Excuses To Not Blame The Parents!

Canada
January 30, 2007 4:54pm CST
I am really sick of listening to people everywhere saying that our children's games, tv selections, and music are responsible for them turning out to go down that wrong path. What happened to taking hold of your child(ren) and bringing them up properly, and taking the blame for what your child does to an extent. I'm not saying that ALL parents are responsible for those kids out there that are constantly in trouble with the law, but some are. And those are the ones that will blame Marilyn Manson for thwarting a child's mind! Oh now come on! Marilyn Manson doesn't say, I am GOD you must listen to ME and only ME! What is your opinion on those people that refuse to step up and say that they might've done something wrong and instead blame it on others?
15 people like this
43 responses
• United States
30 Jan 07
As you said its the parents job not to let them listen to Marilyn Manson. I am a parent but my kids are not yet that age. Thank god. But my point is is not the games or the music or websites, it is the parent who let them listen,play, and watch those things. I think parents should be censoring what there kids are exposed to.
6 people like this
• Canada
31 Jan 07
Thanks so much for responding. Great response.
4 people like this
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
30 Jan 07
It gets on my nerves too, although I've probably done it before. But, with small things, not big ones. I think parents need to open their eyes and realize that what they do, and how they live, and what kind of enviroments they put their kids into has a HUGE impact on how their children act. If more parents realized that and CARED, this world would be a lot better place!
• Canada
31 Jan 07
I also think that in some cases, the parent(s) being more dedicated to their jobs etc. has something to do with how a child views the world around her/him....parental love and guidance is so important.
4 people like this
• Canada
31 Jan 07
I would just like to add an after thought to my comment about parents involved with their jobs...I did not mean this to insult those that HAVE to work double shifts, or two or more jobs just to make ends meet. I mean those people who don't need the money, but just don't want to go home to be a parent. Thanks all.
3 people like this
@Sissygrl (10912)
• Canada
30 Jan 07
I'm not sure that i agree or disagree. i think its a little of both, lax parenting, and i guess letting your kids watch/listen/play things that are not appropriete for their age. So i guess even if marilyn manson is to "blame" for someones child bad behaviour, technically its still the parents fault for letting the child listen to the music.
4 people like this
• Canada
31 Jan 07
Cheers to that sissygrl. Also, it is a parents job to tell the child the difference between reality and what they see around them. But what p*sses me off is that there is no one out there ranting about the Bugs Bunny show...Wile E Coyote gets more abused in 10 minutes than what anyone could possibly convey in any music..and we think nothing of it because it's only 'a cartoon'..but to a child that isn't told better, who knows?
3 people like this
• Canada
31 Jan 07
I agree with you ... too many parents are uninvolved with their kids and don't take responsibilty for teaching them values and appropriate behaviour. There is a lot of nasty stuff in the media .. and I think that thought it is impossible to avoid, it is vital to talk about it with your kids and talk about how it is right or wrong. And yes - the off switch on the movies and games is always a good option.
3 people like this
• Canada
31 Jan 07
It is impossible to avoid, but we do need to inform our children of what we consider to be acceptable behaviour.
1 person likes this
@carlaabt (3504)
• United States
31 Jan 07
I don't think it's really the parents' fault in most cases. Parents are told to raise their kids to become beneficial to society, but to do it without disciplining their kids. Kids are taught at a very young age that if they don't like what their parents are doing, they can call the authorities are get their parents in trouble. Kids are taught that nothing is their fault. I agree that there are a lot of parents that don't even try to parent their children. But there are a lot that do try, too. They just don't know how. It's hard to decide what form of discipline to use, especially when you are afraid you might get turned in for it. I know a guy who got his kids taken away from him just because his daughter said he was neglecting them. She said this because he refused to give her money for school lunch and packed her lunch instead. She threw her lunch in the trash on the way to school everyday and tehn told her teachers that he said she didn't deserve to eat. The other three kids all told the authorities that she was lying and that she was just mad because they couldn't afford school lunch because their dad had just lost his job. But he still had his kids taken away over that for about a month. And when they found out that she lied about it, what happened to his 13 year old daughter? Nothing. I think the blame lies in the children themselves. And all the rules we have about how we can parent our children. Kids need to face the consequences of their actions themselves. Parents can't teach them that if the laws don't allow it.
