Should age make more difference if the woman is older than if the man is older?

Couple - A man and a woman in a loving relationship.
@kelly60 (4547)
United States
February 4, 2007 12:30pm CST
In our society we see men with younger women all of the time. We really don't think much about it most of the time. When it is the other way around, people tend to think a bit more about it though. When the woman is older people tend to either think that the younger man is her son, or wonder why he would be with her. Why should age make any more difference one way or the other? What are your views on this?
1 person likes this
13 responses
• United States
24 May 07
I think this is just one of those things that society has hard wired into our brains. Once upon a time, it would have been unthinkable for a man to date an older women. It just wasn't how it was done. That's just the way it was and people have a hard time letting go of traditions no matter how small and subtle they really are.
1 person likes this
@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
25 May 07
This is true. Although it is more common today, there are still many people who are very uncomfortable with the idea and probably always will be.
@lisado (1227)
• United States
15 May 07
I have to admit that sometimes it makes me raise my eyebrows. I guess that since in some countries, and even in the US some time ago, it was accepted that 20+ year old men could be married to 13 year old girls and when they got older or had finished having kids they were traded in for younger wives, we don't think that much about it. Some people think that it is just a person's way of recapturing their youth by dating someone half their age. I guess it really depends on the couple if this will work or not. I can't imagine wanting to date a 20 year old guy again. I don't want to have to wait for him to grow up, ya know? Maturity levels have a lot to do with it, and most of the guys I know aren't very mature. :P
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@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
16 May 07
I know what you mean about having to wait for him to grow up. I had that problem with my ex and he was only 3 years younger than me. He never did grow up though.
@kareng (53375)
• United States
16 Feb 07
It shouldn't be! If something happened to my husband and I decided to remarry, I would want a younger man. Afterall, women usually live longer. Shhhh, don't tell my hubby!!
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@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
16 Feb 07
That's true, they do live longer so I guess you have a valid point there. Don't worry, I won't tell. I can keep a secret.
@vicky19810 (1600)
• China
15 Feb 07
lol...i do not think so ,and in my opinion,the age is not the problem for the love between two persons.my boyfriend is younger than me,and we are very happy together.maybe one day,we will be married ,and i do not think there are more differences between us.
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@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
16 Feb 07
That's true, I can relate to more men a few years younger than me than most who are a few years older. I have always felt that way, and have always felt more comfortable hanging out with a younger crowd.
• United States
17 Feb 07
When I was dating, I would always date younger guys because I just did. I didn't think anything of it. Age is just a number, and I am not doing anything wrong. Even though I am older doesn't mean a thing. However, I do think that it is gross when a woman goes out with a man who could be her grandfather or father. To me, that is just disgusting.
@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
18 Feb 07
I really never worried too much about age either, but it seems that many people have a problem with this. A while ago I brought a younger man to one of our karaoke hangouts and it caused quite a stir. He isn't THAT much younger, but he LOOKS younger than he is. Boy did I get some looks! The way I see it is that as long as we are both consenting adults, it is our business.
@shalwani (760)
• Pakistan
11 Feb 07
I met a nice gentleman about a week ago, he works in a bar. When we first met there was flirting but nothing more than a deep gaze, wink and some jokes thrown around. I told him that I would come back to visit him (he's the bartender/owner) with some of my friends. Well, last night, myself along with about 5 of my other friends came back to visit. We had a lovely time, he locked the door and it was just my friends and his friends. We flirted, but I can tell he's a very friendly guy, because he had great convo's with all of my friends. I thought he was kind of diggin me until he asked me my age. I knew since last week that he's 31 and I told him last night that I was 19, he wasn't surprised but I could see discouragement in his eyes. He invited myself as well as my other homies to his b-day party and when it was time to say good-bye, he said it to me last and we shared a long hug, he asked me again if I was definitely going to his party( I reassured him), and we lingered by the door. Could it be that I'm just a 19 year old naive lil diva or could there possibly be a connection? I'm sure that this question or questions on there age difference would have raked/plagued there minds before they got together as well as during there relationship. In that they decided to get married despite what his parents might have thought or the opinions of others takes a lot of courage and determination. In this regards as long as they are not hurting anyone else and are happy to be together then more power to them for living there lives the way they want and with whom they want. As you have said he is an adult after all who can make his own decisions. The only foreseeable con that I can see is a physical one whereby he is 54 and she is 74. If they want to have kids then they would have to make it sooner rather than later so that the age barrier between her and the child isn't so great. However that is a long way off and nobody really knows what the future holds. It would be folly for them to deny there feelings for each other on the uncertainty of the future. Since they are consenting adults who no doubt would have thought it through they are absolutely right to live there lives for the now. I guess all you can do at this point in time is to be a supportive friend. To treat it just like any other relationship/marriage. (which it basically is anyway). If it works out then good for your friend, I'm sure that you would want to see him happy. If it doesn't work out and they separate then that's okay too as you can be there for him to help him get back on track if needs be.
