Helping My Father Start Dating Again

United States
January 31, 2007 7:43am CST
My father is 75 years old and alone. My mother passed away almost 20 years ago from cancer. He has dated 1 women pretty seriously many years ago but that ended badly on her part because she started stalking him and became very evil. He has had a few women in his life that are just friends. They use to keep him company and do things with him but now they have settled down with their own men and no longer have time for my dad. He is so lonely and I feel horrible for him. He always wanted to travel and said when he retired with my mom, they would do that. It nevered happened because of her death. He saved for so many years so he could do the fun things in life and now he has no one to do them with. He has such a huge heart and is a really giving person. I just want him to be happy! He's really active and goes to the gym every day but then he will come home and just play on the computer or write letters to family far away. He likes to go to plays and musicals and stage shows but often gets stuck taking my 90+ year old great aunt with him because he doesn't have anyone else to ask. Once in awhile he'll get lucky and ask a friend from the senior center in his city and they will go with him but that's not often. Do you have any ideas or suggestions on how I can help him to find someone to spend his time with and maybe the rest of his life with? He's pretty shy, to start with, so I think it might be hopeless. I once started an online dating profile for him and posted that I was his daughter looking for someone for my dad. I got alot of responses but everyone was too far away. What's the best way for a senior citizen to meet new women? He's very old fashioned and proper. So he's not into the whole "dating" scene. If there even is one for that age range.
4 people like this
26 responses
@soldenski (2504)
• United States
1 Feb 07
You did not mention where your father was living...maybe someone here has a "friend" HINT HINT lol. I think it is great that you want to help him find a companion. I think I would try a single's cruise, or see if your local retirement center has any activities that he is interested in. Hope you find him a friend, even if that's all they will ever be, atleast they won't be alone. GOOD luck
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 07
Southern California :) *hint hint* Thanks for the kind words!
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
1 Feb 07
I have a cousin that is in her 70,s and she goes to dance lessons,and there are quite a few ladies his age that go there,has he ever thought of taking dance lessons? Your father sounds like a really nice person,and I see ladies all the time ,senior that would love to meet someone,but don,t know where..it sounds like your dad does go to places to meet ladies ..I know there are trips that seniors go on and there is a lot of single ladies there..I know that they are out there because I see them all the time..I am a hair stylist and a lot of single woman around in his age group come in all the time and i always ask them if they are dating anyone and they tell me the same thing,cannot find anyone..I just can,t think of anywhere other than what i said and seems like your dad does go to the right places...I do hope he finds someone to go out with,if nothing else a good lady friend..Keep us posted,nd I do hope he finds someone..
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Feb 07
What are his interests ? Find places for him to go that he likes but may also meet someone . My aunt met someone at bingo and they ended up hooking up and are now married . Try going with him to some of the places he goes and maybe start a conversation with someone you might think might be good for your dad and then try and introduce them and see how it goes from there .
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 07
Thank you for the reply and ideas!
• China
1 Feb 07
I wish I could help, but I don't really know. All I really wanted to say is that you are so kind to help him like you are. I'm not sure if you are a church going person, but I know several elderly neighbors that met people in church groups. Or perhaps other groups that meet during the week? Not really sure. Hope you are able to find something that helps!
• United States
1 Feb 07
Thank you - seems that everyone is suggesting church as a good idea and I agree so I'm going to talk to him about settling down at one of the churches he's been going to and seeing if he can't get to know more of the members and other senior citizens. Thank you for your kind words too. :)
@sbeauty (5870)
• United States
31 Jan 07
The best places for finding proper senior ladies is in a church. Every church I've ever gone to has had a group of older ladies who had lost their husbands. My elderly neighbor lost his wife a few years back and was lost in grief for awhile. Then he moved to Missouri with his daughter, started going to her church, and I guess a whole new world opened up to him. There were senior activities and everything, and his daughter told me that he's having the time of his life.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 07
That's so wonderful about your old neighbor. I wish everyone could enjoy their life like that! Thank you for the suggestions and for replying :)
• India
31 Jan 07
So kind of you. Your father is very lucky to have a daughter like you but sincerly i could noy come up with the correct solution.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 07
Thank you for the sweet words :)
• United States
31 Jan 07
hi can we talk? cause.. my AUNT is sinle foor like 2 years from now... she's 62 she's very lovely and still pretty.. she's a designer.. and sometimes i feel that she's very lonely and im living with her.. i know she needs a man, sweet, who will be with her for the rest of her life..and i've read that your dad is nice..
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 07
Aww I'm sorry your aunt is lonely as well. I know it's hard watching someone we love living their lives alone and sad. Not saying that all single people are sad but some people are better in relationships and I know this. Is your aunt looking to meet someone? What state do you live in? You can send me a message anytime. Who knows, maybe they would like to email with each other (?) Good luck!
31 Jan 07
I would suggest that he joins some more clubs or does an evening class. Do you have the university of the third age where you live? It is for over 55's and has loads of different activities he could join in with and potentially meet other people.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 07
Thank you - I've never heard of The University of the Third Age .. I'll have to look it up and see what it's about and if there are any in our area. Sounds like fun!
