How shy or outgoing are you?

@shywolf (4514)
United States
February 3, 2007 3:44pm CST
Speaking from a lifetime of shyness myself, I would love to hear your stories of timidity and shyness. My favorite radio DJ, Geoff, was asking for stories like this on his show last week, and it got me thinking. Hearing stories of other people's shyness is one thing that makes me feel better about my own shyness at times, so I thought that it would be an uplifting experience for those of us who are shyer to share their stories here. Also, I would like to hear if you are a truly outgoing person, and how you show this trait. I have been shy since birth, so it is fascinating to me to hear about people who can just walk up to anyone and start talking. I doubt that I will ever be able to do that! *laugh*
28 people like this
78 responses
• United States
3 Feb 07
Oh, I feel your pain! I am such an incredibly shy person. The only thing that's really been helping me is work. I'm a waitress, so small talk comes with the territory. I feel like that has been gradually raising my level of confidence with others.
5 people like this
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
4 Feb 07
Faerieingrey, I think that it is wonderful that your waitressing job is helping you in building your confidence and becoming less shy! I bet you that this job was fated for you just to help you out along the path to opening up more. How awesome is that? I wish that I could find a job where I could start to open up. So far, I've only been doing work online because I'm far, far too shy to go to a job interview.
2 people like this
@wiessied (646)
• United States
4 Feb 07
Well i guess i am kinda shy or more like i have social anxiety,i avoid social gatherings,being around a bunch of people or being the center of attention. I guess a way to overcome this might be to focus elsewhere. Like on imagining what it will be like to really enjoy the social event, on how it will feel to be full of energy, or to be having a great conversation with someone.
4 people like this
@patgalca (18164)
• Orangeville, Ontario
4 Feb 07
Or pretend you were a clown? Sorry, I couldn't resist. LOL!
1 person likes this
@bonbon664 (3466)
• Canada
3 Feb 07
I talk to anybody. It freaks some people out when we're in an elevator and I'll chit chat. Some people ignore me, but, surprisingly, people talk back. I figure that I've got nothing to lose, so, I might as well strike up a conversation.
3 people like this
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
4 Feb 07
bonbon, I need someone like you around me right now. Keep on doing what you're doing, but please don't get upset if someone in the next elevator looks uncomfortable or confused or turns away when you try to speak to them. I've been there, being so shy and really feeling lost when someone talks to me out of the blue and I can't respond. It seems so rude not to respond, yet one feels too shy to do so. But you never know, you might just be helping some shy person to open up! So keep on going! I think that it's great. ^_^
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Feb 07
Very good shywold. You just described what it's like to be that person who doesn't talk back. Perfect.
1 person likes this
@lifeiseasy (2292)
• United States
3 Feb 07
I too am a very shy person, I always have been . Since I have become an adoult it is not as bad but .I just can't walk up to a stranger and start a conversation but I am better about it . My boyfriend is just the opposite ,he is very outgoing and talk to anyone about anythng al day ...Sometimes I just look and him and I say how do you do that ...he always laughs at me ....
4 people like this
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
4 Feb 07
Aw! I know where you're coming from with asking your boyfriend how he does it. I always look at really outgoing people and simply cannot fathom how they do it. How anyone can just walk up to someone that they've never met and start talking to them is a mystery to me. I'm glad that you've found an outgoing boyfriend. That's what i need, too! A really outgoing one who will help to bring me out of my shell! ^_^
2 people like this
@kirenz (374)
• Canada
3 Feb 07
I think, I would say I am mixture of both. i m nto extra ordinary bold. and not too shy.. well somes times I am shy.
3 people like this
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
4 Feb 07
I think that we, as humans, are all a mixture of both shy and outgoing, and a mixture of insecure and self-confident. I know that I have all of those things mixed into my personality, even though I am extremely shy and also fairly insecure in certain ways. But there are situations in life where I am actually probably more bold than most, like when I go to local shows and sing along to the music. I don't tend to see many people around me doing that, but the music moves me and I can't help myself! *laugh* On the other hand, you catch me in person and you're lucky to get me to say two words.