1 person likes this
@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
16 Feb 07
I can see where that big of an age difference might present a problem to the couple at that age but even so as you say it should not bother other people. What goes on between two consenting adults is just that, and is not for anyone to judge.
@peaceful (3294)
• United States
25 May 07
As a guy, it never really made any difference to me, if a lady was older, I have never chased after young chicks, anyway.
@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
11 Jun 07
I agree. It really shouldn't make a difference who is older as long as they are happy together.
@RAMPersona (2033)
• Philippines
11 Feb 07
nope, it is a mind set, it is like breaking the age old traditions your family or your culture affirms, few will be in favor, few are open-minded, others will be judgemental.. but 'God gave us the freewill, the liberty to choose ..though we have to be responsible, to take resposibility of our own actions and decisions.
1 person likes this
@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
16 Feb 07
There are many judgemental people whether family, friends, or strangers. It really is nobody's business other than the couple involved, but it seems that everyone else wants to make it there business.
• India
11 Feb 07
i don't think so
@freak369 (5113)
• United States
4 Feb 07
It goes along with the 'madonna - wh*re complex'; if a woman sleeps with a hundred men she is a wh*re, if a guy does it, he is a stud. Olden men with younger women is socially acceptable but an older woman and a younger man isn't. I never date guys my own age as most of them are either complete losers or too stuck on themselves. Generally, I go out with guys that are about five years younger than me. I don't look my age so I rarely have anyone say anything about it but I do see people looking at these types of couples. Age is just a number ...
1 person likes this
@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
16 Feb 07
It's true about the wh*ore complex. Also, if the age difference is not very noticeable. In such cases where he looks several years younger though, people really seem to turn their heads and stare.
@angel_27 (129)
• United States
2 Jun 07
I personally think it doesnt matter whose older in the relationship and if someone has a problem with it than ignore hem because as long as the two people are in love thats what really matters anyways.Thanx for the ? tho'.
@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
11 Jun 07
I don't think that it matters either, and I think that those who are so worried about it are the ones with the problems. Thanks for your response.
• United States
25 Jun 07
My fiance is considerably younger than me--more than 10 years, in fact. I have had a tendency to date a lot of younger guys, because I don't get along with guys my own age. They are generally either boring or unmotivated. My fiance, on the other hand, still has a lot of goals that I know he has the ability to accomplish, and he has the motivation as well. There are some people who look at it a little strangely--I have been asked a couple of times to verify that I gave the right birth years for the two of us. Of course, if he was my age and I was his, no one would think twice about it. Crazy double standards.
@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
25 Jun 07
It is true that the double standards are ridiculous. My friend is 4 or 5 years younger than I am, although he looks a bit younger than he is, and people were acting as if it was terrible that I was seeing some kid or something the first time we went out to karaoke together. One of my friends kept bringing up the age difference into the conversation. His age was never mentioned, but I am sure she thought he was a lot younger than he is. Anyway, she kept going on and on about me being a grandma, and how old my kids were, and how he was the youngest one there. It was as if she was deliberately trying to push us apart. I do not know, maybe she was. Anyway, when I got a chance, I took her to the side and told her how I felt about it and she finally stopped, but he seemed pretty put off by it. We are just friends, but you never know if it could have been more.
@latsmom (824)
24 May 07
I think it is because that on a whole women mature much more quickly than men, but I think that if both people are of legal age and of sound mind I don't think there should be a problem. I would like to say I would only date someone older than myself but if the right man came along and he was yonger than me I would give it a shot too.
@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
11 Jun 07
I usually only date men older than myself, but I have dated men a couple of years younger. My ex was three years younger, and I guess his immaturity did him in.