• Canada
31 Jan 07
Great response. Very insightful...you make excellent points. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. :)
• Canada
31 Jan 07
This is somewhat one of my favorite subject to chat about. I've come across this topic so many times it's almost scary to see this out here. When it has been said that "It starts from within the home", they weren't kidding! It does start from within the home, from what you say, wear, do. We have to remember that children learn by example.. good or bad! They don't even have to look in direction to pick up negative things like bad language etc. They could have their back to you, and still pick it up. I'm certain you remember when you were younger, there might have been times when you didn't give your undivided attention to your parents when they were telling you something of importance but, somehow later in your life.. you have come to know that what they have said before you became an adult, somehow the knowledge they gave you, oh so long ago. That knowledge somehow ended up in the back of your mind.
3 people like this
@pagli84 (1850)
• Netherlands
31 Jan 07
i completely agree with you. im tired of hearing that same crap too. if you raise your children well and discipline them correctly and teach them good things, then they most likely wont turn out to be bad people or do bad things! of course, im stereotyping in a way, but i think its true in most cases. if for some reason your child starts to show bad behavior and attitude, then you should do something about it before it gets too late. some parents just let their kids do whatever they want by looking the other way.
2 people like this
@stella1989 (2274)
• India
31 Jan 07
ahh ..somebody came up with this topic atlast i thought im the only one on this earth who thinks this way.! you are absolutely correct girl,according to me almost 90 percent of parents are busy with their own buisness (i must say with their jobs they can't help it.!)but there is at lot of carelessnes in todays atmosphere they run form there responsibilites and hide there carelessness under there already peverted child(ren)..!! coz morality of children depends on their parents itself.!
2 people like this
31 Jan 07
Whatever happened to parents knowing what their kids are doing? Things kind of went pie shaped when both parents had to work. It was different when I was growing up. Mother stayed home with the kids. She knew everything that we did or didn't do. Parents need to take responsibility for their kids. Kids watch the parents. If they hear them swearing, then they will to. The state the kids are in today has a lot to do with the lack of discipline. Government doesn't allow parents or teachers the right to discipline. It was so much easier when I was growing up. We knew right from wrong. If we did something that was wrong, we go smacked and didn't do it again. We respected our elders,nowadays kids do not.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Jan 07
I agree with you to a point. But I don't agree with the heating portion. I don't think anything gets accomplished except maybe fear when hitting is involved. I think there are lots of other ways to disicpline a child without hitting or verbally degrading the child. I don't have children but I have babysat and babysat family and successfully found ways to disciplining them with out spankings. I think that children are more worried about disappointing parents/role models than we realize.
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
31 Jan 07
Actually that is one bitter truth that parent's cannot face. One must understand that parent or no parent we all are human beings and that we can all make mistakes. Sometimes the children may end up getting involved with the law and no parent would say that its because of me, I had to see this day. But then again parenting is such a vast subject and there are a lot of trials and errors on the way but no one can become the ultimate parent. Give a child too much and he/she will get spoiled, Inflict torture on a child and one day he/she becomes an avenger. Do a bit of both and still the results don't turn out to be right. I am still single and frankly I'm not getting married for atleast 4 years and the day I'm wrong in raising my child, I know it will hurt but I won't be ashamed to admit it. We all make mistakes.
1 person likes this
• Canada
31 Jan 07
I know for myself, if my children ever cross over to the wrong side, I will definitely be asking myself what I did wrong, and I won't be saying, oh well they listen to this music, or watch these shows. My children are taught day in and out about how they are supposed to be individuals, and that they are leaders in life, not followers so hopefully that will remain intact when peer pressure really starts. I can only teach them so much yes, and if they do happen to cross over, I will definitely feel like the one to blame.
