Spankings or TIMEOUT???? Which method do you find effective and why?

@CORDALE (868)
United States
October 10, 2006 9:35am CST
We all agree that children should be corrected when they are disobedient don't we? I want to know what is your method and why you feel it works best.I don't mind going first and I will tell you I only spank when my children do something that is dangerous. otherwise I unhook cable and put them in their room and make them read. Thanks for reading.
4 people like this
65 responses
@prncesssly (1375)
• United States
10 Oct 06
I don't think that spanking is the answer. When i have children, i will try the "time out" and "grounding" options. I think that spanking them just teaches them it's okay to hit.
@CORDALE (868)
• United States
10 Oct 06
I think that it teaches that only if used excessively and the majority have specified that we use it only if the child has done something harmful or dangerous such as running in the street without looking, playing with fire, etc....But i respect your point of view and thank you for sharing it with us.
1 person likes this
@juls2me2 (2151)
• United States
11 Oct 06
I don't agree that spanking teaches them to hit. I was spanked growing up and I remember getting spanked only when I deserved it greatly for some behaviour that was dangerous or severely inappropriate. What I remember from it is that my parents were in charge, not me. I knew they loved me and didn't even think twice about it, because the spankings were for fair reasons. Now in my experience with raising my own children, I've used both. I prefer timeouts, groundings, and chores for consequences of their behaviour. There are just times when they are so stubborn and will not listen and for their safety I will spank them on their rear enough to make a point that their behavior is wrong and not acceptable at all. Of course they're mad at first, but then they have time to really think about why I feel so strongly about it. I also realize once their teenagers....spankings are for extremely rare situations.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Oct 06
Juls you are so correct. I was rewarde with the butt beatings for things wrong. I have no reason to be violent. I was not raised that way. this word has lost all sence of control. Peoples kids are beating their parents up. If My daughter ever raised her voice at me she has it comming.
@bblessed (1822)
• United States
11 Oct 06
Lets examine what the Bible says. Proverbs 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. It's amazing how much we can learn from it! :)
2 people like this
• United States
11 Oct 06
I do agree with that one.
@CORDALE (868)
• United States
11 Oct 06
Thank you for sharing your point of view.
@Cindyh2k (308)
• United States
20 Oct 06
Exactly - I think that not disciplining a child is actually a form of child neglect - the parent is neglecting his/her duty to teach that child that there are rules - and consequences when these rules are broken.
@MySpot (2602)
• United States
10 Oct 06
Me too. I will spank only if I feel they are doing something hazardous, like playing with fire or running into the road. I figure a spanking hurts much less than a burn or getting hit by a car and I also tell them so. I guess it's to leave an impression more than anything else. I do not use anything besides my palm and never bare butt! I'm good for the 'long talks', letting them know how I feel and why, also asking them. Validation is an important element in parenting. I usually find my children's 'currency' and use it for punishment or encouragement. My Daughter's is her best friend and my Son's is his video game. They are pretty well-rounded kids though and rarely need punishment at all.
@CORDALE (868)
• United States
10 Oct 06
Well said
2 people like this
@MySpot (2602)
• United States
11 Oct 06
Thanks!
@Sm00tH (2040)
• Belgium
11 Oct 06
i would do it that way 2
@oriental (1051)
• Uruguay
11 Oct 06
I spank in the rear of my son of 7 only for very important misbehaviour.
@ShannaS (559)
• United States
11 Oct 06
I was never given the options of time outs when I was a kid, the belt was all I saw. I've tried it all with my kids. Time outs to them are like playtime. I take away their most treasured possessions but if all else fails I will spank. Never have to much, though.
1 person likes this
@LovingIt (5398)
• United States
11 Oct 06
It totally depends on the child and how they respond to what.
• United States
10 Oct 06
Depends on the child. Timeout can be effective if you tell them the purpose for it. Spanking maybe a quick swat on the hand to get there attention if something is dangerous.
@CORDALE (868)
• United States
10 Oct 06
I agree with you. thank you for responding
@CORDALE (868)
• United States
10 Oct 06
I agree with you . thank you for your comments.