@Journey (87)
• United States
31 Jan 07
Where does your father live? I'm in Alabama, maybe I can help in some small way. If he's near you, have him take a look at my profile. My passion is PEOPLE, that's why I'm 'networking' which in reality IS a people thing. We do it every day whenever we interact with another and I enjoy meeting new people and learning about their life, lifestyles, families, etc. Looking forward to your reply to this post, I hope my $.02 here was worth a lot more.
• United States
1 Feb 07
My father is in California. He lives an hour west of me. Thank you for your $.02 - I'll take everything I can get! :) Do you have a goal with your networking? Are you just looking to make alot of different friends around the world or are you seeking companionship as well? Just curious - I haven't looked at your profile yet.
@nelltx (277)
• United States
31 Jan 07
Wow, that is a tough question. You say that your dad goes to the gym and is a pretty active guy? Is there any singles groups in the area? There are some in my town, but they are attached to churches. Maybe you can start there. As long as your dad is out & about, you may never know when he will run into a "special" lady. He could meet someone at the store, gym, church, just about anywhere. Also, make sure that this is what HE wants. It may be that he is happy with the life that he has. It may just be that you precieve him as being lonely because you aren't able to spend as much time with him as you would like to.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Jan 07
Wow it sounds like your dad is a great guy and I know of several ways that he could meet people. You may want to check around and see if they may have some local mixers or parties where he could meet people with similar interests and talk and get to know them better. There also are support groups for people who have lost their spouses and this would be a good place for interaction with people who understand what he feels and losing a spouse. I am sure your dad has some hobbies and there could be places where people have the same hobby and they could talk and become friends. I hope this helps!
• United States
1 Feb 07
Thank you for all the wonderful suggestions. I think looking into a group for people who have lost their spouses could be a really good idea. He has never done that (that I know of) and it might help to know that someone else understands what he is going through or went through in the past. I'll be honest, I'm not so sure about the parties or local mixers idea but only because my dad is so very shy at first. Once he gets to know someone, then he opens up alot but otherwise, the lady is going to have to make the first move (sadly). Thank you again, I will look into some groups he can join that focus on people who have lost their spouses.
@Meljep (1668)
• United States
31 Jan 07
A church singles group might be a good place to meet other ladies who are not into the "dating" scene. He sounds like a great person. I wish him lots of luck!
• United States
1 Feb 07
Thank you for your kind words as well. I will suggest the church singles group. He use to attend church regularly and did meet his one other lady friend at church (the one who turned evil on him) - after that he decided to change churches to avoid her and has tried out many different ones but I do not think he has found a church "home" for himself just yet. I will encourage him to try to do that and maybe get involved with things within the church. This is a great idea, so again, I thank you!
@tw99384 (260)
• Jodhpur, India
31 Jan 07
Hats off to you!! Your father is very lucky to have you as his daughter. There are very few children who really care for their parents in this way. I don't have a way out but I do hope your father finds someone who will really care for him and love him.I'll pray for you.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 07
Thank you for your kind words - I'm so surprised at the outpouring of kindess towards me and my father with all of the responses being made. So many of you have brought tears to my eyes and made me realize that there are still good people in this world who care. I hope I can help him come out of his shell and try some new things, experience new places and meet new people in the process. Thank you again!
@smacksman (6074)
31 Jan 07
It sounds like your dad is a real catch for some lucky lady. It takes a lot of courage for a man to ask a lady out and we are the same as anybody that we don't like rejection. If you are shy as well (as I am) it makes it worse. He needs to get out into the 'market place' so maybe clubs, church, bingo, tea dances or even a sea cruise. In no time at all his charm and character will be noticed and you will have to help him fight the ladies off!!
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Jan 07
Thank you for your kind words. He does go to church, bingo and some things with the senior center in our city. They have lunch there for really cheap, play bingo, have coffee and go on small trips. He often joins them if he can find someone to be his partner on the trips. I hope you are right.. :)
@arwenrey (316)
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
Old people seldom go out nowadays but you can find some of them in the church or some religious events like holyweek and the like. Maybe you should encourage your father to engage in church activities its free and i think he can meet old maid ladies in there because the church is the sanctuary of old maids at least in my religion as catholic. Or if he like pets maybe you can give him a dog to walk him around the park. Just let your father go out to meet new people.
1 person likes this
• India
1 Feb 07
THIS IS GOOD SIGN FOR U & YOUR FATHER BECAUSE IF U LOVE OTHER GOD LOVE U. I PRAY YR FATHER LIVE LONG LIFE FOR ABOUT 110 YRS. ALSO FEEL YOUNG
@yogiraut (230)
• India
1 Feb 07
look for someone in the town itself. Which means he has to go to public places in the town like , church, club, social activities.....This will ensure he makes quality use of his time and may be if possible find a date. my best wishes for the same.
@Bangalorean (1282)
• India
1 Feb 07
Thats good of you, that you understand him and let him live his live. And this makes me recall the saying, that when a son is a young,father manages and when the father is old, son manages
1 person likes this
@raveena (1355)
• India
1 Feb 07
I don think I would be able to help you out with any suggestion but would like to say that your father is a really lucky guy to have a son like you during these times when the sons throw their parents out of the house for no fault of theirs.
1 person likes this
@stonehr (818)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
1 Feb 07
Take him to some clubs, church , or to the places where he can meet some lovely woman... He needs to walk around soo much time...
1 person likes this