@lifeiseasy (2292)
• United States
31 Jan 07
Well if its the tv,music and games they do have on and off switches , turn them off ,do not allow your child to watch them ...yes kids now want to find blame with everyone but themselves...its all very sad
• United States
31 Jan 07
I think you are right. There are bad influences in tv and music and such but thats why we are supposed to pay atention to what our kids are doing. I dont allow my children to watch voilent tv, hang around bad people or participate in things that lead to bad behavior. We as parents have to be there to teach our children right from wrong so that they may one day make the right descision for themselfs.
2 people like this
1 Feb 07
You right. Some parents could do more, most try and some are doing right. children can't help but do silly things, some become selfish and other become good eggs. Really it's life and people should actaully quit passing the blame and find out more about themselfs before saying a video game which as violent parts is the key reason and parents who allow there children to play games of this nature are wrong then uno. (they are too) ~Joey
• Canada
1 Feb 07
Thanks so much for responding. Great opinions :)
@silkyt34 (324)
• United States
31 Jan 07
i believe that most parents are responsible for their childrens actions. but a parent can't be with their child 24/7. I think its easier to blame the music, video games, an marilyn manson then it is to try to talk to your child now days. I have two daughters 17 & 19 they both live at home and I know for a fact how hard it is to talk to them.thankfully my children are pretty ok compared to some of the youth today my oldest has gotten a speeding ticket thats the extent of any trouble she has ever been in. my youngest is focused on school and friends.but when i talkto my girls i tell them if you do this then this is going to happen, can you live with that. usually they agree and dont do it. its all about communication with your child. dont be afraid of your kids, they are going to sigh and roll their eyes and give some lame excuse why they dont want to talk, remeber you brought them into the world now they are YOUR responcibility
1 person likes this
• Canada
31 Jan 07
Thank you so much. I am very open and honest with my children. My oldest is questioning facts of womanhood, etc. and I don't shy away from it. I always say, ok, well I don't want you to feel embarrassed, we're just talking about it, and then tell her the answers that she needs to know at this point. Just last night we had the whole 'period' talk AGAIN! She asked many questions and I gave her straight answers, so I hope this follows her in life and she feels like she can talk to me.
• United States
1 Feb 07
This is an interesting post. I think that most people in general, not all, must blame something or someone for the children when they go wrong. In my opinion it is a lot of factors, not just one. Good parents can have bad kids, and vise versa. Bad music and games may affect one, and not another. It is the environment and the genes.
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
1 Feb 07
I have the opposite problem I blame myself for everything that has gone wrong with my kids. I know that I shouldn't and I am starting to get better. I raised my kids while dealing with bipolar. I still stayed involved in their lives as much as I could. My older two where in Air Cadets and I became an instructor just so I could stay in touch with what is going on. As they get older, they have to make their own choices and they can blame me or other people can blame me but I think I did the best I could. I know a family who has one daughter is a teacher, the other is in medical school and the 16 year old is in constant trouble. I don't think they did anything different with the girls.
1 person likes this
• Egypt
1 Feb 07
The parents must be appreciated, not be blamed!!!.
1 person likes this
@nypage (157)
• United States
1 Feb 07
This has always annoyed the you know what out of me. Maybe those parents should've known what their kids were listening to in the first place if they don't appreciate it (ie: Don't deny that your child listens to marilyn manson and then go on to blame him when you kids does something wrong). While some kids have psychological issues, most can decipher what is reality and right from wrong.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Jan 07
I agree with you. And I think to an extent, it has become that these are just easy outs for parents. If the music, movies and video games are to blame... let me ask a question? WHY are the kids allowed, by their parents, to continue to listen, watch and play?????
1 person likes this
31 Jan 07
I thing this country allows us to take less and less responsibility for ourselves and the same goes for our children. I think parents need to reaslise that everything they do does impact on their kids and they need to be better role models.
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
31 Jan 07
yup. parents are the role models their kids look up to. kids usually learn from what their parents do.
1 person likes this