parenting + sides and bad ones.
@joey_matthews (8354)
January 31, 2007 9:01pm CST
I'd like to start a discussion with parents. (especially younger parents)
I've just read a topic where a member "stated" that young people arent smart enough or wise enough to make good parents (basicly).. i think this is wrong.
Plus share you plus sides to having a child and the minus/down sides. (please be open and honest)
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I'm 19.
I wanted to be a young parent and so did my wife, we've lost baby's. when i was 16 we found out she was pregant, i'll tell the truth we wasn't ready and i would of been able to cope but my wife family suffers from high blood pressure. (also theys stressed her out and did stuff)
from that point we started to think about it and ended up trying again. (this time we went further but still lost the baby) chloe - still born.. this killed me, the feeling of losing something you'll never see can bring anyone tears even those who don't have feelings. (believe me)
Now i'm proud parent. (my son's 8 months old) a lovely name "jake adam"
The plus sides to being a parent for me.
* i knew i was ready to be a dad
* holding my son for the first time
* watching do his first windy smile
* watching him grow and learn more as he grows.
* staying up late trying to see if he's okay because he's making funny noises. (i scare easy) - with reason of course.
Downside.
* Because we're young sometimes we get treated different
* some people pass judgement just because they see jake crying. (this doesn't make a bad parent)
* watching jake cry because he wants someone who to busy to bother spending five minutes away from his desktop pc.
* when he's hurt.
Okay these are mushy but basicly they are my up and down sides to being a parent. (i've even registered my site as) p&a (jake. inc) lol
~Joey
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I don't except replys but i will reply to each and every post inside here. (because i would like to speak with other parents who are proud) =)
6 people like this
35 responses
@kesfylstra (1868)
• United States
1 Feb 07
It's so neat to see a man who is proud to be a little mushy about his child.
My husband and I were 23 when we had our child. While this may not seem quite as young, in a culture where people are getting married in their 30s more and more, and living it up in their 20s, we do kind of stick out. But let me tell you, I don't understand how older people have the energy to aptly take care of a baby! I'm young, and she wears me out. Parenting has nothing to do with age, it has to do with attitude and commitment. You obviously have both, abundantly, so just hug your son, and ignore everyone else.
Here is a wonderful article I just read about this very issue! http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/126888/i_was_a_teen_mother_abandoning_stereotypes.html
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
1 Feb 07
I'm abit over the top it comes to being mushy.
This is because i love the little bugger so much, he brings a great joy to my life and although he's only 8 months old he has played a major part in my life. i've opened up and allowed people to get close, which has helped the way i see my life.. (i ramble to much aswell)
I agree with your comments. it is about the parents attitude and commitment! thank you for the kind comments =)
~Joey
P.s i'm just started to read the article you posted. (i need a spell checker!)
1 person likes this
@xXmeganxX (4421)
•
1 Feb 07
hi there, well i just read that yes this is not right! when i become pregnant, i was only 17 and a half when i had my daughter, i really didn't have a clue about parenting and alot of other things, i had a major issue where people thought that i wouldn't be able to cope either, but i finally showed that i could, it is hard don't get me wrong but it can be easy and an anjoyable experience, my daughter is now nearly 2 and so far i have even had a certificate from someone who works closely with me from our goverment to say im a good parent, i got a parent of the year award 2006. ao i do see myself as a good parent now and i wouldn't change this for nobody! so not all young parents can be like that! :O)
2 people like this
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
1 Feb 07
Hi megan =)
Thanks for sharing this. it's great to a young parent leaving a comment, alot of parents need to learn things which is the fun part of being a parent. again i agree =)
Kudos for showing people. (i personally dislike when people shoot off without facts. so i admire you for sticking to it and being a good parent by doing it yourself.) =)
~Joey
P.s congrats on the awards + certificate. =)
@4monsters4me (2569)
• United States
1 Feb 07
I think that is silly to say young parents aren't good parents. Every person, young or old, has the potential to be a good parent or a bad one. It just depends on the person. My best friend was 17 when she had her daughter and she is the best mother I know. I so look up to her and she is 5 years younger then me. My oldest daughter is exactly 1 year and 1 day younger then hers and they are best friends. I wish I could be more like her.