@Cindyh2k (308)
• United States
20 Oct 06
I agree with you - it depends on the child. I have one daughter who has ADHD - and spanking only causes her to go into an uncontrollable tantrum - and time-out is something that she has a really hard time with, so we are limited on that method also. We have to be really creative when we discipline her. But, I have a 10-year-old who is so tender-hearted that a little spanking lasts a long time with her - and she usually does not repeat the offense. So, it really depends on the child - and the circumstances. And, spanking should NEVER be done when you are angry.
• United States
11 Oct 06
Some things call for an azz beating. plain and simple If the child can listen to you. Know when your telling them to stop,clean their room. etc they can understand period. I see way to many parents calling to their kids to stop. Over and over and over. This i guess is time for timeout. You have kids who have no respect for their parents. they say the f word like it is a prayer. You canm't go in their room thye slame the door right in your face. But your the one paying for that door. Your kids have all the luxurys and still don't respect anything or anyone. Tommy stop sit next to mommie. NO NO NO. If tat rude as child can ask for something in a store he knows how to stop. Now I don't mean to say all kids can understand,they have problems fine be easy with them. But you don't just let them walk all over you and then when you lose control. Your in your bed crying. have you ever seen how many kids beat up their parents,curse their parents,take the car,please this is the monster you created. I have one child. she has manners,home training and knows how to act in the street. When I call my daughter she gets up and comes to me. She is not allowed to say what to me. How rude that sounds in the street when your child says What.. What leave me alone,etc yours may do it not mine.
@CORDALE (868)
• United States
11 Oct 06
Thank you for sharing your point of view.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Oct 06
You are very welcome. thanks for replying.
@Cindyh2k (308)
• United States
20 Oct 06
I agree whole-heartedly with what you are saying! There are too many kids who run things in their households. I have friends who jump when their child demands something - I would never do that - and this is not teaching the children that you don't always get everything you want in life. Kids need boundaries - and they need to be told No so that they learn to accept things when everything doesn't go the way they want it to. These are lessons that should be taught throughout life - rather than waiting for the child to grow up and get a rude awakening.
@nishdan01 (3054)
• Singapore
11 Oct 06
1) Spanking can be habit forming; you can start doing it without thinking. As adults it is not acceptable to hit other adults. Doing so may land you in jail for assault. Children are adults in training; the same rules should apply. 2) It can promote poor self-image. People do not feel worthwhile if their body is not respected. We all want our children to have a high self-esteem. 3) It teaches children that it is O.K. to hit others and may lead to violence with younger siblings. 4) As parents it sets a bad example. You are teaching your child to express their anger with violence. We must teach our children to express themselves peacefully. 5) Last with all the war in the world we need to teach our children that people are not for hitting. Adults are here to help children not to hurt them. Try something new if your child is misbehaving. Take a moment to consider the following things before you discipline them. 1) Look at your child’s needs. Are they trying to get attention or express themselves? 2) Encourage your child to tell you what’s bothering them. 3) Redirect their behavior; show them a way to express themselves without misbehaving. For example show throw the ball for the dog, not at the dog. 4) Change the environment, if your child keeps pulling on the table cloth and knocking things over consider putting away the tablecloth. 5) Lower your expectations; children are young and don’t always know they are misbehaving. Try accepting them for who they are.
@CORDALE (868)
• United States
11 Oct 06
Thank you for sharing your point of view.
• United States
18 Oct 06
The no spanking attitude is simply a bunch of POOR SCIENCE where a generalize issue has been made specific. One should be aware of age appropriate behaviors, but to list lower your expectations as an effective discpline tool is just insane. If you expectations are resonable then you should NEVER lower them.
@amd613 (15)
• United States
11 Oct 06
I think it depends on the child, as well as the reason for the punishment. My son is still too young for timeout. My husband has spanked him a couple of times, but it seems that he only learned that hitting was an acceptable action when he didn't get his way. So I'm not sure what method we'll use when he gets old enough, probably some of each.
