar 07
I'm being really good, I do bedtime stories and a lot of taking back to your room, I usually win in the end. Lat night I made the mistake of a new stoy book called "Because I love you so much" which has 6 really cute stories and they loved it so much I had to read them all, not the relaxing vision I had had, the ones without pictures are better, lol. Sometimes I have to give in an cuddle Roo to sleep about 11pm, on his bed, then I desert as soon as I dare, lol. Some morings we wake up and he has magically appeared between us, but we are getting there slowly. Bong goes to sleep quite nicely around 9.30 - 10pm now which s far better than the 4 hours a night he used to do, bless him he's gota hospital appointment about his special needs this afternoon, maybe we will finally get some help for him, doubtful but I can cross my fingers anyway. Thank-you for your support - I hope you are not still telling me how to do this in 5 years time either!
@sbeauty (5870)
• United States
29 Jan 07
You made your first mistake when you let him sleep in your room for so long. With my kids, they both started out sleeping in their cribs in their own rooms right from the hospital. I never had any problem at all. However, you're going thru the exact same thing my daughter is right now. Although Cayden has had his own room since they moved into their house when he wasn't quite 2, he's never wanted to stay put, but usually he's stayed in his room and slept on the floor or in the closet or something. Recently they bought him a big-boy bed to replace his toddler bed, and he's refusing to sleep in it. He waits until they go to sleep, then climbs in between them to sleep. He almost always wets the bed when he's with them which he doesn't do otherwise. He also likes to go into his baby sister's room and wake her up. I tell her the same thing -- that she should have enforced staying in bed from the beginning, but it's too late for that now. All you can do is keep putting him back in bed until he understands he has to stay. DO NOT sleep with him. That'll just start another habit that's hard to break.
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@rainbow (6763)
28 Feb 07
So sorry - did reply but it doesn't seem to be here. I know I should have been tougher but I'm such a softy and far too lazy to walk to another room if I didn't have to in the middle of the night, I know I'm paying for it now, but it's not such a big deal, just need an extra wide bed, lol.
@lifeiseasy (2292)
• United States
29 Jan 07
Its very hard isn't ..lol ..I have a 2 yr that i have alloed to sleep with e and I know its going to be a fihjt to get her back into her room. She had always had her own bed and room and had always slept there until recently... some older kids has introduced her to " monsters" so I may have a time with her too... What i am planning is to put her in and tell her mommy is in her room and I will be there if you need me but you are a big girl and you will love having your own room and own bed...try to tell her how fun it is and I have already started reading her a naptime stroy in her bed before her nap so hopefully next we graduate to her bed at night...habits hopefully this will work for her...good luck and don't feel like your are a push over or a softie we all are...LOL
@rainbow (6763)
29 Jan 07
Thank you so much for your support, it's cos he's te baby more than anything, I can't bear to see his little face all wrinkled up and upset. I think your nap idea is wonderful, you are lucky to have a little break in the day, and it prooves the monster is not under her bed, all of the time anyway. I'm so sorry about your monster. let me tell you how I deal with monsters, maybe that way I can help you too. My older son had an attack of monsters when he was 2 but I pulled the monster out from under the bed, on my 2nd attempt and threw it out of the door (he could see it) it never came back and he still tells me about how I got rid it, he's 7 now. Roo didn't have monsters because he had Mess Monster books, there are 3 now Mess monsters, Mess Monsters in the Garden and Mess Monsters at Christmas by Beth Shoshan, He also has two cuddley monsters from the stories. He used to sleep with the paperback version and take it everywhere, they're really bright and chearful so there's no way monsters are scary but they may be a bit naughty sometimes. You can pick them up quite cheaply from Amazon.
@kmgupta (561)
• India
29 Jan 07
no you are not that soft
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@rainbow (6763)
29 Jan 07
Thank-you, I sometimes feel that I am far too soft with my boys and try my best to get them to do as they should or as I want but to still be happy.
