whats a clingy boyfriend?

United States
January 31, 2007 8:08pm CST
i have a boyfriend that has a real hard time with me hanging out with friends, or even not calling him. when i cant take it anymore and explain a break, he goes crazy and threatens to tell my parents all the 'stuff' we did, yet he tells me that he only loves me and wants me all the time. how do you deal with it? i do love him he's very sweet, romantic, and thoughtful. But i really wanna explain to him that his clinginess, or whatever you may call it, is something i cant really handle. It gets real stressful and sometimes it makes me worry about what to say when i have thoughts and opinions. any ideas?
7 people like this
58 responses
@hogy86 (64)
• Indonesia
1 Feb 07
i think your boyfriend is the unique person,so to solve this problem you must more kindly,and fine to him. showed that you are very love to him,you can showed with more get talk or maybe more to do meeting,and don't forget to understand him if he don't have time to you,but you must know something. if you have done all of method to made you and him more closely don't success,i think you must can to forget him,because on the fact love is not always nice,emm i hope you can solve this problem quickly,for me hogy86
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Feb 07
wow i come back in a couple of days and a lot of great help. thanks so much guys =] i had a good conversation with him about how i felt because i understand i shouldn't bottle my feelings in fear. but now seems a lot better. well see what happens..
• United States
1 Feb 07
im not sure what stuff is but i have pretty good idea but next time he says that you need to tell him you already did or tell him to go ahead call his bluff and even if he does tell at least you can be done with him and he wont have anything to hold against you so you can stay with him take it from me you may think your parents dont know but 9 times out of 10 they do they are just waiting for you to open up about it to them and if they dont know eventually they will find out so just get it over with and get rid of the clinginess
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 07
well its not just threatening to tell whatever, sometimes it goes to a whole new level of pulling and grabbing. i know it sounds wrong, but i know all his other intentions are good. i just think he has a problem of being clingy and when i tell him that it just gets into a deeper argument
• Melbourne, Florida
1 Feb 07
Well, I don't have this problem. I want my boyfriend to hang out with me. We live together, but that doesn't change the fact that we genuinely enjoy each others company. If I do go do something without him I wish the whole time that he was there. So, I guess I'm not being much help to you. I guess the best thing you can do is assure him that just because you want some time away from him doesn't mean you love him any less. Help him find some friends that he can do things with when you go with your friends.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 07
i spend so much time with him. all my free time goes to him, and i haven't hung out with friends since we gotten even more serious
• Australia
1 Feb 07
Just tell him how you feel straight away and act sort of like you dont care about him any more or something like that. Sure, he threatens to tell your parents about stuff you did but so what? If he did tell, you can reconcile with your parents. But it is not healthy that you stay in this kind of relationship with him. Let him know that he needs to change, tell him that his behaviour is what drove you away from him and makes you dont love him as much anymore. A girl needs her freedom as well. And of course assure him that he change and not clingy anymore, you will stay with him and still love him. Hopefully that works out. Good luck.
@mchu519 (465)
• United States
1 Feb 07
Usually girls are like it when the guy spends a lot of time with her. I guess he over did it. I know a girl that has a boyfriend that is paranoid of her doing anything so what he did is he installed a keylogger program onto her computer to spy on her. Now she's scare to use her computer to do anything. She found about the keylogger program because I told her. Her boyfriend came up to her and ask questions in a threatening way. For example, "Why were you talking to that guy.". Also things like why are you doing that and ask those questions ask if she is the bad guy. Her boyfriend is so stupid, I feel like punching his brains out. She's also kind of afraid of him. Better end the relationship soon because its not going to work out unless he changes, but thats virtually impossible. If you want a break because of his actions and if he really loves you he would respect that and not do anything. It just that he is taking your for granted.
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Feb 07
i was in your shoes and what started off so good went really bad but after i moved in with him foolishly..my ex was always bringing me flowers, taking me out and when i wanted to go out with my friends he would make me feel guilty by saying i havent seen you all day and lay the guilt trip on me so i stopped going out with my friends and just invited them over. your guy may seem sweet but if he was really that sweet then he would have respect for you and let you have a life without him...tell him that as much as you love hanging with him and doing the 'stuff' you do together but sometimes you feel like you need to hang with your friends so you can tell them how awesome he is and how happy you are together..if he doesnt respect your wishes than maybe you should find another guy who will.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 07
When your in a relationship its not all about giving your entire self to the relationship. See we will forget who we are if we wrap ourselves around one person all the time. Encourage him to do things with his friends while you go out with yours. If your boyfriend loved you why would he get you in trouble with your parents. Your boyfriend feel in love with the person you are when you were dating before the realtionship got serious I asume. I am sure then that he didnt give you a problem with hanging out then, why now. If you two dont live together try and spend more time at home make excuses that you have to do stuff with your mom cause she asked you. He needs to handle himself as a man and know you arent a slave you have to be there for him all the time. You make hime seem like a nice guy but it is unhealth when you cant hang with your friends because of him. Thats not cool. Later SisterLove
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 07
"whats a clingy boyfriend?" I think you just answered your own question. Just sit him down and tell him how you feel. If he must go tell what you two have been up to, then let him, then if it's bad leave him. Sounds to me like you might be able to do better and have a better relationship with someone else. I wish you luck.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 07
It sounds to me like your boyfriend isn't clingy but jealous. He doesn't want you hanging out with friends because maybe he thinks you might cheat. And not calling him makes him feel insecure. I suggest you talk to him about because his jealously may break you two up if he doesn't learn how to control it!
@morocz66 (121)
• Romania
1 Feb 07
you should threaten to leave him.. and dont worry about your parents he wont tell them anything.