On the other hand, my husband's niece was 18 when she had her first child (which she had on purpose) and couldn't deal with it. She wanted a baby for all the wrong reasons and is now 22 with 2 kids (almost 4 and 2 1/2) and neither live with her anymore because she said it was too hard. Like you just get to give up when it gets too hard.
I was 23 1/2 when my oldest was born. I was 24, 25 and 29 when the others were born. The good things about having kids is they keep you young at heart (I get to watch a lot of Nick Jr and Noggin). They can always cheer you up with their smiles and laughs. I have a reason to get up in the morning (whether I want to or not).
The bad things seem to be more prominent when I get really depressed--I never, ever have time to myself. I am constantly picking up after people and I feel more like a maid most days. There are always people under my feet and in my way and climbing all over me which drives me nuts. And it is always, always noisy in the house which gives me a headache.
1 person likes this
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
1 Feb 07
Bless. =)
Yup it's down to the individual at the moment in time. your friends sounds like a great parent which is always something that makes myself happy to see/read. (sadly where i live you see more parents who can't cope and act rather bad)
it's sad thing to hear about your husbands niece. i know people who have had children for wrong reasons too, a friends partner doesn't want to work so she used getting pregnant as a way to claim money. (they split up and she sucks him dry while she doesn't allow him to see the kid) he's moved back here and things like this make me feel luckly.
hehe. yeah they sure can! my son screams the place down if the person who's feeding him doesn't do it fast enough. very cute to see =)
i'm sorry to hear you get depressed. i'll probably be the same when i get back we finally get our own house. (my son likes noise too)
kudos!
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
1 Feb 07
I believe and think i am too. =)
Kudos! it's the greatest thing is this weird but wonderful world. being a parent beats anything i can think of which i have enjoyed.
~Joey
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
1 Feb 07
I believe and think i am too. =)
Kudos! it's the greatest thing is this weird but wonderful world. being a parent beats anything i can think of which i have enjoyed.
~Joey
@chaygylmommy (2470)
• United States
1 Feb 07
I think you sound like a great parent! Yes, 19 is young to be so responsible for another life...HOWEVER, the reason I say that is because most 19 year olds are selfish and immature. They want to party and use their money for themselves or they are in college and trying to work and go to school and throwing in a kid can be hard. I am not saying that is bad...this is the "normal" way, I believe. I know that at 19 I was not ready for parenthood.
There are people who are ready, though and you sound like you may be one of them.
I became a parent late in life, but that was not my choice. I couldn't get pregnant...tried and tried from 23 yrs old and on. I finally got pregnant after we gave up at 31. I think that I am a better parent now than I would have been at 23. But that is me.
I believe that everyone is different and some people mature a lot sooner than others. Some people are more grounded and know what the important things in life are.
Good for you and your wife being such great parents at such a young age!
Sounds like your son will grow up to be a great person.
@chaygylmommy (2470)
• United States
2 Feb 07
yeah, my son turned 5 a few days ago and this was the hardest bday for me with him. I guess it's more of a "milestone" bday. ya know? It was so hard and I was (and am) a bit sad, but then again I see this little baby growing up into a young boy and then a kid and then to a man one day. It is fun and exciting.
You seem like a great person.