• United States
18 Oct 06
If a child is over 18 months they are NOT to young for time out. With my second son when I started time outs he was placed in his rocker and because he would not stay, I would strap him in with a belt that went around his waist and throught the rungs in the back of the chair. It took him only two days to learn that you MUST stay in the chair for time out.
@amd613 (15)
• United States
19 Oct 06
I agree. However, my son is only 15 months old, so he really doesn't understand what time out is about. When he is old enough to understand, it will definitely be an approach I take.
@vipul20044 (5797)
• India
21 Oct 06
Sometimes it is better to be punished than to repeat the same thing again so i think spanking is more effective
@CORDALE (868)
• United States
23 Oct 06
thank you for sharing with us
• United States
21 Oct 06
I feel that time-outs are effective for most situations. However, some situations require more than just a time-out as punishment. As you mentioned, when they put themselves/others in danger. I know when I was growing up I only got spanked once. Time-out and grounding usually worked best with me.
@CORDALE (868)
• United States
23 Oct 06
thank you for sharing with us
@Pmcbride (1082)
18 Oct 06
i believe in both, i was spanked when i was a child and it done me no harm, but since they took corporal punishment out of the schools here in Northern Ireland, the kids are just Mental, no respect for adults, in fact i have heard and been witness to adults being beaten up by groups of children, so i totally agree with spanking.
• United States
21 Oct 06
They no longer allow for punishment in schools here in the states either. Kids are starting to get out of control. I heard on the news several months back about a child in kindergarten who threw his chair at the teacher! Where the heck are they learning this crap?!
@kataztrophy (1838)
• United States
17 Oct 06
Id rather issue a time out to a child. I was spanked when I was younger, I dont think its the best way to raise a kid.
@CORDALE (868)
• United States
17 Oct 06
your opinion is appreciated. Thank you.
@AndreaM76 (1164)
• United States
11 Oct 06
it just depends on what the offense was. I do disapline with spanking only when nothing else has worked or when they did something they know in fact was wrong. I hate spanking but it is nessisary at times.
@AndreaM76 (1164)
• United States
11 Oct 06
you never should spank when you are mad. The best thing to do if it is needed clam down and explain why the spanking is the choice of disapline. If you spank when you are angry you are teaching it's okay to hit when you are mad. I tell my kids I love them and make sure they know why they are being spanked.
@jmafofo (359)
• South Africa
11 Oct 06
I rarely spank my kids, my wife does enough of that. I prefer using 'matter-o-fact' voice, always gets the attention it deserves. I don't scare I just speak (you speaking with lots of authority) and not even shouting is required. Works for me so far
@CORDALE (868)
• United States
11 Oct 06
Thank you for sharing your point of view.
• United States
11 Oct 06
neither method works on my child she be 4 this month
@CORDALE (868)
• United States
11 Oct 06
Thank you for sharing your point of view.
• United States
11 Oct 06
I find that time out and talking to them is the best way. when my kids are doing something they shouldnt be, like fighting, being mouthy or whatever, I send them to their room. they are allowed to come out when they feel they have calmed down and are ready to behave themselves. I also explain to them exactly what they did that caused them to get sent to their room so they they fully understand what they were punished for, I also use taking the video game systems away as a punishment. and while I respect the fact that everyone has their own opinions and their right to them, I feel that spanking my children just hurts them, and teaches them that hitting is an ok thing to do, I have tought them that hitting to solve a problem will solve nothing, so spanking would seem to contradict that, time out works for me and my kids so that is what I use.
@CORDALE (868)
• United States
11 Oct 06
Thank you for sharing your point of view.
• India
11 Oct 06
example is best
@CORDALE (868)
• United States
11 Oct 06
Thank you for sharing your point of view.
@ossie16d (11826)
• Australia
11 Oct 06
I used spanking as a last resort, usually when he was doing something dangerous. Otherwise it was "quiet time" spent by himself for a certain amount of time. This was many years ago (son is now 30) but I use the same principles now with the children of friends if I am looking after them.
@CORDALE (868)
• United States
11 Oct 06
Thank you for sharing your point of view.