1 person likes this
@cultoffury (1283)
• India
1 Feb 07
I think there are more than one solution for this. Usually girl friends show this kind of cliginess, ironically in your case it's vice-versa. What he's doing is called "emotional blackmailing", may be that's because of the possesiveness onto you. But you can answer in the same coin, if he blackmails, you could tell him, if you tell it to my parents, you would never ever see me, and it's done for ever. That should stop him, after all, fear is what makes blackmailing successful, if respond strongly with without showing panic, he could fall in, but this might hurt him. If he is very sensitive. Another option is to make him understand the reality and tell him you love him, but you need freedom and make him understand his fault. But success of this depends upon the way you talk. If none of this works, I am afraid you need get the help of a pshychatrist. Hope i gave you a reasonable solution.
@cutepenguin (6448)
• Canada
1 Feb 07
I think this is a really bad sign. My friend had a boyfriend who was like this, and she nearly lost all of her friends. He didn't like her hanging around with us. You should be with someone who encourages you to have a full life, including friends and the ability to say most of what you think, not with someone who threatens you in order to make you do what they want.
1 person likes this
@bonbon664 (3470)
• Canada
1 Feb 07
You've really gave me some red flags. I don't want to be an alarmist, or say this will happen to you, but, this is how it begins. It starts off small, him complaining that you're not around enough, next, he says he doesn't want you going out without him. I just want to give you a friendly warning about this. My sister went out with a guy just like that, near the end, she wasn't going out without him at all. She wasn't allowed to have any friends. He monitored her phone calls. Please be careful of the signs of him becoming too controlling.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 07
having a boyfriend shouldnt be stressful, it should be fun and not a constant worry. keep in mind that this is the way he is and he wont change. asking a person to change how they are is like asking a tiger to change his stripes. You need time with your friends and he needs time with his. there was somoene in my life like this and i couldnt get rid of him for over a year. he wouldnt leave me alone, he'd come to my parents crying, come to my work, calling me at all hours, trying to find out who my friends were, driving by my house, etc. its called obsession and you should be very careful. it finally took me threatenting to call the cops (and i would have) to get him to leave me alone. if i was you, i'd get rid of him NOW before it gets too complicated later. becareful and good luck.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Feb 07
I have to agree with the other posters that are saying get out of the relationship! His behavior isn't healthy and you are in serious risk of being abused physically. I have seen many women friends over the years involved in simular situations, and it only gets worse, not better. You would benefit from talking with your parents about this. They can provide you with valuable support at a time when you need it the most. You may also benefit by calling a domestic violence center. They have a wealth of literature to help you understand the topic in depth and also provide you with stratagies to help get you back on track. Love isn't about control and your boyfriends clinginess isn't a sign of his devotion, its an indication that he has issues that could hurt you.
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
1 Feb 07
Why do you have a boyfriend in the first place if you don't want to hang with him or take time to call him? There comes a time in your relationship that you need to choose....do you want friends or a boyfriend. I'd be angry at you if you couldn't call me because you were busy with friends. Now as far as him threatening to tell your parents....whatever....now that's not cool. Sounds like he's holding that over you thinking it'll keep you both together. You need to choose what you want. If you want a boyfriend... have a boyfriend.....friends come 2nd to him not before him. If a night with the friends is that important to you then you need to tell him to go have a guys night. I'm telling you now that most relationships that do that don't last though. Just from what you've written it sounds like you want out of the relationship. If that's truly the case....end it and deal with whatever he's holding over your head. I'm sure your parents will understand your desire to end the relationship. Hey, you're not married..
1 person likes this
@rakinitin (686)
• Canada
1 Feb 07
'WARNING SIGNALS' Sounds like he is insecure, immature, and domineering. Get out while you can. He first threatens you then tells you he loves you. What if he is capable of physical abuse and tells you he loves you afterward? Will you still stay with him? What he is doing IS a form of abuse (mental).
• United States
1 Feb 07
i don't know. it's so hard for me. Every time i call it quits, something always happens where he becomes sweet and asks for chances and i become foolish. It's complicating. He buys me a lot...lunch, gifts, etc. Yet theres moments where I feel so lost because I go to school and I have no more friends. Everyone feels i ditched them for him. I really don't know. I really just want to tell him how i feel and see if he changes.
@maryannemax (12170)
• Sweden
1 Feb 07
to pammerz, honestly, i had been there before. and i always feel guilty whenever he says that he'll do something bad about hisself if i will break up with him. but later on, i realized that it's his life. not mine and i have my own life to take care of as well. and that i wanna make myself happy,too and with him, i can never be happy. to rakinitin, you are right, better get out of the relationship when it's still early. it's not right to threaten someone and then tell her i love you after. it's not love at all.
1 person likes this
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
1 Feb 07
those things he buys to you mean nothing without respect towards your choices and personality, id leave him while i could
@jai4life (26)
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
if you really love him, you will accept him for all he is, with all his faults and mistakes.. you can talk to him about it, but breaking up is not the answer if you really love him.. and if he really loves you, he'll understand
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
1 Feb 07
I agree with Wonderlander....control has nothing to do with love. Some men and women do it and it sucks....nobody who loves you and is mentaly sane should black mail youlike that.
• United States
25 Apr 07
no no this is bad/ he may seem sweet and romantic but all that will change/ drop him as soon as possible/ find the right guy for you/ this one does not sound very smart/ why would he tell your parents about you and his personal relationship when all you want to do is hang out with your friends/?
• Bermuda
1 Feb 07
Well, jelliousy is diffently a part of the problem. And it can get worse and it might not, but it can be a big problem!