Oh, and sorry for my rambling in my last comment...I was trying to help my son at the same time I was writing. LOL
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
1 Feb 07
Honestly i try to be a good parent. (it's nice to be respected as a parent) i'm looking forward to being a gandfather but i won't wish this any faster. :P
I know what your saying. (i think we spend more money on jake then ourself) we don't spoil jake but we don't waste it. thanks for sharing your views openly and of course your story. =)
hehe.. if i could wish he didn't grow (i'd keep him as a baby) but then again i'd miss watching him grow as he does leap and bounds towards trying to run away. *i mean walk* =)
~Joey
1 person likes this
@WesAngelBaby (125)
• United States
2 Feb 07
They're totally wrong. I have a friend who had a baby when she was 14 years old. The babies father was not around and she has raised this child to be a young boy right now. He is now 5years old she has graduated high school and works full time to support her kid with no help from the father what so ever. She is far from stupid and Far from a bad mother. I am 20 years old and just gave birth to a baby girl and I am far from a bad mother. I know I am a Wonderful mother and I will not let anyone else tell me other wise. My Child gets everything and anything she wants and she is very much so spoiled and I am very Happy to say this. She is an Infant and there is no such thing as spoiling a baby so she gets everything she wants!! Being a Young Parent does not mean you are any means stupid or incappable of raising a child. Any Parent can be a bad parent. Why do you think you hear about 30 n 40 year old parents who kill there babies, THEY'RE HORRIBLE PEOPLE AND PARENTS!!!
@joey_matthews (8354)
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2 Feb 07
Yes they are wrong.
14's a very young age and it's cool to see that your friend managed to bring up her child without the father. (fathers or mothers who won't hang around really will live to regret it someday)
Indeed they are WAB =)
Kudos!
~Joey
@Juliephine (286)
• United States
1 Feb 07
Well, Joey, I would like to congratulate you first off. It's not easy to even discuss the hardships you have endured. I think it may have been best that you didn't have a child at 16. However, it doesn't mean that young people are not good parents. It sounds as though you love your son and your beloved. The best thing you can do for your kid and yourselves is to continue "dating" each other and being proud of your kid. I can only speak for my spouse and myself when I say, the awe of watching them just grows. Our daughter is now going to be a teenager and our son, 5. I agree with your statement that many young parents are looked down upon and that's unfortunate. Both of you keep your chin up and feel good about being parents, don't ever let someone else's opinion effect what you think of yourself. Best of everything to you!
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
1 Feb 07
Hi Juliephine =)
I agree but still i would of liked the chance to show that i could of been as good as a father i am now. =)
We'll we're married and very much in love. we spend every second of every day together, it's not often we leave each others side. unless one of us are busy taking care of things =)
thanks, i will keep my chin up. =)
~Joey
@vekyengineer (1079)
• India
1 Feb 07
May be that cannot be said with 100% that all are wrong on parenting. If they have good idea of developing their child then they are the good parents to their child. Surely i will be a good father to my child.
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
1 Feb 07
Most people have level of being a good parent. those who act bad just forget whats important.
You probably will be buddy =)
~Joey
@stailgate (2363)
• United States
1 Feb 07
It is so nice to see such a great posting like this. I just wanted to say that first. Second, I do think that you are right, that people do look at you different. My boyfriend at the time and I found out we were especting when I just turned 17. I was in 11th grade, and he was a senior. I had my daughter when I just got into my last year, and right after married my boyfriend. I had allot of bad vibes from people about being a parent so young, and getting married, that basically my whole life was destroyed ect. But was could not be happier. My daughter is 9 now, and i also have a 4 year old son, and I am still married, and living my dream life. We are very good parents. I know that some people have the idea that young people just want to party, and have fun, and just think of themselves, but that is not true. There is a fair share of people out there that are like that, but there are people in their 30's and older that are the same. Being a parent comes more natural for some then others. I am happy for you that you and your partner sucessfully started your family. Don't worry what others think, just raise your child the best you can, after all, no child is born with a instruction booklet no matter how old their parents are!! :)
@joey_matthews (8354)
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2 Feb 07
Thank you stailgate. it is very good to that this discussion isn't one of those which turn short and then die but continue. i really am enjoying reading all the comments posted in this discussion.
no booklet (this would be useful) if people listen to family and friends. then they can work without one.
Kudos!
~joey
@ethanmama (1745)
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
The plus sides:
+ toothless smiles evolving into toothy grins
+ "mama" in that sweet sweet voice
+ somebody to play with
+ reminds me about what's REALLY important about life
+ makes me appreciates life more
+ somebody to mold
+ somebody who loves me with all his little heart, unconditionally
+ somebody I love with all my heart, unconditionally
+ made my marriage stronger
The minus sides
- can't go out for long
- can't do other things for long
- worrying about him sometimes
- added expenses
Hmmmm, it's very easy for me to think of the positive sides, hard to think of the negatives :). What I can say, I think my little boy is the best thing that happened to me!