2 people like this
@jbrooks0127 (2324)
• United States
13 Feb 07
I also have been shy all my life. It most effected me I think as a child. I would have given anything to have a date in high school but could never ever get up enough nerve to ask a girl out. In fact it was so bad I could not see how any girl would want to be seen out with me. The strange part about that is I have been married most of my life. After the Navy I fell in love and married my first wife at 23. We were togeather 37 years before she found someone else more her style....or so she thought. I am married again. Shyness has made me a loner most of my life. Never any male friends because I don't know how to be a friend I guess. That goes hand in hand with my marrage problems I guess. As I have gotten older it is not so much of a problem but still it directs what I am willing to do. I am not even now a party guy. Now I have an additional handicap...and yes I consider shyness a handycap...I have lost most of my hearing. Now if you don't think that is important for socalization.....think again. However I do know this. Most....if not all....shy people are truly loveing people. They want so much to fit in but just can't get past that need for approval before they act. I am sure we seem to be aloof and uncareing but nothing could be farther from the truth. Thank you for asking this question. I will read the answers with much interest.
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Jbrooks, your writing touched me *so* much. I'm so sorry that you now have to deal with the loss of your hearing on top of being shy. That thought is mortifying to me. It is hard enough not to know how to respond to someone due to being painfully shy, and then to think that I would be struggling to try to hear them, as well? That would just make my shyness even worse! I am just glad to hear that you have found someone else to love and that you are happily married again, for that is all that I wish for myself. If I had that person to love, the shyness wouldn't matter as much because if I have that person, they are all that I am going to need to be happy. I also consider shyness a handicap. It definitely is for me, anyway. It keeps me from doing just about anything, most of the time. What you sid around the end about some people seeing shy people as aloof and uncaring, but that the real truth is that we are loving people who are struggling to fit in and feel approval, is *so* spot on. You just described me there to an absolute T. Thank you so much for your wonderful post! Yours is truly my favorite answer of all that I received so far. ^_^
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
19 Feb 07
I got your response in my email, so I came back to rate you with a plus for your very, very sweet words. I don't know if you'll see this, either, but I wanted you to know that your words meant a *lot* to me. Believe me, to be married (or to find the love of ny life, at least) is the one thing i want more than anything in the world. So you don't know how much your kind thoughts meant to me. Thank you!!!!!!! ^_^ ^_^
• United States
19 Feb 07
While you may not come back to see this I want to thank you for your comments and kind words. I had wondered if you were married but I see, not yet. Well from all that I have seen of your writing that one guy that comes along and breaks down your shyness bearier will be very fortunate indeed. I can see you are a very sweet and kind person and I truly wish you the best.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 07
When i was younger I was not really shy but quiet. I still am in a way it depends on how i feel at the time on how outgoing I might be. I am not a shy person but if i am not in the mood to talk then i wont.
2 people like this
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
4 Feb 07
Yes, it does sound to me like you are more of a quiet, reflective, thoughtful type than it is that you are actually shy. You just talk if you have something to say, and keep quiet if you don't. There are people who talk a mile a minute on any subject under the sun, and you are the opposite, and the world needs both types! ^_^
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Feb 07
Like you, I was very shy and timid when I was young. My stage fright was horrible when I was in school. How I hated it when everyone was asked to read in front of the class because I would be so nervous my whole body shook, and I just could not read properly, sometimes I just become speechless. Later in life though, after working for sometime, I seem to have overcome shyness and have gained more self confidence. You are still young, so I'm sure as time goes by and as you mature, you will also forget about being shy if you try to socialize more. Just forget yourself, be a good listener, and just be candid and sincere when you talk to people.
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Thanks! I actually already like to think of myself as an okay listener. I like to listen. It's talking that gives me the problem, lol! ^_^ I'm glad that you were able to overcome so much of your shyness. I was actually able to read in class okay if we could just read from our seats, now that I think about it. It's getting up in front of the class and reading something that I personally wrote that was very, very hard for me. But just reading from a book, that's different because they aren't my own words.
@mzbubblie (3839)
• United States
4 Feb 07
Well my kinda topic :) I'm very outgoin; a ture extrovert...lol.. I don't have a problem with talking to anyone. I'm a true talker to the heart...I love laughing and making people laugh. I believe since birth, I was a born people person...I enjoy good company no matter if I'm work or home...or out and about...
2 people like this
@peaceful (3294)
• United States
4 Feb 07
That's the way the world works! Thank you, mzbubblie! We need all kind of personalities!
