how to shower like a woman/man (joke)
February 3, 2007 9:20am CST
Part 1: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror* make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Part 2: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN: Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed And leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, Shake wiener at her while making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because Curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her And make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on her pillow. If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, There is something SO very wrong with you. Have a great day!
3 people like this
• United States
4 Feb 07
L M A O !!!!! Oh my gosh, how true! I'm not married now, but having spent the majority of my adult life with a husband, I can assure you that each and every thing that you mentioned has happened to me!...Oh geez, talk about bringing back some memories! The thing I hated the most was laying down to go to bed and my pillow be wet!!! Arrrrgggg! Thank you so much...I'm STILL laughing!
4 Feb 07
ROTFLMAO...I was just beginning to get into a terrible mood! I have a massive headache which was just starting to subside thanks to the advil ... LOL! I came across this and you changed it all i still have somewhat of a Headache but i am no longer in a terrible mood and i am still smiling so i thank you so much for sharing and God Bless!
• United States
3 Feb 07
Thank you so much for sharing this! Unfortunately I do see some of these things happening in my household!! AHHHHHHG!!! You say all you want to the man about cleaning up this and cleaning up that, but it never happens on a consistant basis. Thanks again.