parenting question-opinions please

I don't know with your country's laws but in ours underage kids usually go to the mom. If the mom cannot support the child or the children financially then the dad has an obligation to give financial support on a monthly basis. If the kid was really maltreated by the stepmom and the dad is neglecting his kids then maybe your friend could reappeal to the courts to gain custody of her children and have the dad assist her financially. In such disputes, it always good to take the welfare of the children as the primary concern and not the selfish interests of each parent. They should think more of their children's future that they already messed up.

My opinion is that unless the mom is totally unsuitable as a mother or just can not care for the kids at all, then the biological mom should have custody. Nothing against dads. My husband fathered 2 children with his ex and she got custody. In my mind, they would be much better off with my husband, but the mom got them because she played dirty and got nasty. My husband devoted his entire life to these 2 kids and would do anything for them. So, I am not MAN bashing...just saying that I believe kids need their mom...they grew inside her...there is a special bond. There are times when a man is a much better parent, but i don't think it should depend on the level of income. This situation seems wierd that the kids are being raised with babysitters and all, but the law would rather it be that than with a mom at home...makes no sense.

If I was your friend, I would go to court and get the ruling over turned. Even though it is nice the dad and stepmom have a lot of money, what about the kids and their need to have a parent around and stable home environment? If your friend can work and dedicate a lot more time to the kids, then I believe they should be with her the majority of the time. If she can rpvoe what you stated above, it should not be hard for her to have the current custody situation over turned.

I believe every child custody case has to be judged on there own merits, and if that means financially, the father can give the more financially secure home and such, then that is why the judgement was made the way it was. It doesn't matter that the father cheated on the mother--their differences and issues are theirs and will not have any baring on child custody issues. NOW, if your friend has actual proof that the children are being neglected and abused in the home by the step mother, then she can petition the court to re-hear the custody case. But, I'd suggest she get herself a family court lawyer, and she may need to get child protective services involved to determine if there is real physical abuse going on. You cannot ever say that because one parent works 2 jobs, that they are not able to give unconditional love to their children. Heck my husband is in the military and at times is gone for long extended periods of time, and I am solo-mom during those times, but the unconditional love my husband gives his kids is pure and beautiful; so, don't say that this father can't love and be there for the children in other ways. You should be happy that there is a father who is willing to work hard to support his family. I mean he could choose to be lazy and not work, and the mother could have gotten more of a custody and he could have stiffed out on his responsibilities totally. You do not live in the home and are hearing the re-counting of a friend, a woman who has been scorned by adultery--keep that in mind. There are always 2 sides to every story, and then there is the truth...LOL. You are going to be loyal to your friend, and with that comes siding in with anything she might confide in you, but you do not live in that other household, you do not know how they choose to spend quality time with the children when they are home and on weekends and so forth. Quality time comes in many different forms--and that special time may not happen in quantity but rather quality. If this mom is truly concerned and being honest (and not speaking out of bitterness)about what the stepmother is doing, then she has to take it back to court--tell her to journal the accounts, and go consult a family law attorney.

SOmething is wrong, they are placed with the parent who is never home. He should be paying more child support. She has to go back to court. She needs to document the step mom slapping the chid and other things that maybe going on. That may be the tip of the iceberg and she should not be bad mouthing Mom, that is usually in the divorce decree and if not she has to get that implemented.

Well i know what your friend is going through. WE have custody of his 8 year old son and the mom could care less about him. He does make more money then her. However we are on the flipside. He does not have custody of his 15 year old daughter. Both him and his ex-wife earn the same amount of money. But the more he makes the more he has to pay for child support. I don't believe that a child chould be places with the parent that makes more money. I think that they child should be places with the person that can throw a roof over their head, can be fed, clothed, and can be paid attention too. I hope this helps a little bit. And best wishes to your friend. I hope she gets what she wantes.

I'm with you sister.When my two were little I was lucky enough to find a decent job I could do at home.This was I was always there with them.Later when they were teens I got a better job that was overnight so I was there when they left for school and up when they came home.I have two great kids that have never been in trouble and I truly believe my being there is why.I don't know where you live but your friend needs to find a lawyer and appeal this ruling.Kids need parents,attention,love and rules.You can't get that from a workaholic with a bank account.

What a sad situation. I'm sorry. Think the mother should take the children, and dad should help her with the expenses of keeping them safe if she must work. Step mom is going to hurt them emotionally.

That sound absurd to me! I have custody of my kids and their father makes much more money than i do! That is unjust and my daughters father also has a common law wife that works and that was never even an issue! You are right and i for one think that she should try again in court and bring this issue with her!

I don't think that money has anything to do with it. It seems like the judge just would order more child support if he makes more money. The other thing is the kids are now old enough to have a say in what happens to them. Your friend should talk to a lawyer and see if she can not file for a change in custody. I think it is more important to have one parent spending time with the child that the child being alone. I think that she should report the stepmother for puting her hands on the child. Maybe she can use this abuse as well as the talking bad about the biological mother to get a change in custody. I know I would try. I can't picture me sitting still while someone put their hands on my kid.

I totally agree with you,growing up my mom never had much for money but was always there for me when i was younger and in school i wanted alot but we never had the money but now i am older and have kids of my own and my mom is gone i am so happy i got that extra time from my mom and not the extra money. My husbands father worked all the time and never did a thing with his kids my husband remembers the one and only time his dad ever played ball with him and it really bothers me but my husband did get the name brand stuff.Now it means nothing to him. So no money has nothing to do with it kids need there parents not money.

That is one reason i dont like watching or hearing those custody battles abroad,the one who wins is always the one with money..And the nerve of the step mom to slap the kid and badmouth the mother to the children..Can the mother go to the custody councils to report what just happened so that there would be another hearing for these..i think she can appeal for it so that she can get the children and make the father pay for child support.

i dare anyone else to hit my kids.. i'd go ballistic! Step-parent or not...and even badmouthing the other parent is not cool. My kids dad and I have been split for years and I have absolutely nothing good to say about the deadbeat but I don't ever cut him down in front of my children and I won't allow other to either. I've had to give that talk to my parents - they aren't to say anything about my kids dad if its not nice.. not within their hearing anyways. Right now their father is in jail and calls at least once a week.. which is more contact than they've had in the past couple of years. I let him talk to the kids but I don't let them know that he is in jail. And i have to agree with you.. the children should be where they are going to have the nuturing more than the money.

Well, it is joint, and figuring out a schedule is hard to do. Perhaps the judge assumed that since the father works two jobs the only way he'd be able to spend quality time with the kids is during the school year when the kids are away most of the day as well, and she would be more able to spend alot more time with them in the summer. Perhaps it is not the ideal solution, but perhaps it is the only one in which both parents will be able to spend time with the kids. Shared custody is pretty much the norm now where I live, and the exact arrangements are always tough unless the parents live extremely close to one and another.

i agree that the children should be with their mother.

I would have to agree that more time is better then more money . Time spent with the children will create memories that will last them forever whereas money will only remind them of all that they didn't really have . Because things do not replace the value of quality time spent with the children . I feel bad for your friend as I can't imagine how I would react if I knew the court was making my childen go with someone who was going to hit them as I don't believe in this myself .

oh oh