Are your stepchildren made to feel a part of your family?
@fieryeyedwriter (614)
United States
January 31, 2007 7:24am CST
My husband and I have been together for seven years. He has two children who we get regular every-other-weekend and holiday visitation with. As with my stepfamily when I was young, I have a wonderful family who has accepted these two children into the family as if they are blood. It didn't happen all at once, and for a few members of the family, it didn't happen until after my husband and I got married two and a half years ago. Still, they were never made to feel as if they didn't belong, and for the most part, my family always made them feel as though they had always been a part of the family. There is no favoritism played between the grandkids, and at Christmas time, they ALL get nice gifts. Birthdays and other holidays are the same. The Aunts and Uncles take my stepchildren places and do things with them; my parents pay them for good grades, just as they did with me and my sister. There is no outward appearance that would make anyone think that they are not blood relation.
Their stepfather's family, on the other hand, has made these kids feel as though they are not as good as the rest of the kids in the family. At Christmas time they were both very upset when his parents bought all the other grandchildren almost two hundred dollars worth of name brand clothes and then gave the two of them a $30 gift card to Meijer. The oldest child, my 14 year old stepdaughter, explained to me that it makes her feel uncomfortable and unwanted, as if she is not at all a part of the family.
Personally, I don't understand why their mother or stepfather has allowed this kind of treatment from his family. It makes no sense to me as to why they are treated differently; is there something to blame them for? Did they ask for their parents to not be together, for their parent to remarry into that particular family? It is something I absolutely would not put up with. I would rather not go to family functions than to take the kids and have them feel disconnected in any way.
How do your families treat your stepchildren? Are they just mixed in with the other children in the family, no differences shown, or is there a significant difference in the way they are treated? How do you feel about it? If they are treated in a manner which shows or tells them that they are not a part of the family, how have you dealt with the situation?
2 people like this
3 responses
@semak76 (187)
• United States
23 Apr 07
I think you and your family are treating them great, unfortunately not everyone is the same. The other family probably thinks that they're at least doing something for them and dont even realize how upset the kids are. I had dated a man for 4 years who had teenage kids already. It was difficult to incoorperate them into my life, but I did the best I could to always make them feel wanted and loved. They had never been close to their dad to start with, and over the years they actually became closer. Me and the man are no longer together, and his kids are all now young adults, some with kids of their own. I still stay in contact with them, and they know I am always there if they need me. The oldest still refers to me as her stepmom (even though we never married and arent even together anymore) Its not easy for everyone to let a kid who is not theirs, become that much a part of their life.
1 person likes this
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
3 Jun 07
it is good of you to have done that. we really have to exert some effort to make a difference in the lives of children whom we can adequately influence. when they get older, they will never forget the love and care that we shared with them.
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
3 Jun 07
i should say that stepchildren should she properly treated as one's own, too. it maybe difficult if the children are running to and fro two parted parents, but there must be a way of coping for the benefit of the young and the innocent ones.
@KissThis (3003)
• United States
23 Apr 07
My family opens their arms up wide to accept step children. They are treated just like all of the rest of the children. What you do for one child you must do for all children. My partners family is different. They aren't as accepting. Even though my partners children call my mom Grandma my children call his parents Mr. and Mrs. My family will buy his children gifts. His family doesn't do the same. My children haven't ever brought up how they are treated different by his family. I don't think to them that it really matters yet.
My sons are adopted. I have allowed their maternal grandmother to remain in their lives. I told her from the start that she would need to treat my daughter the same as she would treat my sons to be able to remain visiting the boys. For a while she did this and all of a sudden she started to leave my daughter out.I use to try to make it up to my daughter by buying her something along the same lines as what the boys got but it wasn't the same. Now my daughter gets upset whenever I tll the children that she is coming. A month or so ago I had a talk with he grandma to tell her that from now on I felt that it would be best that she not give any of the kids gifts.