@limosonia1 (1559)
• United States
29 Jan 07
I think as moms we all have gone through this at some point. My 6 year old still sleeps with momma bear which I got him when he was a baby. He had it in his crib and it got packed away when he got a little older. I remember struggling with him or always sleeping in his room. I knew it was because he needed to be next to me but I was exhausted. One day I was going through boxes and found it. So I figured I would try it. I told him it was a special bear that helped him when he was a baby and that it would help him sleep in his room now. It worked like a charm. We turn it on and he goes to sleep with it. It's a bear that makes the sounds of the womb and is very sothing. Maybe if you find something that will make him comfortable and secure like the security you give him he will feel better about sleeping alone. I know mine did and now I get to sleep.
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@rainbow (6763)
29 Jan 07
That's really clever, Roo has his bear and although he is not always bothered about him will get him if he is really upset. shame bear is already in there with him, Like you I know it's me he wants. I'm sre if I am gentle enough he'll get through this.
@maidei (76)
29 Jan 07
You have to be firm with him....keep taking him back even if it means you spend the whole night moving up and down ....show how serious you are....
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@rainbow (6763)
29 Jan 07
Hi, don't think we've met before, that is the theory for tonight, once he is asleep if he wakes up he will have to go back even if I have to stay with him. He's only started waking since he moved. I'm just such a softy with him, his big brother didn't make a fuss so it's all new to me but he's my baby and there will be no more babies so I feel cruel. I'm sure in acouple of weeks i can do this with as littel stress all round as possible.
• United States
29 Jan 07
i moved my daughter to her own room at 4 months old and shes been there since. if she's been sick, she'll sleep with us sometimes. when she got moved to a toddler bed, i put up a baby gate so that she wasnt up roaming around. every night we put it up and its been great. you dont want to be too hard on him because he'll get a negative feeling about the big boys room, but maybe try a gate and see how that works. make sure he's got a little night light and a teddy bear or lovey to make him feel more secure.
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@rainbow (6763)
29 Jan 07
Thank-you for your lovely comments and support, don't think we've met before so Hi. I admire anyone who can put their little ones in their own room so young, I couldn't have done it. He's got his Teddy and blankey and usually me till he dozes off, he spends a lot of time in there in an eveing with his brother but has started waking in the night since he moved, bless him. Tonight I will try to calm him back in his room, not mine. He has a plug in and one of the spotights although it is turned awas so he can see, I just feel cruel although UI know it has to be done so I'm trying to do it gently. I
@Willowlady (10666)
• United States
28 Jan 07
Seems like you could make it a big deal for him to be able to sleep in the big boys room. Make it something that he would want to do so he could be counted a big boy. Good luck with this. You seem to be making some progress anyway. Let us know when he is in the big boy room at last!
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@rainbow (6763)
28 Jan 07
They went to bed at 7.30 and they just keep coming back its 9.45pm now, but I'm being patient I dont want it to turn into a nightmare. They are still playing, think it's as much an adventure for Bong as it is for Roo, I know I will be sleeping in there again unless Roo comes and snggles up on the sofa and drops off which is his favourite but he keeps going back so there is hope yet, will let you know if I ever get them to bed and asleep at a reasonable time, may have a few years to wait yet, ha-ha-ha
@suedarr (2382)
• Canada
29 Jan 07
It is a very big adjustment for him, for any child. Just keep prasing him for reaching this milestone, making sure he knows how proud you are and eventually he'll get used to the idea and love his big boys room ... :) Just know there will be some setbacks, but I think you are doing the right thing. You might also want to have him decorate his area of the room, with pictures or a favourite movie poster that he picks out. Best wishes!
@suedarr (2382)
• Canada
29 Jan 07
Ooooops typoed: That should read "keep praising him" for being a big boy now.
@rainbow (6763)
29 Jan 07
Thanks for the support and good poster ideas! He does creep back and I know he missed his cot but I threw the mattress away so there's no going back. . He's spending most of the evening in the bedroom, had done for some time and his toys are in there. Just stay until he's asleep 11.15 last night. I slept with him the first 2 nights and tonight if he comes through will take him back and calm him down in his room, even if I stay the rest of the night, I'm trying to be gentle. I slept with Billy for ages but I had to sleep in his room any way because we were building an extension, he never really noticed when I moved out.
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