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
2 Feb 07
lol.
alot of your +'s a very nice ones. when i got married i felt no difference until my son came, i felt closer to my wife and saw more important things. (also stopped people from wasting my time. like untrue friends who only hung around to borrow or find answers for there trouble)
nice message! thanks for sharing it =)
~Joey
@momokoseiya (453)
• United States
1 Feb 07
You bring up an excellent point here. I think that people are way too judgemental about young parents. People look at you, see a young face, and they automatically pin you as a terrible parent. Society thinks that anyone under the age of 30 isn't responsible. That couldn't be farther from the truth.
Some people are ready to be parents at 16. Some at 26. Some at 36. It all depends on the individual. For example, I had my son when I was 22 and I was ready. His father, who was 28, was not. We wound up splitting and he doesn't see his son at all. You are almost ten years younger than him and are a more responsible parent.
Good luck to you and your family!
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
1 Feb 07
Something i've noticed is that most older people (late age) 70+ seem not to judge people. people mind 20's on buses act stuck up and those in between act like we're robbers etc. personally i don't judge what i don't know, i can't pass judgement either unless i see a parent smack a child without reason.
thank momokoseiya =)
@stirringthepot (49)
• United States
1 Feb 07
First of all congratulations.
For me I've always known I wanted to be a father. I was 30yo when our daughter was born, and I'm glad I waited I still had a lot of growing to do. A few of my friends from High School had babies within a year or two of graduation, and they divorced shortly after. There is a lot of stress that follows becoming an adult, new found freedom, more responsibility, and sometimes it feels like the would is against you. Having a child so soon can just compound that stress.
My wife's sister got married right out of High School and started having children right away she knew in her heart that she wanted a family, and she was lucky enough to find someone else who shared her desire. They now have three beautiful children and a happy family, they too were judged but kept their goals in sight.
You sound like you have a healthy mind set and a warm heart. If you want there are links at my blog that have some good reading materials written by proud parents, you can find the address in my profile.
Good luck and enjoy every minute.
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
1 Feb 07
Hi strringthepot. =)
Thanks for the kind comments + sharing your story and views. sure, it nice to read what proud parents have to say so i'll go check it out. (cheers for mentioning it) =)
~Joey
@iacarumba (3)
• Canada
1 Feb 07
hey Jake, I am pretty new to this whole mylot but not to parenting. I had my first child when I was 18 (and on my own). Never thought about being ready as never planned. Anyway my first born is now 26 and the one thing I do know is that we have a really great relationship and she is a fantastic person. The one thing that I often thought when I was going through the most difficult times (teenage years) was that ... I am to young for all of this! .. on the other hand .. being younger I could still relate and remember how I thought and what was important to me at that age.
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
1 Feb 07
Welcome iacarumba =)
yup you learn whats important when you have a kid. well it shows you more than what you knew/thought. for us it's pretty much being a close family, this is important jakes happyiness is more important than my own and i wll always put him first. (well behind a certain little cutie who doesn't have all the love jake does but still a fair amount)
~Joey
P.s this goes for any more we may have or not. =)
@flagbabygirl (891)
• United States
1 Feb 07
I was a parent at 18 of my daughter who is now 12! I was an amazing parent for a young girl that I was at the time. I happen to know alot of people that are really crappy parents and they are older, have better fianances, are more stable within their homes, jobs etc! It doesn't matter if you are ready hen you are ready and all you can do is your best. My daughter and I are so close and she says I am more understanding than most mothers.... Maybe it's because I was young when I had her! Good luck and enjoy, and don't let anyone tell you what kind of parent you'll be
@joey_matthews (8354)
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2 Feb 07
Yeah it's the same here. it's quite common where i live to see very bad parents. (from young to old) most i see that are really mean are older, some younger ones act slightly dumb when it comes to there childrens safety.