1 person likes this
@rosedust82 (2066)
• Philippines
4 Feb 07
(I really love your discussions shywolf. I hope you continue to make interesting discussions such as this.) Anyway, to answer your question, yes. I used to be painfully shy. Especially if I was in an unknown crowd. You'd rarely hear me talk. If I did talk, it would be so soft that you'd have to struggle to even hear what I was saying. Fortunately, when I started working as a trainer, I got out of being shy really fast (although there are still times when I stay silent). With my work, I was technically forced to mingle with people since I had to be pretty "hands-on" with my trainees. Plus aside from this, I was sent to different places to promote our company so I had to get used to speaking in front of large crowds. This, I can say, has truly helped me in overcoming my shyness. Funny thing is, I had trainees who really lacked confidence. They would even tell me that they wanted to quit but then I would tell them that I was exactly like them before but because I practiced and tried, I succeeded. Happy to say that they were able to go on and succeed as well. So I guess I can gauge just how "unshy" I am through them. =) I hope that you can overcome your shyness as well. It's never too late you know. =)
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Aw, rosedust, you are so sweet! Thank you for saying that you enjoy my discussions! ^_^ I'm so glad that your job helped you to become less shy, and that through that you are also able to help new trainees who start out feeling rather shy themselves! That to me, is so amazing! I loved reading your story! ^_^ I hope that it is never too late! Goodness knows I am at the point in my life where it is getting harder and harder to keep going on being as shy as I am, lol! ^_^
@sherrir101 (3670)
• Malinta, Ohio
4 Feb 07
I am pretty much outgoing. The shyness that I do have is pure fear of being rejected. The easy part is going up to someone you don't know. The one to be afraid of, is the person you slightly know and being turned away, looking stupid or such. Give me a stranger any day!
2 people like this
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
5 Feb 07
LOL! You have a really good point there. If you are talking to someone where you have little expectations, there is less to be lost. Therefore, I should also feel less afraid to talk to strangers, but I don't. Drat. *laugh* I absolutely get your point, though. The fear of rejection is a major, major reason why I am nervous and shy of talking to people in person. I am very sensitive to tones in voices and looks that people make when they aren't that interested in what you are saying, and that makes it even harder to talk to people.
@earthsong (589)
• United States
4 Feb 07
When I was growing up I was incredibly shy. I wouldn't volunteer answers in class, and in college I opted for a lesser grade so I didn't have to give a speech in front of my classmates. But over the last few years I have discovered I don't care what any one else thinks. I'm weird, I'm loud, I can be obnoxious. I just don't care. I try to have respect for people, but who cares if they think I'm ugly or loud or weird or whatever. I was once told being shy was actually having an incredible ego because shy people think everyone is looking at them and noticing them. The person who told me that was obviously not shy. Shy people don't think everyone is looking at them, they are AFRAID they are!
2 people like this
@patgalca (18164)
• Orangeville, Ontario
4 Feb 07
My mother told me she was shy growing up and that everyone thought she was stuck up. How can people confuse shy with stuck up?
2 people like this
@apky12 (769)
• United States
4 Feb 07
I am really shy until I get to know people and then I'm outgoing. People always think that I'm snotty or self-centered if they don't know me but really it's hard for me to start up a conversation with people I don't know. I've become friends with many people at the gym I belong to but they almost always approach me first. Once I get to know them though, I go out of my way to be a great friend. I always go up to my friends if I see them and talk to them, ask them how they are doing. I'll invite people over, start up any kind of conversation if someone starts one. Those are the ways I'm outgoing.
• Canada
4 Feb 07
playing in the park - family playing at the park
I am extremely outgoing. I have no problem making friends cause i'll just go up to anyone anywhere and just start talking to them. i used to be really shy though until about grade 8 and that's when i came out of my shell and then i went wild.
2 people like this
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
5 Feb 07
I wish that you were around here so that you could come up and start talking to me in person, lol! I really need a very outgoing friend right now who will force me to get out into more social situations, maybe even parties, anything where I would be forced to try to talk more. I just don't have anyone like that currently living around me. I'm truly glad to hear that in 8th grade you started to come out of your shell and have been quite outgoing ever since. It is always heartwarming to hear that a shy person has changed so much! I just hope that it can happen for me, as well! ^_^
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
12 Feb 07
Well Shywood believe it or not but I am very shy myself, lol. I have to get to know People first. On here I am not to bad, lol. But when it comes to real People, I will not make the first move, I am just not like that. I had to in my last Job though, so I guess that did help to bring me out a bit more of myself. I had to deal with Customers and my Staff, there was no time for shyness.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
13 Feb 07
Lololol I am a bit more like that now Shywolf as I said my Job changed that, but there are still times lol that I do go all shy.
