To wet or not to wet....that is the question!

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This article was written almost 3 years ago, when Chennai was in the grip of acute water scarcity. Normal people who were lah-di-dah about everything and wouldnt lift their little finger for anything, could be seen, during this period, running after anything that remotely looked like the Water Tanker out to distribute water. Gone were the rules of etiquette and manners. It was clearly a case of survival of the fittest. And if you had to re-enact a typical 'cheri'-type brawl for a bucket or 2 of water, so be it! Water, therefore, became the most precious commodity and people devised ways and means of preserving as much as they could of whatever was collected. The following passage is a take-off on how to save water!............................ It’s the usual story! Get up and open the tap and you get some air blowing down your hand. No, no I have not installed the hand drier at home. This is just my faithful tap giving me air instead of water. Chennai and its water problem seem to be driving me nuts!! It’s not fair to have to make a lucky draw to see who gets to bathe in a full bucket of water. (I’ve never ever been lucky my entire life!!) Invariably I don’t…i thought that was pretty evident by now!! By the time I get to bathe I’m left with ‘chullu bhar ka paani!!!” On rationalizing now I fail to understand how anybody could have “dhoob maro-ed in chullu bhar ka paani!!” I mean it is hardly enuff to wet my body. But I have perfected the art of bathing in chullu bhar ka paani. It’s like this: · First you wet the towel and give yourself a good rub all over…(the body is misled to believe that it is actually being bathed in water!!) · Then you rub the soap like the girl does in the advertisement...”.hhmmm aise! Hmm aise!”(funny somehow I land up with the Fair and Lovely advts all over again..this time it is the one where she says…” try karke dekh”…….hmm toh boyfriend mera???) · You have to ensure that you do not bring up too much of lather. Preferable that you rub the dry soap all over the body. · On second thoughts, maybe you could use the deo-stick instead!! But the idea of rubbing the deo-stick all over my face didn’t appeal!! · Right, stick to the soap. Stick as in let’s go alongwith da!! Don’t allow the soap to get stuck, if you do you will be using up a lot more water!! · Next allow the mug bhar ka paani to gently roam all over your body as it is poured. ( You could do the jig, break dance and the salsa rolled into one. It helps in retaining the water on your body for a longer time as it travels all over the limbs being extended and contracted alternatively…with or without music!) · Keep the last drop for the best!! Hold the mug real high and allow the droplet to land on your forehead. Now pretend that you are balancing a book or a matka on your head. Move your head and neck in unison to ensure that the droplet does not slide away. · Gently make it follow the path of your forehead to your eyelids….your cheek…your lips and your chin(double or otherwise!)…till it finally rolls down your neck and well…rolls down…till it reaches your toe end!! · Bravo!! You have successfully navigated a droplet of water to go all round your body before allowing it to become part of the semi-dry floor in the bathroom!!!!