another true comment. sometimes the best isn't good enough but if people put into it like so many in this topic did they enjoy being a parent. (bus trips. to many selfish parents moaning at there kids to shut up because they want to play)
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
1 Feb 07
Joey,
I think it's wonderful to hear how proud you are to have a little boy. My husband and I decided we wanted children young as well, I was 21 when we had our first and just barely 24 when we had our second. I am sure we get looks from people when we go out, they must think we are irresposible but I don't care. I love being a young mother, I think it's wonderful. I know it's not for everyone, and alot of people would much rather wait until they are in thier late twenties or even as late as fourty. I think some of the best advantages is that when our children are in their 20's we will still be in our 40's..My parents are not even 50 years old yet, and will have a long time to spend with thier grandparents. Good post, and don't worry about what other people think, the only opinion that matters, is your own!
@joey_matthews (8354)
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1 Feb 07
=)
I didn't think things would happen so fast myself but as soon as i met my wife i knew i wanted to be with her and after that things just fell into place. It's good to see alot of positive parents who we're young when they become parents (such as yourself) and many inside this discussion. being able to spend more time with those who we love is life, one of the best things side from other important parts.
Thanks for joining in =)
~Joey
P.s Sometimes i'm not but your right. working on this :D
@anniegurl (66)
• Philippines
1 Feb 07
Im 23 and I have a 4 year old child. i dont think young people cannot be good parents,it really depends on the person. If you spend more time with your friends or partying how can you be a good parent right? I can say im doing a good job as a parent but Im not saying that im the best parent I still have so much things to learn.
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
1 Feb 07
alot of parents still need to learn.
(which i'm very much looking forward to) i doubt anyone could claim to be the best parents unless they said "among the best" hehe.
My friends gf always leave her baby boy with people she hardly knows while (my friend works) and she goes spending his money, what i'm trying to say here (these types) can't really be proud unless they take care of the child and treat 'em well.
Thnaks!
~Joey
@hotmamma_05 (183)
• United States
1 Feb 07
I am a proud parent I am only 17 and my son is 7 weeks old now.
*he's my biggest joy in life
*he means the world to me
*he makes me achieve every goal I have in mind.
I too get up everytime he makes noises. I also keep the blanket away from his face because I'm so scared of him suffercating and at night I swaddle him so that he's pinned down.-It makes me feel alot better. No matter how much people try to put me down about how young I am I bounce back and it will never change the love that I have for him, except male me love him more than I already do. I wrote a discussion about teen parenting and I got some really nasty responses, it didn't break me I just wrote them back with a piece of my mind and then went on about my business. All it did was make me more determined to do what I gotta do in life and say f*ck the ones who judged me when they really should've been judging themselves.
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
1 Feb 07
Aww. (i'm taking it for granted your display pic is your little one) he looks a lively and really joyfull =)
someone people can't help but talk out of there bottom and think there "opinion" is the truth.
@iamiramadnama (421)
• Canada
1 Feb 07
I'm a proud young parent, and I don't think age has anything to do with it. I'm alert, I'm responsible, I play with my children, I take care of them better than myself. They always have food, they're always clean (well, almost always.. you know how it is) , they're well provided for, and I love them more than anything in the world.. I know older parents who can't say the same thing. It's not age.. it's the place you're in and who you are that makes you a good or a bad parent.
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
1 Feb 07
also the frame of mind but i won't go there. =)
thanks for sharing your views.
~Joey
P.s yup it's hard keeping little hands clean. ;)
@k4own07 (6)
• Nigeria
1 Feb 07
bros, enjoy your life to the fulliest.i have three children and the are all boys,am not tired of playing with them .am ayoung father and i love the sight of seeing grow up .i lost my parents at avery tender age.so i made my mind to shower them with affection.sometimes they got wounded while playing ,but as you said its part of growing up.
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
1 Feb 07
hey buddy.
your 3 boys are very lucky to have you as there parent. your partner must be wondering when a girl will come along :P (my familys mainly out numbering girls) :)
kudos.
~joey
