How much do you give? How much is too much?
By Oxonian
@Oxonian (25)
February 4, 2007 12:06pm CST
This is a rather open-ended relationship question. I would like to hear from others about how much they think they would give for (give up for?) a relationship.
Here's my story. My BF of three years is from another country and unfortunately doesn't speak English terribly well, despite having lived in the States for several years. Because of this, I've long assumed that we would live in his country, as it's unlikely he would be able to get a job in a regular industry in an English speaking country - and I don't want to doom him to life in a restaurant or something in one of my countries, when he has real dreams he wants to pursue. As a result, I've resigned myself to living far away from my family and many of the things that are important to me. I've planned my life assuming that I will be living in his country for quite a while, giving up on some of my own dreams in the process and purposefully aiming my career in a direction that would be best for working overseas.
But recently, I wonder more and more about the things I'm giving up. As I hear about all the things that I'm missing with my own family, I wish that I was there near them - but I don't even know what job prospects I would have in my home country any more! I'm sure I could get some job, but not sure that I'd want to do 'just some job,' and live back in my small home town, just to not miss anything. You have to grow up and move on at some point, right? But then I wonder if I'm sticking with my guy now because all my plans have been centred on him, less than because I really want nothing more.
Any of this make sense?
I really don't want to be some spineless woman who gives up everything for a man and anyone who knows me in real life would never think I'm the type to do such a thing. Yet relationships are built on compromise, aren't they? But how far does compromising go, and when does it become too much? Is one person giving things up more fair than the other person having to do so? Is one person giving things up better then both people giving things up? Won't it just foster resentment, in the long run? I'm afraid so...
1 person likes this
2 responses
@freak369 (5113)
• United States
6 Feb 07
Been there, done that, it doesn't work out well in the end. Unless you are going to be able to find something there that makes you happy, in respects to work and social life, you are going to feel that you gave up everything and received nothing in return. Love is a powerful thing but it isn't something that is going to be able to cure everything. Isn't there some middle ground to the situtation? A place where you could both live and work and have oppertunities open to both of you? Have you talked to him about this? Maybe he can offer some help with this and find some areas for you to look for a job that you like.
1 person likes this
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
26 Apr 07
Compromise means that both of you come to a agreement to readjust some things. It seems to me you are doing all the giving up and he hasn't had to give up anything. You are looking on this relationship as one that will last a life time but since you can't look into the future you don't know this for sure. You need to ask yourself would you be satisfied doing this. Because it is strongly possible that resentment would start to build. If you are very close to your family that would be a very hard thing to move so far away. Yes, relationships are built on compromise. What you are doing isn't compromise because he is getting everything he wants. So you are the one doing the compromise he isn't compromising on anything.