1 person likes this
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
12 Feb 07
Oh dear Gabs, wow! Did you know, from the bubbly and friendly way that you write when you post, you are the one person on here who I had marked down in my mind as being _really_ outgoing? LOL! I honestly did. I usually don't even stop and think to myself 'is this person shy or outgoing?' when I'm talking to them in person, but with you I always got the image and impression of someone who would walk up and talk to anyone! So it's really intruiging to hear that my impression was totally wrong! Thank you for sharing with me! ^_^
1 person likes this
@imadriscoll (2228)
• United States
5 Feb 07
I have always had a low self-image and have never felt really good about the way that I look. But, instead of being shy and trying to fade into the background, I have always been very funny and tried to make others around me laugh. I guess I feel that if I can make people laugh then I'm "okay". Also sometimes I've been known to do really crazy things, intentionally looking dumb, so that if I actually do something dumb, others around me will think that I'm just being silly. I believe that we all feel inadequate in some areas of our lives, we just express it differently. For you it's being shy and for me it's being outgoing. I think the important thing is that we realize that at the core we are all basically the same.
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
7 Feb 07
Aw! I wish that I had learned to work with my insecurities by doing what you do, imadriscoll. I never mastered the art of making other people laugh, though. The thing is, I have a much more logical brain than a witty brain. I just can't come up with funny things unless I get into a certain mood where I feel more that way. I understand totally what you were saying about doing silly things on purpose so that if you do mess up, people will just think that you were clowning around. I wish too that I could do that. You have so many great ways of coping with your fears.
@Sawsen (793)
• United States
13 Feb 07
I'm not really that shy. I think it depends on the people I'm around. If I'm with really close friends, I'm not really shy. But if I'm around people I don't know, then sometimes I can be shy. But not really extreme shyness. My best friend, she's really shy. If she doesn't know someone, she wont even speak lol. She'll just keep her head down and pretend she's invisible. I think I'm pretty much an outgoing person. I like to socialize with certain people, and I like to be at the center sometimes, but not always.
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Sawsen, your best friend sounds so much like me. I try to become invisble when I'm nervous and shy and don't want someone to try to talk to me because I know that I won't be able to speak up, lol! I definitely hide my head, too, like that. I can't even count the number of times that I've done it, even with people that I do know a little bit but am not used to trying to speak to.
• United States
4 Feb 07
I'm generally pretty shy. It's a rare occasion that I'm willing to be around a group of strangers. A few years ago I even used to get panicky when I was around people. It has subsided though, and I'm just simply a bit on the shy side now. I spend most of my time trying hard to not be shy. I can't stand it. I want to be forward and outgoing. So when I go out in public, I try to be more outgoing towards people. It also helps that my daughter is a social butterfly and even at 2 she'll talk to anyone that we pass by. She gets irritated if they don't say "Hi" to her when she says it to them. I suppose she could also be a good way to meet people, since she's so insistant on talking to them.
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
4 Feb 07
Aw! It sounds to me like your daughter has been brought into your life in order to help you become less shy. That is really amazing, that you want so much to become less shy and then you have a daughter who is a social butterfly and actually gets frustrated with people who won't respond and say hi back to her! *laugh* She will definitely be doing a lot of work to help bring you out of your shell! ^_^
2 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 07
I am usually kinda of shy at first but then after I get to know someone, I open up easily anc talk and chat a lot. I used to not be this shy but as I grew into adulthood,and was hurt by some people I thought were friends,I tended to be more to myself, but I am getting more outgoing- as a matter of fact, some do call me outgoing! LOL
1 person likes this
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
7 Feb 07
I am so sorry that you were hurt buy some people who you considered to be friends of yours, Heidi :( I really can't bear that feeling. To me, people are everything, so when a person hurts me that feeling can live with me for a very, very long time. Anyway, I am so glad that you are coming out of your shyness now after starting to become more shy as you were getting into adulthood.
• United States
4 Feb 07
I think I'm a very outgoing person. I can go up to just about anyone and start up a conversation. It doesn't matter the gender, race, anything. Rich or poor, it doesn't matter their job. I also have no issue speaking in front of a huge crowd, I rarely get nervous about things such as that. However, if theres a certain dude I like.. I can be hardcore shy at first. That is, until it's out in the open that I like him. Then it's back to being outgoing. I like it, I don't like being shy.
2 people like this
@shywolf (4514)
• United States
4 Feb 07
I think that what you described is something that all people feel. No matter how shy or outgoing we are, we still have trouble talking to someone who we have romantic feelings for, at least at first. there is no doubt that having a crush on someone brings out the shy side in everyone!
1 person likes this